April 17, 2025 Craic & Codology

International markets were last night plunged into fresh turmoil after President Donald Trump made no outlandish statements on tariffs. With the US having failed to impose a 780% tariff on any country, fears are growing of an international economic crisis, as market volatility continues in response to the shock period of stability. “People need to… Read more »

April 17, 2025 Craic & Codology

The trend for anti-social behaviour at screenings of A Minecraft Movie, which includes screaming and shouting, has been traced back to the coalition Government. Young cinema-goers started the trend on TikTok, having been inspired by TDs’ childish outbursts. “The coalition are known for behaving like 10-year-olds,” acknowledged one cinema owner. “Many of them are prone… Read more »

April 17, 2025 Craic & Codology

Mary Lou McDonald will continue to live rent free in Micheál Martin’s head Independents reserve the right to leave in a hurry if the going gets tough Fianna Fáil to sublet blame for housing crisis at every available opportunity Lucrative rewards available for politicians who are persistently derelict in their duties Coalition claiming they have… Read more »

April 17, 2025 Craic & Codology

by Phil Space FOLLOWING THE recent spell of quite dry springtime weather, water shortage stories have been springing up and trickling across the front pages of newspapers and other news platforms. Said one delighted editor: “Phew! All hope had more or less dried up by last week as we were running out of worthwhile alternatives… Read more »

April 17, 2025 Craic & Codology

A party source close to Micheál Martin has confirmed that Conor McGregor is likely to be the next Fianna Fáil celebrity candidate. “To be honest, we thought he was more of a Jim O’Callaghan-type character, always making threats but never delivering the knockout punch. Micheál’s new strategy of getting famous, but useless, candidates on the… Read more »

April 17, 2025 Craic & Codology

Simon Harris Trotted off to Washington recently to try and rein in the Trump hurdles but most agree he ended up having an absolute ’mare instead. Is desperately trying to shake off the image that he’s a bit of a show pony who’s afraid of all the necessary donkey work. Eoin Hayes Part of the… Read more »

April 17, 2025 Craic & Codology

by D Tained TWO IRISH citizens have appealed against an order deporting them from Germany over their participation in pro-Palestinian protests. German government spokesperson Hans Upp said the two face very serious allegations, including repeating half-hearted slogans urging Israeli forces to bomb the daylights out of Gaza in a rather more responsible way. Micheál Martin,… Read more »

April 17, 2025 Craic & Codology

SHOCKING NEWS emerged last night when it was confirmed that no new health scandals had occurred within the previous 72 hours. Taoiseach Micheál Martin told reporters: “This is a truly unprecedented development. I can’t even remember the last time something as disturbing as this didn’t happen. “Indeed, it must be almost a week since the… Read more »

April 17, 2025 Craic & Codology

Donald Trump has announced fresh tariffs on Ireland’s biggest exports, including: Outlandish social media posts by Conor McGregor – 300% Bad U2 albums – 400% Overhyped Donie O’Sullivan reports on CNN – 450% Trinity graduates writing novels about toxic relationships – 500% Soccer strikers who fail to deliver on early promise – 1,000%

April 17, 2025 Craic & Codology

Enoch Burke It’s outrageous that the Government can come along and take money from people who specialise in entertaining and horrifying the general public on a daily basis. Hopefully common sense will prevail and this nonsense is brought to a complete stop. Kevin Bakhurst I think it’s absolutely vital this proposed tariff is implemented immediately… Read more »

April 17, 2025 Craic & Codology

In a thrilling final round at Augusta Rory McIlroy overcame the best efforts of his chief adversary, Rory McIlroy, to claim his first Masters title. Said McIlroy: “Rory really did everything out there to try stop me winning. But eventually, thank God, I didn’t let Rory stop me.”

April 3, 2025 Craic & Codology

The global community has breathed a sigh of relief as an uneasy ceasefire was declared in a long-running, brutal conflict that has claimed millions. The head of the sprawling and domineering empire, where dissent is ruthlessly clamped down on, greeted the news with delight. “I’m absolutely feckin’ delighted to have gotten one over on the… Read more »

April 3, 2025 Craic & Codology

There has been a hugely positive response to Liz Kearney’s appointment as Sindo editor, with Mediahuis executives queuing up to describe it as a landmark moment in Irish journalism. “Liz will be covering many of the major stories of the day, such as the visionary publishing genius of Mediahuis’s Peter Vandermeersch,” said editor-in-chief Cormac Berk…. Read more »

April 3, 2025 Craic & Codology

Brian O’Driscoll has been issued with a compliance notice over a ‘misleading’ social media post, in which he stated that Ireland are a top rugby team who will make it past the quarter finals of the next World Cup. “Obviously, this is very unlikely to happen,” said a watchdog spokesman. “There needs be more clarity… Read more »

April 3, 2025 Craic & Codology

By Roo Laboola There was growing pressure last night to canonise Blessed Verona of Comhairle. The calls come in the wake of the Wexford woman’s recent martyrdom during an outbreak of unrest in Dublin. Commentators watched in horror as the woman widely known as ‘Our Lady of the Robes’ was targeted by an angry mob… Read more »

April 3, 2025 Craic & Codology

FORMER TAOISEACH Leo Varadkar has landed a new job with an American public relations firm that boasts Microsoft and Google among its many clients. Commenting on his role, Vlad said: “I’ve always prided myself on being just a regular, multi-talented guy, who rises early and is really amped about well-paid, part-time work. But whether it’s… Read more »

April 3, 2025 Craic & Codology

Cash-strapped RTÉ is spending more than €250,000 a year on outfits from high-end retailers. Last night a spokesperson said: “The station requires clothing for a wide variety of quality programmes – such as the tasteful Rose of Tralee gúnas. And, of course, most of the guests appearing on Prime Time – particularly leading businessmen and… Read more »

April 3, 2025 Craic & Codology

Michael Lowry – Tipperary Could miss the start of the campaign owing to a nasty finger incident that softened his cough for a period of time. Plays a central role in all of the games being played these days but claims he has absolutely no interest in pulling the blueshirt back on. Simon Harris –… Read more »

April 3, 2025 Craic & Codology

Angry Irishman Conor McGregor’s ambition to become Ireland’s next president has been boosted, with several internationally known personalities urging the Irish people to support his campaign. Stateside, car salesman Elon Muskow endorsed the whiskey pusher’s credentials. “Conor is not afraid to speak my mind,” says the multi-xillionaire. “Like my assistant, Mr Trump, when it comes… Read more »

April 3, 2025 Craic & Codology

• Syringes: Absolutely vital owing to ministers constantly needling each other • Food: Tripe and codswallop essential for coalition TDs • Transport: FF and FG will pretend they have no truck with Michael Lowry • Currency: In the event of ATM failures, politicians will continue to coin it • Fuels: Cabinet to retain as much… Read more »

April 3, 2025 Craic & Codology

Senior members of Donald Trump’s cabinet have been involved in a serious security breach after they failed to text secret military plans to journalists. In an extraordinary blunder, JD Vance, Marco Rubio and Pete Hegseth kept the plans to themselves, thus violating standard protocols in the Trump administration. “Suggestions that we are now carrying out… Read more »