Craic & Codology

Westlife react to torture revelations

Phoenix BW

By Our Political Staff Dee Sade

A huge storm erupted yesterday after it emerged that the CIA has been using Westlife’s music to torture prisoners in Afghanistan. The news has prompted an outcry from ex-members of the group
An angry Shane Filan last night told reporters: “This is an absolute outrage that has caused untold pain – considering that we still haven’t heard a word about unpaid royalties.”

OTHER WESTLIFE SIDE EFFECTS

  • Sensory deprivation and feelings of nausea as newspapers print full-colour pics of the band.
  • Sudden mood swings when music-lovers recall what they were really like.
  • Extra pounds put in band’s coffers as gullible under-10s download such all-time classics as Flying Without Songs and You Bring Me Down.

    DOB IPod

    DOB IPod