Craic & Codology

Category: Spot the Difference

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

StD-3616

Muhammad Ali Micheál Martin 
Original name was Clay Currently his name is mud 
Stung like a bee Stung by criticism 
Refused to fight in Vietnam Pretends to fight Varadkar
Convert to Islam Convert to populism
Beat Sonny Liston Leadership is listing
Heavyweight champion Lightweight chancer
Threw Olympic medal into Ohio River Threw away big poll lead
Bashed opponents in the ring Hates Brit bashing

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

StD-3614

LIONEL MESSI LEO VARADKAR
Attacks the opposition Attacks the press
Media are obsessed with him He’s obsessed with the media
Out of the World Cup Out of his depth
Compared to Maradona Compared to Trump
Carries Argentinian team most of the time Carries gym clothes at all times
Gifted dribbler Gifted spinner
Constantly tackled Avoids tackling big problems
Admires Ronaldo Admires himself

SPOT THE HEADER

Dunphy header


SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

StD-3613

TAX HAVEN PASCHAL DONOHOE
Brass plaque operations Brass neck in operation
Practises double Irish Practises double Dutch
Light-touch regulation Soft-touch regulation
Low headline rate Plenty of negative headlines
No physical presence No presence whatsoever
Use trusts Misused trust
Flexible with corporate law Flexible with corporation tax

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

StD-3612

TRINITY COLLEGE TREE LEO VARADKAR
Wooden Wooden
Deep roots in Trinity College Shallow roots in Fine Gael
Planted 170 years ago Plants self-serving stories in the media
Toppled by disease Toppled Enda Kenny
Covered in bark Barks at Independent Alliance
Lots of leaves during the summer Lots of leave during summer recess
Exudes sap Exudes smarminess
Would make great cabinet Will never make great cabinet

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

StD3611

Kilauea Volcano Stephen Rae
Destroys everything in its path Worked for INM
Responsible for toxic emissions Responsible for Irish Independent
Spewed out of the ground Spewed out garda propaganda
Eventually turns to rock Eventually things turned rocky
Part of earth’s core Part of Denis O’Brien’s core
Making its way to the sea See ya later

That North Korean Nuclear site

NK-test-site


SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

Spor the Difference 3610

Ayatollah Khamenei Tony O’Brien 
Supreme leader Supreme stonewaller
Unelected theocrat Unelected bureaucrat
Believes he is infallible Believes he is infallible
Lives in Iran Lives on another planet
Wears turban Wore out his welcome
Hates United States Hates Dáil committees
Went to war with Iraq Went to war with PAC

Denis O’Brien jet

Denis O’Brien jet


Spot the Difference

StD-3608


CONOR McGREGOR RORY McILROY
Major embarrassment Masters embarrassment
Lost to Mayweather Lost fairweather fans
Pulled a stroke Takes too many strokes
Pulled a stroke Stuck in bunker
Threw trash cans Threw away victory
Has no UFC belts Has no green jacket
Hybrid sports star Hybrid nationality
Worth millions Disappointed millions

Jack-10,000-steps-today


Spot the Difference

Spot the Difference 3605

 

Xi Jinping Michael D Higgins
Abolished one-child policy Abolished one-term policy
Expert on Great Wall  Expert on stonewalling
Likes pandas Likes causing pandemonium 
Has cracked down on dissidents Has cracked down on awkward questions
Friends with Kim Jong-un Friends with Alan Kelly
Writes questionable death warrants Writes questionable poetry 
Refuses to free Tibet Freely hedges his bets
Enjoys Chinese culture Enjoys Chinese whispers

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

STD-3604

Jacob Zuma Benjamin Netanyahu
Hard grafter Hard grafter
Grabbed power Grabs land
Fought against apartheid Implemented apartheid
Has fathered 20 known children Has fathered a decade of bitterness
Accused of corruption Accused of war crimes
Blames sun for drought Blames son for unpopularity
Friends with witchdoctors Friends with Trump
Clung to power for too long Clinging to neocons for too long

DOPPELJOBBING

DOPPELJOBBINGElon Musk

Elon Musk Launched the Daft 9 report which saw rent prices rocketing into outer Mulhuddart and Ballydowd.


