May 16, 2024 Craic & Codology

Culture: Find out why Montrose doesn’t have any Balance: Not much left owing to barter account Drama: Far too much of it in the finances Transparency: Public can see straight through RTÉ’s guff Diversity: Brendan O’Connor will continue to be classless Revenue: Price to be paid for broadcasting Full Irish Hidden Camera Show Broadcasting: No… Read more »

May 16, 2024 Craic & Codology

With more and more people set to arrive every night, despite the Maginot Line of barriers, you’ll never be short of someone new to meet. Pitch your tent in scenic Mount Street or camp by the Grand Canal, where facilities range from luxury plastic ground-sheets to total squalor and include: • A 24-hour Government service… Read more »

May 16, 2024 Craic & Codology

Ireland was brought to a standstill last night with the news that Doireann Garrihy is to leave her 2FM breakfast show at the end of this month. The broadcaster has said she intends to pursue unrealised ambitions, including producing an entertaining morning radio show that isn’t a total turn-off to listeners. “Doireann is a visionary… Read more »

May 16, 2024 Craic & Codology

The Government’s scheme to recycle its political representatives was facing increasing resistance last night as public disillusionment with the project continues to grow. Under the programme, consumers are asked to return their TD on the assurance that it will pay them to do so. However, many say they are “extremely disappointed” with the results. “I’ve… Read more »

May 16, 2024 Craic & Codology

With the coalition stuck in the 1970s, the Government is to be retrofitted to reduce its unsustainable amounts of hot air. Although environmentalists feel it is virtually impossible for the Government to display less energy, the coalition insists it is determined to reduce its output by as much as 75%. “The Government is built on… Read more »

May 16, 2024 Craic & Codology

Automated government spokesman With 40 years autocue experience, Dobson is ideally suited to voice recorded messages from Government Buildings. His robotic speaking style (“Please leave your message after the patronising tone”) will engage angry callers unable to get through to Liveline. Irish team manager Always careful to avoid going on the attack, Dobbo is the… Read more »

May 16, 2024 Craic & Codology

HOW THEY DIFFER Under the Mattress Barter Accounts Sleeps on the stuff Stuff of dreams Some lumps Lump sums Covered by blanket Blanket coverage Safe place Place in the safe Folded Unfolding Resting place No arrests in the place

May 2, 2024 Craic & Codology

Taoiseach Simon Harris has said that his Government will “do all it can” to curtail cross-border migration resulting from the UK’s Rwanda policy. In a strongly worded Instagram post, Harris said: “Ireland will not be taken advantage of by providing a loophole for other institution’s agendas – excluding the US military using Shannon Airport and… Read more »

May 2, 2024 Craic & Codology

By Hans Cuffed Gardaí are to be given “as many note pads and biros as are needed” when being deployed to scenes of protest and social arrest, according to the latest update from the Department of Justice. The unprecedented response follows criticism that the DoJ has failed to provide gardaí with adequate resources or training… Read more »

May 2, 2024 Craic & Codology

US President Joe Biden has expressed his admiration for Irish Eurovision candidate Bambi Thug, saying the singer’s hopelessly mealy-mouthed approach to the war in Gaza reflects his own chronic inaction. Furthermore, Biden has suggested Bambi Thug’s ability to speak outside both sides of the mouth suggests the possibility of a US presidential bid. “Bambi Thug… Read more »

May 2, 2024 Craic & Codology

Michael McGrath and Paschal Donohoe have urged their Cabinet colleagues to take a cautious approach to public spending. Their hard-hitting message comes as multiple promises were made at the recent Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael conferences. “Belt-tightening measures in the short term will combat the overheating caused by our last budgetary package spree, allowing us… Read more »

May 2, 2024 Craic & Codology

The cast of the long-running soap opera, Dáil City, have expressed anger over their treatment, with many fearing being given the boot at the next election. In particular, Government TDs feel the electorate have displayed a careless attitude, with many saying the priceless entertainment they provide has been cruelly undervalued. “While critics have dismissed the… Read more »

May 2, 2024 Craic & Codology

TAOISEACH Simon Harris has issued a whole-hearted apology to voters for the Government’s woeful performance in office over recent years. “I’m sorry if I get a little emotional here but I’m a passionate person and the one thing I’m most passionate about is not being blamed for things that happened long ago, such as the… Read more »

May 2, 2024 Craic & Codology

Amnesty International has thanked Scotland for its timely intervention, which helped ease the suffering of a much beleaguered group. “The bloodbath experienced by the Irish women’s rugby team at Twickenham was shocking to witness. How the world stood by and watched such cruelty is a mystery – assuming anyone could get the bloody RTÉ player… Read more »

May 2, 2024 Craic & Codology

by Our Secular Staff IT IS no bad thing, says education minister Norma Foley, that teachers in Catholic schools are now unlikely to believe in God or attend religious services, resulting in a growing shortage of staff to deliver faith-based education. Speaking on RTÉ last night, Ms Foley warmly welcomed the latest findings: “Ireland’s schools… Read more »

May 2, 2024 Craic & Codology

Controversial ex-US president Donald Trump has emerged as the latest candidate in the FAI’s ongoing search for a new manager, with Trump’s non-stop controversies and debacles said to be in-keeping with the FAI’s modus operandi over the past decade. In addition, Trump’s yawning and apparent disinterest during his current trial in New York is felt… Read more »