by Our Health Staff Dr Strangelove
It’s official. Reports about the dangers of eating red meat products are bad for consumers. The latest survey has found conclusive evidence that warnings about consuming sausages, bacon, hamburgers and reading scary newspaper articles are guaranteed to make you ill and shorten your life by “up to 20 years”.
“These recent findings directly contradict earlier surveys about the benefits of eating sausages, bacon, hamburgers and reading scary newspaper articles,” said one leading Dublin editor, Mike Madeup. “Nevertheless, they are still a stark reminder that we are always desperate to fill space on a Monday when there is no other news.”
Meanwhile, the Minister for Agriculture, Simon Coveney, today conceded that red meat products could carry a certain amount of risk.
“Vigilance is key,” said Mr Coveney. “I strongly recommend any minister who wishes to enjoy a healthy career to stay well clear of this highly dangerous issue.”