Wildt - Open it and Read it


SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

STD-Oprah-Miriam

 

Oprah Winfrey Miriam O’Callaghan
Net worth: $3bn Self-worth: Priceless
Produces Dr Phil programme  Produces filler programming
Pioneered self-help ideas  Pioneered self-serving ideas
Army of loyal followers  Army of fawning journalists
Media mogul Media manipulator
Responsible for The Color Purple Responsible for red faces in Fianna Fáil
May run for president May regret running for president
Help put Obama in office Wants to put Michael D out of office

Spot the Difference

Mugabe & Higgins

 

PRESIDENT MUGABE PRESIDENT HIGGINS
Pain in the arse Staying in the Áras
Many adversaries Many bad verses
A despot of the world Spotted all over the world
He once loved socialism He now loves socialising
Wanted to extend power to Grace May want to grace us with extended power

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

RAGNAR LOFTBROK MARTIN O’NEILL
Bludgeoned opponents to death Bludgeons opponents to death
Raided England’s coast Raided England’s lower divisions
Desecrated monasteries Desecrated Aviva Stadium
Interested in agriculture Interested in agricultural tactics
Thrown into a pit of venomous snakes Works for the FAI
Travelled as far as Russia May not get to Russia
Scourge of Northumbria Scourge of Tony O’Donoghue

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE – Irma & Leo

HURRICANE IRMA LEO VARADKAR
Devastated poor communities Devastates poor communities
Releases tonnes of energy Releases tonnes of press releases
Won’t leave Florida Won’t leave social media
Made thousands homeless Keeps thousands homeless
Poisoned water supply Poisoned political debate
Controls news agenda Wants to control news agenda
Full of hot air Full of hot air
Leaves trail of destruction Leaves trail of smarminess

Spot the Difference – Kim & Marty

KIM JONG-UN MARTIN O’NEILL
Can’t hit target with missile strikes Strikers can’t hit target
Clamps down on media Clamps down on Tony O’Donoghue
Has military launch missiles Has goalkeepers launch missiles
Citizens living in poverty Poverty of creative ideas
Ballistic missiles Roy Keane
Will possibly blow up world Has definitely blown World Cup chances


SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

DONALD J. TRUMP KIM JONG-UN
Hair-brained megalomaniac Hair-brained megalomaniac
Hates non-Americans Hates everybody
Doesn’t believe in a free lunch Always believes in a free launch
Enjoys golfing and flexing his muscles Enjoys nuking and flexing his missiles
About to destroy career as president About to destroy Korea


SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

RONALDO DIARMUID CONNOLLY
Doesn’t play during the summer Doesn’t play during the summer
Courts publicity Publicly in court
Troubles with taxman Troubles with linesman
Has a hot girlfriend Has a hot temper
Loves Monte Carlo Hates County Carlow
Punches above his weight Throws his weight around
Toppled Barcelona Toppled Ciaran Brannigan
Wears heart on his sleeve Wears blood on his sleeve

Keano’s Keen on Kolkata

RECORD-SETTING Irish striker Robbie ‘Keano’ Keane has joined his boyhood heroes Atleticó de Kolkata (ATK) in the Indian Super League. “It’s always been my ambition to play for ATK, ever since I had my first chicken vindaloos in the back streets of Wolverhampton, Coventry, Milan, Leeds, Tottenham, West Ham, Glasgow, Liverpool, LA and, err, Tallaght,” said the much-travelled striker.   

“Once the chairman, Mr Singh-Song, told me about the scale of the club’s bank account (surely ‘the scale of the club’s ambitions’? – Ed) I didn’t think twice about joining the club of my boyhood dreams. My wife Cloudnine and my sons Striker and D24 are really thrilled to be making the short move from LA to Indiana.”

‘Keano’, who has clocked up more air miles (Surely goals? – Ed) than any other striker, said: “It’s great to be playing at the Taj Mahal stadium, near that New Deli, past the Sacred Cow roundabout.”


SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

ROGER MOORE/BOND LEO VARADKAR
Suave British Spy Suave West Brit
Fights megalomaniacs Is a megalomaniac
Drives Aston Martin insanely Drives Micheál Martin insane
Drinks dry martini Is a dry sleeveeny
Despises Dr No Despises doctors and nurses
Puts his health at risk Puts health service at risk
Engages in shock and awe Is shocking and awful


SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

JEAN CLAUDE VAN DAMME JEAN CLAUDE JUNCKER
Played a robotic tough guy  Is a robotic tough guy 
Is a notorious middleweight  Is a notorious lightweight 
Is world famous for splits  Is world famous for splits
Speaks English as a second language Doesn’t want to speak the English language
Enjoys alcohol sensibly Enjoys alcohol
Known as the Muscles From Brussels Calls himself the Muscles From Brussels
Thinks eggs have souls Thinks British are assholes

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

 

