Category: Funnies

BOG CUTTINGS

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His trousers ‘simply fell off’

A JUDGE in Strabane has suggested that a Sion man buy a new pair of trousers after the defendant was convicted of indecent behaviour. Deputy District Judge Trevor Browne was dealing with the “highly unusual” case of Brendan McLaughlin (37) of Alexandra Place. The court heard that McLaughlin had been apprehended by police after reports that he had exposed his backside to a member of the public out walking her children.

McLaughlin told the police that he was not intentionally exposing himself, but rather that his trousers had fallen down. The claim was reiterated by his solicitor in court, who added that his client had lost a lot of weight before the incident, “with the result that his trousers simply fell off”. The judge was not satisfied with this explanation. “A fine of £150 should maybe focus his mind,” the judge said before adding, “Maybe buy some new trousers.”

Ulster Herald, submitted by reader

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‘Legislation to stop harassment and stalking to go before Dáil’The Irish Times today.

Squire Hockey would surely agree…

IN PRAISE OF GERRY’S GIRLS

Goldhawk had previously got by without being exposed to “Ireland’s Kardashians”, the late Gerry Ryan’s three daughters. Thankfully, the Irish Mail On Sunday’s ‘Magazine’ stepped up last weekend to remind shed some light on the siblings.

The article told through the lens of the Instagram accounts of  three girls – Lottie, Bonnie and Babette. Journalist Niamh Walsh was clearly impressed by the trio:

“Rather than shunning the life that their father loved and embraced, his three daughters … have instead followed cautiously into the public realm of the Insta-set, albeit with a wisdom and insight that others have failed to grasp.”

Impressive stuff alright. Moreover, “Some images show brief snaps of their beautiful period home in Clontarf, but there are no brash displays of privilege.” READ MORE »

EURO ELECTION DIARY #1

 

With an unprecedented number of new candidates in the running, Irish politics is set for a fresh injection of new blood. The first of many hard lessons came early as the experienced and wily covered the country in posters a day before the law permits.

In other rule flouting news, ESB Networks have issued a warning that posters on electricity poles are strictly prohibited due to the threat of fire as well as creating blind spots for traffic.

Outrage in Wexford as 17 Aontú posters disappeared within 4 days of being erected. When a rival candidate was found up a ladder last Saturday morning with a pair of clippers in hand, they claimed to be merely “straightening” them. READ MORE »

COMPETITION WINNER

Congratulations to Graham Saunders! The winner of our photo caption competition. Graham you’ve won 4 Flexi Tickets* for the Punchestown Festival Reserved Enclosure + €100 spending money!

BOG CUTTINGS

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Fishy business

A TYRONE man accused of assault became angered with the prosecutor’s line of questioning in East Tyrone Magistrates Court, demanding to know, “Are you making a cod of me?” John Thomas Cassidy from Killyfaddy Road, Moy, and his son, Ryan Cassidy, Drumarg Park, Armagh, were both accused of assaulting a man delivering water to Cassidy Snr’s farm.

Tyrone Herald, submitted by reader

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THE HOT AIR BRIGADE

Louise O'Neill

As a human being, the disconnect between how I see myself and how I’m seen by those around me can feel almost dehumanising, like my sense of self is splitting.

Louise O’Neill, Irish Examiner, submitted by reader

Read more from the Hot Air Brigade here

BOG CUTTINGS: MAN JAILED FOR THEFT OF 37 LIPSTICKS

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A 59-year old man has been sent to prison for stealing 37 lipsticks from a pharmacy. 

Silvi Lliev of 7/10 Upper Gardiner St, Dublin, appeared before Sligo District Court where he pleaded guilty to stealing the lipsticks from Cara Pharmacy, Quayside Shopping Centre on April 13th, 2018. 

The Bulgarian man was viewed on CCTV stealing the lipsticks worth a total of €4478.63. The court heard that the father of one had 36 previous convictions. 

Asked by Judge Kevin Kilrane if the man could repay the amount, defending solicitor John Anderson said his client could only afford to pay €20 per week, which would take him two years to pay back the entire amount. 

Judge Kilrane convicted Lliev, sentencing him to six months in prison. Recognisance was fixed. 

He is due to appear again before this Thursday’s court for the alleged theft of €445 worth of cosmetics at Cara Pharmacy, Main St Bundoran on July 19th, 2018. 

Sligo Champion: Submitted by reader 

FROM THE ARCHIVE: TIGER WOODS

Tiger Woods is back in the headlines for all the right reasons this time, his other claim to fame saw him appear on the front cover of The Phoenix back in 2014. 

You can peer across all of our covers stretching back 36 years here for free. 

BOG CUTTINGS: Shouting and roaring profanities

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A 36 YEAR-OLD scaffolder has paid a €300 contribution to Cashel District Court poor box for shouting and roaring at another man in Cashel town centre late at night. 

Read more in the latest issue here. And you can peer at previous cuttings from the bog here for free.