June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

Following the Tories’ humiliating bye-election defeats, Boris Johnson has said that “now is the time to listen, learn, and try to desperately deflect with more guff about the Northern Ireland protocol”. “If this result tells us anything, it’s that voters are outraged by Simon Coveney’s ludicrous demands on behalf of the Irish government,” Johnson insisted… Read more »

June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

Health: Public have fat chance of ever affording their own home Transport: Most people want this government to take a hike Education: Students to give Norma Foley third degree about Leaving Cert results Finance: Find out why voters don’t have a red cent by the end of the month Agriculture: Government to continue with its… Read more »

June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

Economists have issued a stark warning about the spiralling number of cost-of-living fillers in the national media, with the growing spectre of ‘stagflation’ – whereby hacks stagger home from pubs after spending the entire day churning out articles on inflation – now causing mounting concern. “We are seeing an unprecedented rise in these stories across… Read more »

June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

There was widespread disbelief this week after it emerged that no Irish banks were involved in any financial scandals. The surreal atmosphere follows on from the decision of the Central Bank to fine AIB and EBS almost €100 million for their role in the tracker mortgage scandal. However, banking experts have warned the public these… Read more »

June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

Irish poet Michael D Higgins has called on the government to provide affordable housing for all. Having spent the past decade housed by the state, the self-described ‘inspirational wordsmith’ lambasted the government, hoping to urge them to spread the wealth around. Speaking from the steps of his massive gaff, Mr Higgins, stated that luxurious state… Read more »

June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

FINANCE MINISTER Paschal Donohoe has hinted that Budget 2023 will be a complex balancing act, requiring “radical measures”. “With a cost of living crisis looming, it’s time to act,” said Mr Donohoe, “and like the rest of my government colleagues, I’m particularly good at acting concerned.” Those Radical Measures (in full) 5% cut in fuel… Read more »

June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

Minister Catherine Martin is introduce an innovative new live performance grant, with the amount of theatrical grandstanding and scenery-chewing in Irish politics reaching an all-time high. It is believed President Michael D. Higgins may be among the first to benefit from the scheme. “Irish politicians provide endless entertainment with their hammy performances,” said Martin. “It’s… Read more »

June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

By Gall Cullen Public health experts have warned Ireland stands on the brink of another major crisis, as ministers struggle to mask their chronic deficiencies, particularly when it comes to the cost-of-living crisis. There is a growing fear that a “summer wave” of outright panic is about to rock government buildings, as the coalition faces… Read more »

June 30, 2022 Craic & Codology

Simon Coveney I completely support Ukraine’s application as long as it doesn’t endanger my future employment prospects with the august political bloc. The last thing I need is lots of competent, charismatic politicians snatching EU jobs which I deserve. Emmanuel Macron Some say it’s quite ironic that I kept encouraging Ukraine to make territorial concessions… Read more »

June 29, 2022 Craic & Codology

TRAINS BORIS JOHNSON Run on tracks Going off the rails Electric engines Shocking allegations Pull freight Pulls strokes Carry passengers Wanted job for Carrie Drivers on strike Driving division Numerous stops Always gets off

June 16, 2022 Craic & Codology

by Harry Magoo Irish journalists were amazed last night to discover that a sensational story they believed had died back in 1982 was, in fact, very much alive and living within the country’s leading news organisations. One delighted hack said: “It’s been 40 years since fun-loving taoiseach Charlie Hockey introduced Irish society to the term… Read more »

June 16, 2022 Craic & Codology

Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman has come in for heavy criticism due to Saudi Arabia’s continued use of ruthless mercenaries in proxy wars of publicity. The deployment of amoral soldiers of fortune to prop up the odious regime is regularly condemned by international observers. However, the Gulf nation has seen its forces bolstered by the… Read more »

June 16, 2022 Craic & Codology

Leo Varadkar Has virtually no allies on the island and most people are infuriated by his vapid comments and exhibitionist behaviour. Has an interest in body waxing due to everyone tearing their hair out listening to his dull guff. Boris Johnson His pathological love of partying has caused him a hunk of problems but Boris… Read more »

June 16, 2022 Craic & Codology

A century on from when he started reading ‘Ulysses’, David McWaffle has finished the book. Now, in a bid for some literary credibility, this self-promoter gets a huge plug from us on the eve of his Dorkey Book Festival. In this riveting puff piece, McWaffle coins even more catchy terms like Bloomonomics, to leverage some… Read more »

June 16, 2022 Craic & Codology

By Dee Lay Ireland’s mental health service has come under severe strain following Dublin Airport Authority’s decision to suspend its elite Platinum service. Commentators say the psychiatric sector is experiencing “an unprecedented demand for counselling” as business executives, rock stars, actors and politicians are forced to check in alongside regular travellers. One tearful bank executive… Read more »