Craic & Codology

Craic & Codology


Medical Matters

A Consultant Writes: As a very important senior doctor who practises in one of the elite medical specialties, I am often asked, “What exactly is wrong with the Minister of Health?”

The simple answer is that Mr Harris is suffering from a routine government condition that we experts call Auditory Impairmentis Normalis, also known as profound hearing deficiency.

What happens is that after a long period in charge of the HSE, the minister becomes increasingly deaf to the acute suffering of consultants across the country. He is also prone to other very serious symptoms, such as inane chattering, obsessive self-promotion and votes of no confidence in his ability to deliver quality healthcare.

This is closely linked to Privatus Eradicationitis (the risk of removing private medicine from public hospitals), which could have catastrophic consequences, not least on the salaries of my highly paid colleagues.

Unfortunately, if you are worried about Simon Harris, there is nothing you can do about it.