Category: Craic & Codology

CARTOONS 4009-01

Tim Bales - king rules

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CARTOONS 4009-02

Bernie - overdraft

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CARTOONS 4009-03

deAn - practice

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CARTOONS 4009-04

Guff - D4 Horsemen

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CARTOONS 4009-05

Jim Shoenbill - Polyamory

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CARTOONS 4009-06

Keane - turf accountant

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CARTOONS 4009-07

Len Hawkins - monetise fire

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CARTOONS 4009-08

Lennon - Bog standard

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CARTOONS 4009-09

Nay - Van petrol

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CARTOONS 4009-10

Paul Wood - marriage guidance

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CARTOONS 4009-11

Percival - transactional

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CARTOONS 4009-12

Phil Witte - publishers

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CARTOONS 4009-13

Royston - gender critical

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CARTOONS 4009-14

Schwadron - met before

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CARTOONS 4009-15

Schwadron - to be invaded by russia

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CARTOONS 4009-16

Scott Masear - office with window

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OZONE

Ozone-05-06-22

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CARTOONS 4009-17

Keyes - sink ireland

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NI PARTIES ‘CAN’T WAIT’ NOT TO GOVERN

Jeffrey Donaldson

Northern Ireland’s political parties are already gearing up for another election in six months’ time, after the Stormont executive inevitably collapses in the next few weeks. The NI protocol remains a major stumbling block, with the DUP fearful it may be resolved, thus causing the executive to actually have to govern – a development that... Read more »

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APOLOGY: EMMANUEL MACRON

Emmanuel Macron

In common with all other newspapers, we may in recent times have given the impression that Emmanuel Macron was about the lose the French presidential election. In particular, this may have been emphasised by headlines such as ‘IT’S THE END OF EUROPE AS WE KNOW IT’, ‘AU REVOIR DEMOCRACY’ and ‘DULL-BOY MACRON TO SUFFER ANNIHILATION’.... Read more »

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POSSIBLE AILMENTS AFFECTING PUTIN

Stephen Donnelly

As speculation continues around the state of Vladimir Putin’s health, experts suggest the crazed despot may be suffering from any or all of the following maladies: Donnellysia: Muscular affliction that attacks the legs, causing the sufferer to drag their heels whenever invited to attend an event. (Sometimes know as Wattalysis) Varadkalitus: Mouth condition in which... Read more »

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TAYLOR TARGETS MARTIN’S LIGHTWEIGHT TITLE

article-default

Following her narrow points win over Amanda Serrano last weekend, Katie Taylor has declared her ambition to dethrone Micheál Martin. The Corkman remains undefeated in the political lightweight category, despite ferocious competition from Leo Varadkar and Eamon Ryan. “I’ve genuinely never seen such a total lightweight,” the Bray fighter told reporters in Madison Square Garden.... Read more »

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GOVERNMENT’S UKRAINE REFUGEE CRISIS

Zelensky mural

The government is believed to be coming under intense pressure to place a cap on the number of Ukrainian refugee stories in the media. Many have expressed fears that newspapers and broadcast outlets were being swamped with unprecedented numbers of worrying pieces in recent times, and that there was no end in sight. This prompted... Read more »

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BACIK RESIGNS FROM TRINNERS

Ivana Bacik

Labour leader Ivana Bacik yesterday officially resigned her position as associate professor at Trinity College Dublin. “After being involved in the cut and thrust of university politics at Trinners, it’s just a fairytale come true to get away from the madding crowd and relax in sunny Sandymount. I’m just speechless – well, almost,” said Bacik.... Read more »

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RURAL DWELLERS ‘ARE FREE TO CHEW ON TURF’, REASSURES ENVIRONMENT MINISTER

TURF CUTTING ROW

Green Party leader Eamon Ryan moved to reassure rural Ireland that he is “not turphobic”, after coming under increasing pressure from rural politicians. “A lot of people accuse me of being out of touch with the common as muck every man,” said Ryan, “However, I understand their concerns. The consumption of bog products for nourishment... Read more »

