September 8, 2022 Craic & Codology

Micheál Martin has expressed his support for the one remaining TD who doesn’t own property anywhere in the country. The deputy in question last night posted an apologetic statement on social media, saying he plans to start buying property and ignoring ethics legislation as soon as possible. “I’m currently putting together an extensive portfolio and… Read more »

September 8, 2022 Craic & Codology

FROM SEPTEMBER 2023, Leaving Cert candidates will take paper one in English and Irish at the end of fifth year. “This radical initiative guarantees a sure-fire way of reducing student stress by creating two stressful periods of examination angst, one at the end of each year,” said education minister Norma Foley. “The Government also plans… Read more »

September 8, 2022 Craic & Codology

Boris Johnson Forever in the spotlight and always manages to make a show of himself at every opportunity. Instinctively leads with the right and never hesitates to step on people’s toes. Was caught flat-footed in recent times though. Rory McIlroy Knows how to stay in line and is in lockstep with the PGA these days…. Read more »

September 8, 2022 Craic & Codology

As Ireland’s Civil War commemorations rumble into their ninth month, all sides say they remain deeply committed to the cause. “It’s been a long, hard slog,” sighed one exhausted Soldier of Destiny following a successful assault on a post-presentation round of turkey sandwiches. “We’ve been bombarded with everything from ham to veal to trifle and… Read more »

September 8, 2022 Craic & Codology

Politicians have hailed news that Time Out has named Capel Street as one of the “coolest streets in the world”. Said one TD: “This will give me a great excuse to jack up the rents again on the several rental properties I own on the street.”

September 8, 2022 Craic & Codology

Excellent idea! Who amongst us has not at various times forgotten to do something important by leaving it until the last minute? Robert Troy I fully agree with Deputy Troy; we don’t want some totally innocent individual being misunderstood! Stephen Donnelly This is dangerous territory. I believe in the Leaving Cert as it is. It… Read more »

September 8, 2022 Craic & Codology

Liz – Expected to sweep into the north of the country in the coming weeks but should only last a short period. Vladimir – This massive weather system will continue to cause chaos to Europe and may hasten the arrival of a nuclear winter. Stagflation – This type of storm hasn’t been seen in decades… Read more »

September 8, 2022 Craic & Codology

Following the funeral of one of the 20th century’s most prominent political figures, Mikhail Gorbachev, Irish people took their turn to pay their respects to their own flatlining government. Meanwhile, a Government spokesman said the political funeral wouldn’t be attended by Fianna Fáil’s Jim O’Callaghan due to his “work schedule”. Bearing bouquets of carnations and… Read more »

August 25, 2022 Craic & Codology

Salman Rushdie’s literary output was always characterised by an intense sense of existential nausea, and a Dostoyevsky-like fixation on recondite sexual implosion. This was the point I put to him during a light-hearted, freewheeling discussion on 17th-century Mongolian expressionism at a meeting in Bono’s house around 1993. Although I have forgotten the exact wording, his… Read more »

August 25, 2022 Craic & Codology

Application: Thing you make when asking for asylum if things go pear shaped Third Party: Held after first two soirées celebrating the right result! Inspector: Oh dear, one of the top Garda chaps Change of Use: Looking for a new job Open Space: Area between Garda station door and desk Zero Emissions: Say nothing!

August 25, 2022 Craic & Codology

Taoiseach Micheál Martin has welcomed the recent difficulties surrounding luckless Minister of State for Amendments Robert Troy, who unfortunately failed for some time to register various properties, land and a directorship within the appropriate requirements. “People love to criticise Fianna Fáil’s record but this time there was nobody else involved, there were no corrupt payments,… Read more »

August 25, 2022 Craic & Codology

Robert Troy and the Explanations Disappointed many when he sold out a packed house in the midlands but then completely forgot to mention it to anyone. Renowned for his bland, inoffensive output and the ability to play the world’s smallest violin. Accommodation Crisis Frontman Darragh O’Brien sounds like a broken record these days and loves… Read more »

August 25, 2022 Craic & Codology

Tánaiste Leo Varadkar has strongly defended Finnish Prime Minister Sanna Marin after several videos surfaced showing her partying with friends. “Guys, can we all just, like, chill out, yeah?” said Varadkar recently. “All us cool, young, cosmopolitan politicians sometimes just need to pop on Kylie’s greatest hits and blow off some steam on the dance… Read more »

August 25, 2022 Craic & Codology

There has been widespread amazement to the news that An Garda Síochana has actually solved a crime. With gardaí usually more preoccupied with parading around in new uniforms and posting social media updates, the announcement that a criminal has been apprehended has caught observers by surprise. “This is all part of the trendy new-look gardaí,”… Read more »

August 25, 2022 Craic & Codology

Furious Opposition TDs are demanding a Sipo investigation after a minister offered a clear and transparent disclosure of property ownership on a register of interests. The minister has apologised profusely and said his close following of ethics rules was “an embarrassing oversight”. “Obviously this doesn’t meet the appalling standards people expect of Irish public representatives,”… Read more »

August 25, 2022 Craic & Codology

ROSE OF Tralee host Dáithí Ó Sé has said that this year’s competition was by far the best yet. “I really surpassed myself with the sheer amount of puff pieces – all about me – generated over recent months,” said the 46-year-old presenter. “There was even some half-baked guff about welcoming transgender contestants and married… Read more »

August 25, 2022 Craic & Codology

Children’s Hospital If you have a couple of decades to kill, why not sink your teeth into the children’s hospital? Comes complete with massive delays, cost overruns and built-in planning fiascos. Data Centre These energy sapping structures are wildly popular with members of the Government but critics often wonder if the long-term consequences outweigh the… Read more »

August 25, 2022 Craic & Codology

FOLLOWING THEIR team’s disastrous start to the new season, Manchester United’s dejected fans have been in a state of “total meltdown” over recent weeks. However, newly appointed coach Erik ten Hag has predicted that the Red Devils are on target to secure their proper place propping up the relegation zone. Flanked by armed minders at… Read more »

August 25, 2022 Craic & Codology

Following on from Rhasidat Adeleke’s breaking of an Irish record at the European Championships 400m, other homegrown competitors have also set new records: Going downhill – Fianna Fáil Shooting themselves in the foot – Fine Gael Swimming against the tide – Green Party Iron Man endurance record – Late Late Show viewers Skating on thin… Read more »