Category: Craic & Codology

Power finds new way to not get elected

averil-power-head-in-hand

Former Fianna Fail Senator Averil Power has confi rmed she has found a new route to not getting elected. Having already failed to get elected for FF, Power has revealed that she faces rejection as an Independent candidate in Dublin Bay North at the next election. “Averil Power is an icon for our times,” commented... Read more »

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Sinn Féin planning to enslave humanity

Martin McGuinness contemplates his next move

Sinn Féin is hatching a diabolical plan to bring about the end of days, it has emerged. Last night we tracked down the party’s spokesman, known only as Legion, to his hideaway lair where he warned of the dark terror to come. “The time of purification is at hand,” he commented. “Humanity shall soon kneel... Read more »

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OPERATION TRANSFORMATION 2015

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text] Meet The (Wannabe) Leaders Eddie Hobbs Always prepared to jump onto the nearest bandwagon, Eddie is highly motivated and especially keen to shed the entire public service who are draining essential private profits out of the body politic. Shane Ross The dapper Dublin South TD has always considered himself a political heavyweight, but is... Read more »

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LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text] CLOONEY VISIT Sir, – On behalf of the entire country, may I be the first to the legendary George Clooney and his beautiful bride Amal Alama- dwun to our shores. Hollywood’s glamorous A-list couple have been extremely busy since they celebrated their marriage last September in Venice in front of a small group of... Read more »

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THAT FINE GAEL THINK TANK

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KEANO UPDATE

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text] ROY KEANE has vowed to quit giving up on things for 2015. Having recently left his assistant manager position at Aston Villa after just four and half months, the Cork man has vowed to cut down on the habit. ‘The idea came from going to see Gone Girl with some of the lads on... Read more »

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FLANNERY LATEST

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text] Former Fine Gael strategist Crank Flannery has said the party’s very existence is threatened unless he is on board for the next general election. Speaking last night, Flannery commented: “Ireland is heading for an apocalyptic abyss if Enda doesn’t utilise my extraordinary political genius. I think it’s time the media focused on my unparalleled strategic brilliance rather than those massive Rehab... Read more »

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EMPTY BED FOUND IN HOSPITAL – INQUIRY DEMANDED

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text] Angry crowds gathered out- side the Ministry of Health last night after it was revealed that a free bed had been dis- covered in one leading Dublin hospital. The demonstrators handed out leaflets claiming that pa- tients on trolleys had already suffered enough without this latest shock. “My 90-year-old grandfa- ther has just got... Read more »

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NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text] Rory McIlroy: Try to win 3 majors to be in with a shout of winning the BBC Sports Personality Conor McGregor: Learn to be more outgoing David Drumm: Take acting lessons to become more convincing Ched Evans: Contact Mike Tyson regarding getting career back on track [/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

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TV LISTINGS

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text] Game Of Thrones: Sexually explicit, ultra-violent story of medieval political intrigue. Contains strong language and scenes some viewers may find distressing. Starring Aidan Gillen Charlie: Sexually explicit, ultra-violent story of medieval political intrigue. Contains strong language and scenes some viewers may find distressing. Starring Aidan Gillen [/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

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CHARLIE SHOCK

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text] CHARLIE STARS Aiden Gillen and Tom Vaughan-Lawlor have said that their roles in the RTÉ drama are the toughest they’ve ever had to play. Both featured in Love/Hate as murderous, treacherous gangland bosses but say those roles were like playing Bosco in comparison with their characters in the new drama. ‘Ah here,’ said Gillen,... Read more »

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New Drumm Uproar

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text] In a sensational ruling that has sent shockwaves throughout the financial world, a US judge has ruled that the former Anglo Irish Bank boss David Drumm was “not remotely credible” and that his statements to the court were filled with “outright lies”. Just seven months after Drumm’s Boston bankruptcy trial, the damning 129,000-page ruling... Read more »

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REBOOT IRELAND LATEST

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text] Health experts say Ireland is facing a “catastrophic” population explosion due to the political party being launched by former Fine Gael TD Lucinda Creighton. “The new party’s four founding principles are so in- credibly promising and reassuring for Ireland’s future that people are inevitably going to want to have lots more children,” warns sociologist Raisa... Read more »

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IRISH INDOBRIENDENT NEW EDITOR HAILS FRESH DIRECTION

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text] As he commences his new role as editor of the Irish Independent, Fionnan Spleen yesterday stated that the paper was about to enter an exciting new era. “Under the guidance of the supreme leader, his magnificence Denis O’Brien, the Irish Spindo can look forward to a bright future largely based around the same tired... Read more »

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