Category: Craic & Codology

CARTOONS 4023-01

Tim Bales - surrender

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CARTOONS 4023-02

Achaz von - Desert Island

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CARTOONS 4023-03

Alan Rozanski - AI not here

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CARTOONS 4023-04

Kales - cryptocurrency

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CARTOONS 4023-05

Keyes - in the box

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CARTOONS 4023-06

Keyes - twitter culls

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CARTOONS 4023-07

Lennon - Qatar OUT

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CARTOONS 4023-08

Mark Wood - Graham Bell

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CARTOONS 4023-09

Mark Wood - Grotto Gender

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CARTOONS 4023-10

McCabe - santa

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CARTOONS 4023-11

Paul Wood - on fire

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CARTOONS 4023-12

Percival - magic happens

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CARTOONS 4023-13

Royston - twitter pub

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CARTOONS 4023-14

Scott Masear - bureaucrat-fish

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CARTOONS 4023-15

Stokoe - sit on shelf

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CARTOONS 4023-16

Keyes - vlad vent

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OZONE

Ozone 12-02-22

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SHORTLISTED CANDIDATES FOR ATTORNEY GENERAL GIG

Conor McGregor

Conor McGregor The MMA fighter has lots of experience dealing with the Irish legal system and would be the ideal candidate to drive change. His previous role of pinning down lightweights means he would work well with this Government. Bono Very popular with some members of the coalition and wouldn’t hesitate to tell them that... Read more »

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ROBBO: ‘I’LL SOLVE ALL QATAR’S PROBLEMS’

Mary Robinson

Former president Mary Robinson has hit out at “governments across the board” for failing to address controversies surrounding the World Cup. Speaking to reporters, Mrs Robinson said: “Why oh why do they allow Qatar to sports-wash human rights abuses? Surely, it is time for a charismatic intermediary to sort out everything. “History provides us with... Read more »

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THAT BONO LIVE SETLIST

Bono

(Dutch Tax Accountants Move In) Mysterious Ways Beautiful Windfall Even Better Grosses Than The Last Tour Stuck In A Creative Rut We Can’t Get Out Of All I Want Is Some More Sycophantic Reviews When Jared Kushner & Rupert Murdoch Come To Town

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‘PASCHAL THE RIGHT MAN FOR EURO JOB’ – McGRATH

Paschal Donohoe

by Phil Boots Incoming finance minister Michael McGrath has again backed his coalition colleague Paschal Donohoe to remain as Eurogroup president. “Despite being a mediocre time-server, minister Donohoe can always be relied on as a safe pair of hands who will do nothing to annoy his European peers,” Mr McGrath said. “Over the past 18... Read more »

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IMPORTANT CLARIFICATION

Bono

This organ, in common with many other publications, may have given the impression – through headlines such as: ‘Boring Bono Bellowing Again!’, ‘One Too Many Bonos’ and ‘Does That Pontificating Git Ever Shut Up?’ – that we viewed Bono with the same disdain as someone seeing a fly in their soup or even a viewer... Read more »

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RADICAL NEW GAMBLING LAWS

Gambling

by Pat Chance There has been a mixed response to the Government’s planned gambling legislation, which is designed to protect consumers. “Most of our regular punters have welcomed these latest changes,” said one Dublin bookmaker. “They are already betting heavily on how long it will take the industry to come up with new ways of... Read more »

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SHINNERS AND GREENS ‘RAGING OVER SANCTIONS’

MARY LOU

Sinn Féin and the Green Party have slammed Russia’s move to sanction 52 politicians from Ireland’s Fine Gael, Fianna Fáil and Labour parties. “Shame on Putin,” slammed Sinn Féin leader Mary Lou McDonald. “As Ireland’s most popular party, we take great umbrage at being overlooked. President Vladimir Putin is sending out false information to the... Read more »

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TOP CHRISTMAS GIFTS

Red Christmas decorations

Darragh O’Brien Cosmetics The ideal gift for the glamour puss in your life who wants to be as made up as Darragh’s new build figures. His expert formula is perfect for covering up a blemished record and paying lip service to major problems. Russian Holiday Package Thanks to Putin’s war in Ukraine, you and your... Read more »

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PORN FANS EXPRESS CONCERN OVER ‘ROUGH POLITICS’

sexy lady

A new study has found there is growing concern among porn enthusiasts over the consequences of following Irish politics, with many fearing the verbal brawling and constant back-stabbing are desensitising viewers. “It’s hard not to be shocked at the naked self-interest,” said one porn fan. “Then there’s the constant orgies of self-aggrandisement, riding the taxpayer... Read more »

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WORLD CUP LATEST

world cup qutar

After initially refusing to sing their national anthem during the World Cup, Iran are now pleading with Mick Wallace to remain silent for the remainder of the tournament. Having enjoyed a shock victory over Wales, the Iran squad are hoping to score another win by getting the controversial MEP to halt his commentary on Iranian... Read more »

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MUST READ BOOKS FOR CHRISTMAS 2022

Leaving Without A Fuss by Ronaldo How To Keep Staff Happy by Elon Musk Setting Achievable Goals by Stephen Kenny How To Stay At The Top by Liz Truss Second Album Syndrome by Donald Trump Modesty Made Easy by Leo Varadkar Keeping A Lid On Your Ego by Bono

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THOSE POTENTIAL RONALDO REPLACEMENTS

Leo Varadkar

Leo Varadkar Pretentious right-winger who has scored some spectacular own goals over the course of his underwhelming career. His best days are behind him but he is still capable of fouling up public services and the like. Ivana Bacik Has struggled for relevance since her outfit were relegated to the lower leagues following some awful... Read more »

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NEW TWITTER CRISIS

twitter logo

Following on from Elon Musk’s Twitter takeover, there is a growing crisis in Ireland’s newsrooms, with many journalists now unsure where to go to massage each other’s egos and engage in shameless groupthink. Furthermore, scores of TDs are searching for a new platform where they can jump on sporting bandwagons, as well as issue cheap... Read more »

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REVISED TOLL INCREASES AGREED

east link toll

Transport Infrastructure Ireland has unveiled its full list of new toll measures for drivers on Irish motorways, to be introduced in January: • Tearing hair out in a five-mile tailback after leaving home at 5am + 30c • Three kids throwing up in the back +45c • Trying to keep up with Barry Cowen +85c... Read more »

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BIZARRE INVLADINO RANT

Leo Varadkar

Fine Gael boss Gaelini Invladino has launched an astonishing attack on his “hypocritical” critics for daring to criticise him. In an hour-long diatribe, Invladino told sycophantic reporters: “Today I have very strong feelings. Today I feel Qatari. Today I feel Fianna Fáil-y. Today I feel like an early rising worker. Today, I even feel northern... Read more »

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CARTOONS 4022-01

Wilbur - praying mantis

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CARTOONS 4022-02

Bernie - Stormont advert

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CARTOONS 4022-03

Dowling - Soup protestors

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