Craic & Codology

Ireland ‘will resemble The Gobi’, warns Kelly

In his most passionate statement yet against suspending water charges, acting environment minister Alan Kelly has warned that “Ireland is on the road to becoming a vast, arid, uninhabitable dessert populated by wild camels and watched over by vultures feeding on the carcasses of dehydrated householders,” unless the taxation remains.
Visibly emotional that his leadership ambitions may run dry (surely, ‘the nation’s taps’? – Ed), the Labour TD says “political and environmental sabotage will undoubtedly bring a return to Famine-like scenes, with hundreds of thousands of Irish men, women and children desperately fleeing the county in search of a better future. Mark my words, this cataclysmic failure by political leaders will bring us right back to the Groundhog days of the last five years. Er…”

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