Category: Craic & Codology

CARTOONS 4010-01

Tim Bales - meter

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CARTOONS 4010-02

Bernie - troubles

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CARTOONS 4010-03

deAn - goodtime

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CARTOONS 4010-04

Hickey - Essentials

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CARTOONS 4010-05

Jonesy - new born babies

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CARTOONS 4010-06

Jonesy - you're liberated

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CARTOONS 4010-07

Keyes - inches

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CARTOONS 4010-08

Lennon - Bono Kyiv

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CARTOONS 4010-09

Mark Wood - Bicycle

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CARTOONS 4010-10

Mark Wood - Deliveroo

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CARTOONS 4010-11

McCabe - eurovision

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CARTOONS 4010-12

Paul Wood - hearse

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CARTOONS 4010-13

Royston - water cooler

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CARTOONS 4010-14

Scott Masear - sight test

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CARTOONS 4010-15

Scott Masear - upgrade service

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CARTOONS 4010-16

Theo - Bitcoin graph

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OZONE

ozone-05-20-22

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CARTOONS 4010-17

Keyes - p3-toon

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DUP ACCUSED OF SUPPORTING DEMOCRACY

Jeffrey Donaldson

DUP leader Jeffrey Donaldson has described comments that his party favours democracy as an “outrageous slur”, as its party continues its shameless grandstanding over the north’s executive. After the DUP blocked the appointment of an assembly speaker, Donaldson accused the other parties of having a clear agenda to go into government. “I completely reject the... Read more »

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JOB ADVERTISEMENT – IRISH DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH

Irish Department of Health

Have you ever seen Grey’s Anatomy or E.R.? Have you ever set foot in a hospital? Do you have an interest in medicine? If so, there might be a job for you in… The Department of Health Due to an unprecedented turnover of personnel, we’re currently recruiting to fill pretty much every position. Working in... Read more »

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BRITAIN DROPS BLANKET AMNESTY

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THE British government has abandoned plans for a blanket amnesty for Troubles-related offences and is planning to bring in new legislation. Said prime minister Boris Johnson: “The earlier arrangements simply weren’t working – especially for all those ordinary trigger-happy veterans who were unfortunately prosecuted for inadvertently shooting the odd unarmed Paddy or two. “So, we’re... Read more »

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PUTIN TRAPPED IN QUAGMIRE

Putin

Exclusive by all political columnists From my apartment in New York, it is not easy to get an insight into the mind of Vladimir Putin. What is certain, however, is that in late February, Putin launched an invasion of Ukraine – and that I have 1,000 words to fill. Undoubtedly, I have an exceptional feel... Read more »

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CELEBRITIES REACT TO THE WAGATHA CHRISTIE TRIAL

Roy Keane

Roy Keane Two spoilt divas squabbling over trivial nonsense and secretly hoping that they can get a book deal out of the whole thing. It’s actually very reminiscent of myself and Mick McCarthy back in Saipan… Leo Varadkar How could you respect anybody who allegedly leaked important information? All this stuff about finding stories and... Read more »

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SCULLION CITES MARTIN AS INSPIRATION

Brooke Scullion

Irish Eurovision entrant Brooke Scullion is citing Micheál Martin’s poll ratings as an inspiration as she looks to take the next step in her career. Scullion missed out on a place in the Eurovision finals after failing to secure a top 10 place in the semi-final, but she says Martin’s resilience in the face of... Read more »

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THAT PRESIDENT BIDEN VISIT SPEECH … THAT ALL OF IRELAND WILL HEAR

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My fellow Irishmen and womenfolk, it’s just so darn great to be here in the ancestral Biden family homeland (fill in name of small town with tenuous links to the president’s forefathers). But to be serious for a moment – Ireland now faces a new and terrible peril, which reminds me of the dark days... Read more »

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CONCERN GROWING OVER ‘STATUESQUE’ LABOUR PARTY

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Fears are growing for the survival of Ireland’s Labour party following the removal of a statue of the late actress Maureen O’Hara in Glengarriff, west Cork, amid criticism of the work. “I’m afraid the parallels are quite ominous”, said one critic. “The Labour party is standing still, gazing at the horizon with its hands lying... Read more »

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GOLF OIREACHTAS EVENT RETURN CHAOS

Greg Norman

Golf superstar Greg Norman has condemned the decision of the Oireachtas Golf Society to resume activities this summer. Having recently been criticised for attempting to downplay the murder of journalist Jamal Khashoggi by Saudi authorities, the two-time major winner declared moves by Irish politicians to restart events following Golfgate as “sickening”. “Certain members of this... Read more »

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JOHNSON ‘WILL NOT BE BOUND’ BY DEFENCE PLEDGE SIGNED WITH FINLAND AND SWEDEN

Boris Johnson

British prime minister Boris Johnson has said that the recent defence treaty, signed with Finland and Sweden, needs to be altered if it is to work. “The details of this pact, which we helped draft and willingly signed up to, are despicably onerous for the United Kingdom,” raged foreign secretary Miss Trust. “We must do... Read more »

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MEDIC REMAINS IN HEALTH DEPT SHOCK

Medical matters

The Department of Health is reeling from the latest news that one of its leading medics is to remain in situ. The development threatens to destabilise the department, where staff have recently been exiting on an hourly basis. “I can assure people this is only a one-off and staff will resume fleeing for the exits... Read more »

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‘TERMINATING MATERNITY HOSPITAL PLANS WOULD BE IMMORAL’, SAYS GOVERNMENT

National Maternity Hospital

As discontent over the siting of the new national maternity hospital on the grounds of St Vincent’s rumbles on, government ministers insist that “aborting any government idea” is “totally against our conscience”. “Every government idea is precious, no matter how it looks when scanned,” said one senior figure. “We were all present when the scheme... Read more »

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THAT BONO MEMOIR

bono memoir

WAY BACK in 1984, I woke up with just a simple chord in my head which turned out to be a whole song when my producer Brian Eno got hold of it. We’re such an amazing team. Already dreaming of becoming the most famous artist on the planet and living in a great big castle... Read more »

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‘WE ARE ALL THREATENED BY RISE OF SINN FÉIN!’, WARNS DUP

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In its most grim warning so far on the danger posed by Sinn Féin’s ‘power grab’, a DUP spokesman says the republican party “will not stop at Northern Ireland and the republic, but will endeavour to conquer the UK, and then the entire European continent unless it is stopped now!” Speaking from a 1970s-built bunker,... Read more »

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NEW HURLING SCANDAL

hurling

A top intercounty hurler has apologised after failing to headbutt an opponent during an encounter in a pub. His actions have been universally condemned and he has been dropped from his county squad for the remainder of the season. “Incidents like this only serve to drag the game’s reputation further into the gutter,” said a... Read more »

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RESPITE FOR UKRAINE AS NO PUBLICITY TRIPS TODAY, SHOCK!

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Commentators say tensions in war-torn Ukraine have “eased considerably” following reports that no publicity or celebrity visits occurred in the devastated country yesterday. Presidents, prime ministers and Hollywood celebs have visited the embattled country in ‘expressions of support’, before getting the hell out of there before things went awry! (Surely before getting so angry they... Read more »

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PUBLIC REACTS TO THAT RONAN GLYNN RESIGNATION

Stephen Donnelly

Stephen Donnelly It was totally unexpected. Even I didn’t predict it, with my long experience of getting everything wrong as health minister. The really annoying thing about all this, however, is that Dr Glynn has such an excessively high profile on the department’s Twitter account. Mary Lou McDonald When-oh-when will this ham-fisted government get some... Read more »

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