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MUSK RULES OUT RTÉ TAKEOVER

Elon Musk

Following on from his $44bn Twitter buyout, Elon Musk has ruled out a similar move for RTÉ, saying its presenters’ salaries makes it financially unfeasible. The controversial entrepreneur and investor has also clarified that he doesn’t intend to take over the Department of Health. “I’m only worth $200bn and couldn’t meet the wage demands,” tweeted... Read more »

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WORLD REACTS TO WATT AND DONNELLY’S INVITE SNUB:

Katie Taylor

Katie Taylor It’s disappointing these two don’t want to fight their corner but everybody knows Stephen Donnelly has been on the ropes for ages. I think Robert Watt is certainly punching above his weight when it comes to salary, though. Boris Becker Accountability is vitally important for those of us who are in positions of... Read more »

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WORKERS SAY REMOTE WORKING LAW IS ‘UNWORKABLE’

remote work

CRITICS OF the controversial legislation presented by employment minister Leo Varadkar have repeated their concerns that the proposals are stacked heavily in favour of businesses rather than workers. Varadkar has, however, hit back by accusing workers’ representatives of being unrealistic. “What I’m proposing is carefully designed to ensure that the country’s early-rising employees can have... Read more »

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HAPPY PEAR APOLOGY RECIPE

HAPPY PEAR

You will need: 2 smirks A punnet of mushrooms A dollop of self-deprecation (just a smidgin – err on the side of caution here) Method: Add all the ingredients and then stir the pot. Don’t forget to add plenty of spice to this! Cooking tip: beware of hot water when making this! Best of all,... Read more »

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PUTIN: WEST COULD END UP LIKE WOMEN’S RUGBY TEAM

Putin

In his most chilling warning yet, Vladimir Putin has said the west runs the risk of ending up like the Irish women’s rugby team if it continues to provoke Russia. The girls in green have suffered a series of mortifying humiliations in their Six Nations campaign, including a 69-0 reversal to England, and Putin has... Read more »

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IS THERE TOO MUCH EDMANIA IN THE IRISH MEDIA?

Ed Sheeran

ARE IRELAND’S leading papers and news websites paying too much attention to Ed Sheeran, the greatest singer-songwriter of all time? That is the question the editor has just asked me to write 2,000 words on – and in less than the time it took him to pen … (subeditor, stick in a song title here).... Read more »

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COULD VARADKAR FACE FURTHER CHARGES? SHOCK!

Leo Varadkar

Fears were growing within the Fine Gael party last night that the DPP file on tánaiste Leo Varadkar’s disclosure of a confidential government document to a bloke he saw waiting for a bus (Surely respected medical professional?! – Ed) could also contain “a litany of other revelations which left investigators reeling,” including: Slinging mud at... Read more »

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COUNTRIES TO WATCH AT EUROVISION 2022

eurovision-2022-turin

United Kingdom Boris Johnson’s performance over recent months has come in for heavy criticism, with accusations that he is hopelessly out of tune. He will be singing his version of the classic Eddie Murphy song Party All the Time. France Emmanuel Macron will represent his nation once again even though many French people didn’t want... Read more »

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GAS BILL ARTICLES COULD RISE BY 200% THIS WEEK

Gas cylinders

Readers face a major hike in gas and electricity fillers in the coming days, with the supply line of decent stories having dried up. “With the spiralling Ukraine crisis, and the threatened outbreak of World War 3 all seeming a bit overwhelming, we’ve instead decided to commit the majority of our reporters to wildly speculating... Read more »

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WATT’S TOIL AND TROUBLE

Robert Watt

Micheál Martin has said he is deeply uncomfortable with the “witch hunt” that is developing around Robert Watt. Department of Health secretary-general Watt has faced criticism over a lack of engagement with a committee investigating the now aborted secondment of Tony Holohan to Trinity College. This prompted the taoiseach to warn against any attempt to... Read more »

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