MICHAEL O’LEARY DANNY HEALY-RAE
Head in the clouds Head in the clods
Doesn’t believe in climate change boll**ks Doesn’t believe in change of any sort
Global warming does not exist “And if it does, it’s jusht another of them Dublin conspiracies”
“It’s all a f***ing load of hot air” “Shure, with the help of God, it’ll all blow over soon”
“These eco-loonies claim that melting ice will cause sea levels to rise” “That’s like shaying a few harmlesh pints affectsh rural driving”
“Meanwhile, let’s keep Ryanair profits flying” “Let’s keep the ordinary Kerry TD’s income sky high”

SEAN SPICER UNDER PRESSURE


SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

KOEMAN O’NEILL
Claims O’Neill went against medical advice Would like to offer Koeman a few words of advice
Hamstrung by internationals Players do hamstrings
Has no midfield cover Has Glenn Whelan
Won’t return O’Neill’s calls Keeps calling up Koeman’s players
James McCarthy never plays for him Never able to play James McCarthy
Wants FAI to cop on Wants Koeman to FO

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

SIMON COVENEY LEO VARADKAR
Highly ambitious grey man in suit Highly ambitious gay man in suit
Tediously smug and smarmy Tediously smug and flashy
Keen on shameless self-promotion Keen on shameless self-promotion
Never shoots from the hip Always shoots from the lip
Resents anyone invading his privacy Resents anyone invading his publicity
On course for mission impossible On course for mission implausible

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

KIM JONG-NAM ENDA KENNY
Furtive high-flying lifestyle Furtive high-flying lifestyle
Completely mad Completely power mad
Used to poisonous atmosphere around him Used to poisonous atmosphere around him
Despised by most of his own family Despised by all in the Fine Gael family
Victim of vicious assassination Victim of political assassination
Leaving Kimmy a dead man Leaving Kenny a dead man walking


Spot The Difference

DERMOT DESMOND SEAN DUNNE
Enormously rich tycoon Bankrupt enormously rich tycoon
Made an absolute fortune Owes an absolute fortune
Friends in high places Friends in low places
Silly “Kaiser” nickname Silly “Ballsbridge Baron” nickname
Stylish silver-grey moustache Stylish blonde wife
Swanky Shrewsbury Road house purchase Murky Shrewsbury Road house sale
Lots of smokey cigars Lots of mirrors and smoke

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

HILLARY CLINTON ARLENE FOSTER
Can’t stand the heat in the kitchen Can’t stand the heat in the kitchen
Has recurring problems with troublesome emails Has recurring problems with troublesome males
Always keen on running for high office Always keen on running for cover
I’ve put up with enduring systematic abuse for years Yes, my party colleagues hate me as well
Working alongside bullies like Anthony Weiner is impossible Have you met Nigel Dodds?
Oohhh! Aren’t men awful! Oohhh! Aren’t Sinn Féin awful!

ARLENE FOSTER PLAYLIST


Spot The Difference

FIDEL CASTRO MICHAEL D HIGGINS
Gave lengthy speeches that bored everyone Gives long-winded talks that put people to sleep
Endless rhetoric Endless poetry
Believed he was superior to right Believes he’s always right
Took heat from America Takes first class trips to America
Won’t listen to anyone else Won’t listen to government

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

HILLARY CLINTON NÓIRÍN O’SULLIVAN
Fond of running for high office Fond of running for cover
Followed in husband’s footsteps Husband following in footsteps
Known widely for being generally secretive and crooked Known widely for being Ireland’s Garda Commissioner
Constantly tried to hide Bill’s indiscretions Constantly tries to hide everything
Denied smear campaign against Monica Lewinsky Denied approving alleged smear campaign against whistleblower
Career undermined by elements in the intelligence services Garda intelligence? You’ve lost me there!

BONO’S RINGSEND FILM STUDIO

026px-bonoplans


SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

POPE FRANCIS ENDA KENNY
Job for life Job for life… apparently
Prays for our salvation Preys on our taxation
Canonises Antagonises
Preaches the creed Preaches to Michael Creed
Visits Castel Gandolfo Visits Castlebar
Says Christ will come again Christ, here he comes again!
God’s helper God help us

DID YOU REMEMBER TO SET YOUR CLOCK BACK?

Please note that due to a combination of factors –the minority government, school closures and garda strikes – clocks this year are going back to about 1982 or what’s known as “GUBU time”.


SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

SIR BOB GELDOF DONALD TRUMP
Reputation for being a fanatical self-publicist Reputation for being a fanatical self-publicist
Very fond of shooting from the lip Very fond of shooting
Likes to talk Likes to talk dirty
Has recorded an astonishing number of awful songs Has recorded an astonishing high percentage of the vote
Ridiculous Ridiculous hair

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

THERESA MAY DONALD TRUMP
On target to exit Europe On target to exit reality
Slightly to the right on immigrant policy Slightly to the right of Genghis Khan
Plans to put her opponents in their place Plans to put his opponent in jail
Has always focused on serious political issues Has serious issues
Making Britain great again Making America grope again

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

HILARY CLINTON DONALD TRUMP
Rich, white and completely power-crazed Rich, white and completely crazed
Blonde ambition hounded by media Blond ambition hounded by media
Always has a lot on her mind Always has a lot on his head
Endorsed by former US Presidents Endorsed by President Putin
In robust physical and mental health Robustly mental

Topical Words – Compiled by Dick Shunery

An occasional service to Phoenix readers explaining the meaning of certain words that have suddenly become newsworthy

This week – ‘Trumpery’

1. foolish talk or actions
2. a useless or worthless article.

(OF trompery deceit < tromper to cheat). See also trump up: to invent (a charge accusation etc)


SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

DAVID CAMERON ENDA KENNY
• Smarmy right-winger

• Party just couldn’t wait to get rid of him

• Reputation for fouling up and then retiring

• Made a complete mess of Brexit

• “I only needed two terms”

• Smarmy right-winger

• Party just couldn’t get rid of him

• Reputation for fouling up and being downright tiring

• Made a complete mess of everything

• “Me too… well perhaps”


SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

MIRIAM O’CALLAGHAN CLAIRE BYRNE
Totally convinced that she is RTÉ’s top presenter Totally convinced that she is RTÉ’s top presenter
Enormously high salary to prove it Enormously high salary to prove it
Loves to give politicians a good interrogating Loves to give politicians a good interrogating
Millions of children Catching up fast
Statuesque blonde ambition Statuesque blonde ambition
Plans to replace Michael D as president ASAP Plans to replace Miriam ASAP

TV Listings

  • Operation Transformation: Health and fitness programme. Ray D’Arcy along with a cast of nutritionists and fitness gurus do their level best to ‘transform’ RTÉ viewers into Netflix subscribers. Bad for your health.
  • A Series of Unfortunate Events — Children’s programme.
    Orphaned by its power-sharing executive, Northern Ireland finds itself in the care of two governments, both wholly disinterested in its welfare. Tediously predictable.

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

LOUIS VAN GAAL JOSE MOURINHO
  • Slurs meaningless words in a strange accent
  • Reputation for being moody and losing with Man Utd
  • Grossly over-rated and over-paid
  • Believes in his weird hair style and annoying players
  • Known affectionately as “The Sacked One”
  • Slurs meaningless words in a strange accent
  • Reputation for being moody and losing with Chelsea
  • Grossly over-rated and over-paid
  • Believes in providing bean bags for players during matches
  • Affectionately known as “The Special One until he gets sacked in 2017”

Spot the difference

 JACK O’CONNOR  SHANE ROSS
 027px Humour.indd_Page_1_Image_0005  
  • Believes earth is round
  • Thinks Luas strike is justified
  • Hopes to maintain union ties
  • Likes to drive a hard bargain
  • Advocates power for the masses
  • Stands for no nonsense from the bosses
  • Up to a point
  • Thinks Luas is a robust Spanish red
  • Hopes union dies
  • Likes to drive a Government Merc
  • Advocates amassing power
  • Stands for nothing

MINISTER ROSS COMMITTED TO TRANSPORT PORTFOLIO

  • Look bus-y at all times
  • Make inroads with that Dáil menu
  • Train myself to put up with Jack O’Connor
  • Car–ry on pontificating in the Sindo
  • Have no truck with those Fianna Fáil freeloader b****rds
  • Rail against the banks
  • Re-cycle that guff about ‘change’ and ‘’openness’, etc

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

   
 MICHAEL HEALY-RAE  LEO VARADKAR
  •  Shameless self-publicist
  • Cute political opportunist
  • Cap firmly placed in Ring of Kerry
  • Speaks in tongues
  • Shameless self-publicist
  • Cute political opportunist
  • Hat in ring to replace Enda
  • Speaks with forked tongue

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

PETER ROBINSON ARLENE FOSTER
   
 Old face of DUP reactionary loyalism  New face of DUP reactionary loyalism
 Despises Shinners  Finds Sinn Féin despicable
 Really loathes UUP bastards  Hates Ulster Unionists even more
 Diehard dull Unionist time-server  Dull time-serving diehard Unionist
 Has colourful wife  Has colourless husband