AND IN that land there dwelt an ambitious woman of culture and occasional piety named Josepha who was known for her angelic voice and radiant presence. At an early age, she had a dazzling vision of the future and chose to join a self-righteous religious order led by the Blessed Vlad of Varadkar.
This saintly lady then entered the Pearly Gates of Leinster House, where she took a holy vow of celebrity. Converting to populist causes, she selflessly devoted all of her days to Godly work, smiting the unwashed multitudes, removing alms from the poor and seeking out the women’s vote at every opportunity.
And Josepha even entered a city-centre temple accompanied only by hordes of lowly media scribes. And when no priest was in sight, she sallied forth, mounted the pulpit and led the faithful in a solemn reading of the Good Book of Fine Gael.
And from that day forth, her shrill words rang out: “The time has come for powerful charismatic females like myself to utter the clarion call for women priests,” she shrieked. “For verily, this latest wheeze of mine is bound to divert attention from the party’s woes over all those countless cock-ups in the HSE.”
And lo, Josepha finally found the mass following she always craved and her shameless self-promotion was bestowed with favour in the Blessed Media.