Craic & Codology

Medical Matters

This week Dr Phil Hogan considers the dangers of jumping too fast

AS A doctor I am always very alert for incidents whereby people get their foot firmly stuck in their mouth, or Dailymailius Teeveethreenium, as it is called in the medical profession.

What happens is the hapless – hahah – victim becomes delusionary, perhaps due to a rush of blood to the head, accompanied by a perception that they are “beside themselves”. Of course, in a bid to dispel their torment they will kick out wildly and throw shapes while neglecting to close their mouths.

The resultant affliction can be very embarrassing and the dislodgment quite painful as it will involve a severe kick up the arse and a transplant of perhaps €200,000 into my account. Cheers.