Craic & Codology

ULSTER BANK HELPLINE

Ulsterbank logo
  • Press 1 for Account totalled annihilated and can’t get a taxi home in the rain
  • Press 2 for Card not being recognised by our ATM and a long, angry queue forming behind you
  • Press 3 If you need a tenner to tide you over for the weekend  
  • Press 4 If your car is being repossessed due to our complete incompetence
  • Press 5 For the latest heartfelt apology
  • Press 6 For six reasons not to ring Joe Duffy
  • Press 7 For helpful prayers that may sustain you while we mend this glitch
  • Sorry, Option 9 seems to have temporarily malfunctioned. We
    sincerely apologise for any inconvenience as we endeavour to rectify the…(Contd tomorrow and the next time and the next.)