Latest from the Blog:

BODIES : THE EXHIBITION
Exhibit No13: La Bour Parti Widely considered the most gruesome of all the exhibits, this body was actually buried only last February after being declared a dead loss by everyone. Alarmingly, however, it began digging its way out of the hole it had created for... Read more »

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Transport minister backs Shane Ross
AGAINST THE TIDE: Minister Ross, pictured here on very important ministerial business last week, declined to get involved in the latest industrial row threatening to cripple the nation THE Minister for Transport took time out from his busy schedule yesterday to give his unqualified public... Read more »

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NORTHERN IRELAND ASSEMBLY ELECTION RESULTS
Renewable Heat Incentive Party – 25 seats Biomass Boilers Party – 20 seats Keep The Grants Going Party – 15 seats Fire In Another Load of Wood Party – 15 seats Burn, Baby, Burn Party – 15 seats

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Envelope Transmitter
Do you know your arse from your elbow? Could you organise a piss-up in a brewery? Are you capable of doing just the one simple thing you are asked to do?! If the answer to these three questions is No, then we may have a... Read more »

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Enda’s Story – The newsletter of St Enda’s Special School
Enda-School A Message from the Principal By the time some of you read this, I may be on a plane to Washington for my meeting with the controversial Mr Trump. I will of course be working throughout the flight: marking exam papers, replying to emails and... Read more »

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New Scientist Latest Cover

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LOST!
A DRESSING room full of prize-winning pet foxes lost by that nice old Italian bloke Mr Ravioli who used to work at the pizza restaurant on Leicester Road. He is very disappointed (not to say a little surprised) to have been parted from them and... Read more »

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Trump claims: ‘Oхота на ведьм’
DONALD TRUMP has hit out at Democrats, accusing them of a witch-hunt or, in Russian, an “охоtа на ведьм”, against his nominees. The US President has come under fire again after attorney general Jeff Sessions was accused of misleading congress regarding his ties to Russia.... Read more »

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Lions guff season warning
GAT TO BE JOKING: Experts say to be wary of the pages of guff that will be written about Gatland’s dropping of Brian O’Driscoll in 2013 WITH JUST two games remaining in the [insert bank sponsor here] 6 Nations, the public has been warned about... Read more »

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THOSE NEW GAA RULES IN FULL
GAA logo Bareknuckle fighting to be limited to six swings each per half in Gaelic football. Interpreter for post-match Kerry interviews. County players to be awarded “gift” (Note: Not a “payment”) of one scratch card each at end of Championship season. New blue flag for umpires to... Read more »

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TV Listings
TV guide Waterworld, TV3, 10PM: The scions of two ancient political dynasties do battle in a dystopian future. Expect grandstanding, narcissism of small differences and general dreariness. Predictable. Blue Bloods, RTÉ One, 11:30PM: Drama series. This action-packed series captures the thrills and spills of garda life. Watch... Read more »

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Topical Words – Compiled by Dick Shunery
dictionary An occasional service to Phoenix readers explaining the meaning of certain words that have suddenly become newsworthy. This week ‘JEFF SESSIONS’ Sessions: (noun) 1. Series of meetings for the purpose of transacting business; 2. Periods of time devoted to a specific activity. (The session with... Read more »

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Trump’s literacy praised
TOP ADVISERS: Trump pictured here brushing up on his verb conjugation with some of his crack senior aides DONALD Trump has been widely praised after spelling the word McCarthyism correctly in a Tweet. The US president accused former president Barack Obama of tapping his phone... Read more »

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COMRADE SESSIONS UNCOVERED
1. Collected works of Tolstoy and Dostoyevsky 2. CSKA Moscow season ticket 3. Memorabilia from Russian trips 4. Vlad Putin fan club membership 5. Shrine to Yeltsin 6. Russian ambassador

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Rebuilding Ireland Strategy In Full
article default 50% increase in clichés about re-envisioning Ireland for the 21st century etc Double the amount of empty promises going forward Government to commit to building a more effective PR strategy Taoiseach’s office to house Simon/Leo by end of the year

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READY FOR (VIRTUAL) ACTION MAN
THE LATEST MUST-HAVE ARMY TOY! Replicate hostile scenarios! Enjoy the thrills and spills of simulated armed combat! Engage in round-the-clock friendly fire! And all from the comfort and safety of your cosy army bunk! With this latest state-of-the-art model, you can even take part in... Read more »

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