O’DEVANEY GARDENS – THE KEY STATISTICS

Number of people happy with the deal: 2 (maybe)

Number of people who fully understand it: 0

Rise in Eoghan Murphy’s blood pressure: Through the roof

Affordability of ‘affordable homes’: One national lottery win away

Number of photos of some grinning minister cutting the ribbon after it’s all eventually sorted: 1,954,003

Profit for Richard Barrett and Bartra: Let’s just say they’ll start with the lobster frittata and a shovel of saffron on the side for the coming month, my good man.

I’M A ROYAL CELEBRITY GET ME OUT OF HERE