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Ireland’s Best Places to Work – No 4: THE IRISH TIMES
irish-times Mission Statement We pride ourselves on being the ‘Paper of Record Losses’ Corporate History Since 1859, The Irish Times has been an integral and important part of Irish life. Its distinctive journalism has been influential and interactive, involving our audiences and driving a public-interest news... Read more »

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ILIE NASTASE’S TERMINOLOGY OF TENNIS
Serve: What woman does with breakfast the morning afterwards. Racket: Thing women make when they all complain about me at once. Love: Looking in the mirror Approach shot: Chat-up line (eg ‘How about it, bitch?’) Game: When she’s up for it Fault: Not mine that... Read more »

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CHAMPIONS CUP: AN APOLOGY
Irish Rugby OVER THE past few weeks we may have given the impression that an all Irish Champions Cup final was a foregone conclusion. Headlines such as ‘Up yours Froggies’ and ‘Who the f*%k are Saracens anyway?’ may have hinted that all Munster and Leinster needed to... Read more »

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FRENCH ELECTION HOTS UP
Here they are – the two leading contenders en route to the Élysée Palace Emmanuel Macaroon The 39-year-old conservative presidential front-runner is widely regarded as a safe pair of hands. Youthful, inexperienced, charismatic, he has a proven reputation as a former banker. Macaroon defeated Eugenie... Read more »

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Tóibín: ‘No Cnuas is Bad Cnuas’
Outrageous. The more I absorb the enormity of its enormousness, the more I toss and turn ‘neath the darkened dreams of my dreamy slumber. Pyongyang! Pyongyang! Pyongyang! snaps the symphony of my bed springs in collusion with this atrocity. As my good friend Joyce once... Read more »

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Those Cnuas Recipients
Andy Cash Phil Pockets Moore O’Demoolah Lotta Dosh Jack Pott M.T. Urcoffers Hans Outt Lewis Change Rich A. Sole Drew Downdelot Robin Blind

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MCGREGOR PLAN FOR DAVY
UFC champ Conor McGregor has called on GAA bosses to overturn Davy Fitzgerald’s eight-week sideline ban and has come up with an ingenious idea to keep the Wexford boss off the pitch. “We’ll put an octagon on the sideline,” shouted McGregor. “Davy would be locked... Read more »

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Crackdown on ministerial moochers
THE PUBLIC is being urged to report cheats who are abusing the generosity of the system. The Department of Social Protection urged people to take action following information they received about an underemployed man with a funny accent known to be a complete fraud. The... Read more »

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THAT LABOUR PARTY SUMMIT MENU
Labour-logo Breakfast Cheerios Smell the Coffee Takes the Biscuit Has Beans on Toast Sandwiches Hamfisted Cheesed off Dinner/Meat Porky pies Turkeys Lambs to the Slaughter (In humble pie) Fishy Cod Mullet Over Carp Flounder Just Desserts Custard Pie I Scream Fudge Labour Party Rebrand

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Topical Words – Compiled by Dick Shunery
dictionary An occasional service to Phoenix readers explaining the meaning of certain words that have suddenly become newsworthy. This Week: ‘Charity’ The voluntary giving of help, typically in the form of money, to those in need. An organisation set up to provide help and raise money... Read more »

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Medical Matters
Dr Fintan Tool writes… As an all-round expert on women’s rights – including fertilisation, sterilisation and the whole mystical childbirth experience, I am often asked to explain the complexities of the new National Maternity Hospital saga. Of course, to clarify this highly contentious issue in... Read more »

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TV Listings
TV guide Jamestown, Sky 1, Friday – Period drama. Disinterested Tory geek Brokenshire is sent to balance the interests of two warring factions – one that he despises; another he doesn’t care about – in a far-flung corner of the Empire. How long can he go on... Read more »

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ENDA’S DEPARTURE LOG
Excuses to date Possible next excuses Forming a government The next Star Wars film Sort out latest garda scandal Irish language in crisis Stoppin government from falling apart Next garda scandal Mayo in All-Ireland final Mayo in an All-Ireland final (Come off it!_Ed) Christmas Autumn... Read more »

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LIONS’ PRIDE – IRELAND PLAYERS ON THEIR SELECTION
Rory Best – Honoured and delighted to represent the Lions #allforone Robbie Henshaw – Delighted and honoured #allforConnacht Jared Payne – I’ll play with anyone #allforthecash CJ Stander – Wait till you see me singing the Lions anthem, bro #realpride Conor Murray – It’s just... Read more »

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