Craic & Codology

Medical Matters

This week Dr Michael Noonan, (B.A.L.D.Y.) reflects on the ludicrous side of his work

Being a doctor well known throughout Europe I often get some very silly people seeking my intercession. Last week, for example, a Danish woman, who was obviously unstable and suffering from delusions, said to me: “Doctor, I have just discovered a very large lump of money that I think you should remove if you know what’s good for all of us!”

Naturally I just laughed at the silly woman’s amateur prognosis! Everyone knows that if you ignore these vast lumps they won’t bother anyone, whereas if you draw attention to them you end up with a huge headache and nightmares for years and years.

I find a mix of hair-shirts and dried figs will reduce greatly such swellings, but if you are worried about it come and talk to me. I’m sure we can work something out to get you smiling again.