Craic & Codology

Boris: I say!

Boris Johnson

Britain’s Foreign Secretary tells it like it isn’t

CRIPES! And extra cripes! Talk about a bombshell! Madam May has only gone and sanctioned the dreaded Heathrow extension. And guess what? Poor old Bojo’s constituency is directly under the bally flightpath. Mind you, with the current PM making such a mess of Brexit, we need to have extra capacity for Mr and Mrs John Bull to flee the country until proper government is restored.

I’m reliably told that the new runway will be discreetly shielded behind hedgerows and exotic palm trees. So it’s completely different to all the old proposals that I strictly opposed – which had no hedging whatsoever. Anyway, the Bozmeister is due to be called abroad on top-secret urgent business when the vote will take place in a week or two. Phew! Problem solved.

Unlike the ghastly situation with our new DUP chummies who are now planning to construct enormous walls and sea defences around Northern Ireland to stop these pro-abortion Irish Southerners kayaking round in the middle of the night. Friend Sammy Wilson going absolutely apoplectic in Westminster – even worse than Boxcar Willie McCrea. Seems as though these mad Creationist types won’t be happy until every women in the country is having babies left, right and centre – just like in The Handmaid’s Tale.

Simply can’t see why Mrs M lets them loose. The sooner she packs her ridiculous shoes and clears off, the better for everyone – especially my good self who will be finally installed in Downing Street full-time. That means getting down to business straightaway. Princess Meghan round for vital Brexit discussions and late-night drinks. Old Bozza back on top where he belongs. Phwoar!