Craic & Codology


Luas Horse

Luas surfing

Rush hour contact sport that can be played by up to 1,000 players who risk life and limb grappling with addicts, drunks and school tours on the tram. Points and pay outs are awarded for serious injuries for victims who are prepared to go to the courts.

Border Dancing


Traditional British folk dance involving a lot of clumsy footwork and awkward hand gestures. Recently revived by members of the DUP, whose erratic manoeuvres along the blood red line of the Northern Irish border are an increasingly common sight.

Temple Bar

Temple Bar Paralytics

Weekend youth activity involving multiple groups of stags and hens rampaging through Dublin’s picturesque tourist quarter. The object of the game is to drink more over-priced pints than everyone else. Other activities include synchronized vomiting and fun run-ins (with local garda).

GAA brawl

Tyrone Rules Footy

The object of the game is to leave your mark on the faces of the opposition. Even before kick-off, both teams use their physical skills to prevent any actual gaelic football from interfering with the on-field violence. The losing side will be the one with the greater number of players ending up in intensive care.

National Broadband Football

Daily game of chance in which over a million people in rural Ireland compete to get in touch with their current Broadband providing cartel to complain about delays in accessing their favourite porn sites.

(That’s enough Modern Irish Sports – Ed.)

Phoenix GAA2