Craic & Codology


Boris Johnson

Britain’s future PM tells it like it isn’t

Phworr! What a totally historic time for Bojo to finally take his rightful place in the No 10 hot seat. And let me just pay tribute to my distinguished predecessor, Mrs Mayday, who has been an eminently exceptional Tory leader and has coped pretty brilliantly, despite not being nearly up to the mark.

But make no mistake, we will never see the likes of this robotic nonentity again. So this now clears the way for yours truly to do another top-notch deal with our troglodyte DUP chums and guarantee that Britain will once again be the talk of Europe.

With Bozza in charge, expect generous tax cuts across the board – to really encourage the super-rich and our good pals in the banking sector.

On education, we can look forward to more buns at Eton. And watch out for an immediate significant reduction in hospital waiting lists – for all private patients. You can’t say fairer than that.

Meanwhile, fair-weather friend Gove is obviously a drug-crazed liar who isn’t remotely fitted for high office. Which leaves the Bozmeister right on the job to rescue everyone from the absolute disaster that Milady May has inflicted upon it. Onwards and upwards!

(That’s enough Boris – Ed.)

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