Goldhawk's Nuggets

Mattress Mick
THOSE PRESIDENTIAL HOPEFULS IN FULL

Date: August 9, 2018 - Craic & Codology

As the Irish presidential race gathers more hopefuls, seven more totally serious candidates have entered the picture: 1. June Rodgers – Panto Queen 2. Twink – Panto Queen 3. Gavin Lambe-Murphy – Remember him? 4. “Mattress Mick” Flynn – Sleep-solution magnate 5. Dr Eva Orsmond… Read more »

Media
‘SILLY SEASON’ STORY AT DUBLIN ZOO

Date: August 9, 2018 - Craic & Codology

Animal-lovers throughout the country have welcomed the arrival of an August silly season story at Dublin Zoo. There was immediate speculation last night that the traditional holiday story might possibly have escaped from a nearby media circus. Some local residents in the vicinity of the… Read more »

Michael O'Leary
ANGER AS RYANAIR FLIGHT TAKES OFF

Date: August 9, 2018 - Craic & Codology

By Dee Pressed THOUSANDS of angry Ryanair passengers expressed fury at the airline’s desks around the world yesterday, after their flights were not cancelled. The passengers took off on schedule and arrived exactly on time at airport within a day of where they wanted to… Read more »

Eamon Dunphy
FAREWELL TO EAMO…

Date: August 9, 2018 - Craic & Codology

The world of football punditry has been rocked to its foundations by the news that the author of such seminal works as ‘Matt Busby, Baby,’ and ‘Keen’ has finally retired from RTÉ. “I always agreed with whatever Gilesy said so, when John left RTÉ, I… Read more »

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T.V. LISTINGS

Date: August 9, 2018 - Craic & Codology

• Time Out with Brendan O’Connor: RTÉ One, 9.35PM Yes, RTÉ have given Brenny Hill another programme! The Corkman interviews luminaries such as  Majella O’Donnell and Michael Harding. Who knows? Maybe even Bertie will show up!

Theresa May
NO-DEAL BREXIT: PANIC STORIES SPREAD

Date: August 9, 2018 - Craic & Codology

by Our Political Staff Martin Wail ARE you terrified? You should be. The latest Brexit negotiations have been marked by a wave of scare-mongering media reports about the catastrophic prospects of a No-Deal exit from the EU. These dramatic stories have been spreading far and… Read more »

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PTSB FAVOURITES

Date: August 9, 2018 - Craic & Codology

Favourite Film: Ruthless People  Favourite Song: Our House – Madness  Favourite TV Show: Decimate  Favourite Sport: Boxing clever  Favourite Band: Lone Star  Favourite Animal: Vulture  Favourite Food: Dough  Favourite Exercise: Kicking out  Favourite Magazine: Hustler  Favourite Instrument: Doldrums

StD-3616
SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

Date: August 9, 2018 - Craic & Codology, Spot the Difference

Muhammad Ali Micheál Martin  Original name was Clay Currently his name is mud  Stung like a bee Stung by criticism  Refused to fight in Vietnam Pretends to fight Varadkar Convert to Islam Convert to populism Beat Sonny Liston Leadership is listing Heavyweight champion Lightweight chancer… Read more »

dictionary
OXFORD ENGLISH DICTIONARY – IRISH LEXICON UPDATE

Date: August 9, 2018 - Craic & Codology

Kitt | verb • To saturate the front pages of newspapers with ridiculous filler stories. E.g. “Who do they think all those lazy hacks are kitting with that awful filler rubbish about some musician complaining that Dublin rents are too high?” Duff | adjective •… Read more »

Pope Francis
POPE’S ITINERARY AMENDED

Date: August 9, 2018 - Craic & Codology

Saturday: 10.00: Received at Dublin airport by Taoiseach Leo Varadkar. Brace for sock-related photo op. 10.01: Vow never to fly Ryanair again. 10.35: Get cornered by Marty Morrissey and promise to pray for RTÉ. 11.00: Take phone call from Blessed Bono and receive blessing followed… Read more »

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RAIN CLOUDS GATHER FOR FACEBOOK

Date: August 9, 2018 - Craic & Codology

Two women and a branded umbrella were called in before the Joint Oireachtas Committee on Communications regarding the content moderation policy of violent and harmful content on Facebook. The women were there to answer questions. The umbrella was there for cover. The Marker Hotel announced… Read more »

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FAI TO ASK FOR SEMPLE STADIUM

Date: August 8, 2018 - Craic & Codology

FAI chief John Delaney is reported to have contacted the GAA to request the use of Semple Stadium in Thurles for another soccer benefit match. “This time the game will be between Bray Wanderers and Limerick” said Delaney. “As you know, both sets of players… Read more »