September 4, 2025 Craic & Codology

Former taoiseach Bertie Ahern has poured sour milk on the news of Fianna Fáil’s leadership choice for the Áras – Jim Gavin. Speaking exclusively to The Worst, Mr Ahern said: “He won a few All-Ireland’s but dat was mostly beatin’ Mayo – like who couldn’t have done dat.” Mr Ahern has the support of many… Read more »

September 4, 2025 Craic & Codology

Health minister Jennifer Carrots MacNeill has called for the immediate removal of the triple lock. Said Ms Carrots MacNeill: “By removing this oppressive restriction, we can make our own independent decisions to do nothing at all on the global stage. “Obviously, up to now, there has been no interest in this matter but I can… Read more »

September 4, 2025 Craic & Codology

Irish media circles have been rocked to the foundations with the news that Claire Byrne is to sensationally leave RTÉ for arch rival Newstalk. It is expected Byrne’s Newstalk programme is to contain the same familiar mix of dull news coverage and boring analysis. “This news obviously has Ireland alive with indifference,” said RTÉ DG… Read more »

September 4, 2025 Craic & Codology

Ireland’s Fittest Family Join director general Kevin Bakhurst as he frantically tries to work out why the national broadcaster is running out of money, constantly being overtaken by events and regularly jumping the shark. Contains loads of dead weight presenters, who some viewers may find upsetting. The Money Pit Host Baz Ashmawy does his best… Read more »

September 4, 2025 Craic & Codology

Former Labour leader Alan Kelly has apologised for any confusion or concern he may have caused after he opened fire on his own party. In what has been described as a ‘friendly fire’ incident, Kelly went AWOL in Tipperary and shots were heard live on radio in the direction of Labour-backed presidential candidate Catherine Connolly…. Read more »

September 4, 2025 Craic & Codology

• Make crime illegal • Turn the West Wing into the Right Wing • Stop state-funded accommodation (Ipas centres, Áras an Uachtaráin etc) • Have the Misneach to expand presidential dog care from one to hundreds at market rates • Learn about how presidential elections work

September 4, 2025 Craic & Codology

There have been calls for drastic Government action after an affordable apartment was found within a four-hour drive of Dublin city. There are fears the development could ruin Ireland’s reputation as an economic basket case being run into the ground by the Government. “It’s completely unacceptable,” acknowledged one Government insider. “Rest assured, the coalition is… Read more »

September 4, 2025 Craic & Codology

By Jim Gavin As Dublin football manager, I was regularly criticised for my dull, robotic interviews. To people who fear that may translate to the campaign trail, I say this: reaching the Áras is very difficult and I’ll be taking it one challenge at a time. Again, with people suggesting I might run a boring… Read more »

September 4, 2025 Craic & Codology

Tánaiste and defence minister Simon ‘the Commander’ Harris has angered voters and political rivals alike with plans to double the time and money spent defending the Government’s ‘coalition of the wilting’ against attack. The diktat comes amidst fears by the ruling parties that the administration may be quickly wiped out in a swift assault on… Read more »

September 4, 2025 Craic & Codology

Defence: Alan Kelly starting guerrilla campaign against Ivana Bacik Climate change: Bertie Ahern complaining about being left out in the cold Health: Jennifer Carroll MacNeill hoping to switch off Simon Harris’s political life support Transport: Jim Gavin strenuously denying that he’s a backseat driver Education: Helen McEntee not paying any attention to school strikes Communications:… Read more »

August 21, 2025 Craic & Codology

By all hacks A few short weeks ago, Gareth Sheridan was just another businessman desperately seeking publicity for his memoir. But in a short timeframe, the 35-year-old Dubliner has been rocketed into the media spotlight, as journalists report on his business ventures, Wall Street ambitions – and various other details I have painstakingly sourced from… Read more »

August 21, 2025 Craic & Codology

Ireland has the potential to become a world capital of AI, according to FF TD Malcolm Byrne, with many members of the Oireachtas already appearing completely robotic and devoid of personality. With many predicting AI will wipe out boring and repetitive tasks, it is also believed ministers’ Six One News appearances will soon come under… Read more »

August 21, 2025 Craic & Codology

Lessons: Trump impressed with Russia’s key takeaways – especially Crimea. Ceasefire: Putin concerned about President Trump’s incessant attacks on Zelenskyy. Peace talks: Little prospect of a breakthrough except for Russian offensive lines. Demilitarisation: Donald determined to keep gunning for Rosie O’Donnell. Sanctions: Trump has managed to avoid virtually everyone of them. Cultural Exchange: Europeans unimpressed… Read more »

August 21, 2025 Craic & Codology

IN A dramatic move welcomed widely by himself, Irish rock legend Bono has called for Israel to be freed from Benjamin Netanyahu while urging Hamas to release the hostages. Speaking at the Ivor No Shame Awards, U2’s frontman emphasised the dense complexity of the problem. “The whole genocide thing is so complex that it’s taken… Read more »

August 21, 2025 Craic & Codology

… As I was saying on pages 2, 5, 6 and 10, the pressure on me reached unbearable heights when I was told what weather patterns to report! I was actually given a chart based on information from satellites that I had never seen and instructed to repeat that information without question! This was despite… Read more »

August 21, 2025 Craic & Codology

Micheál Martin The Kneecap trial highlights the importance of being bold when setting out your radical vision of the future. And experienced politicians like myself understand that getting high on raucous rap and drugs is far from the shared-island solution required to be on the right side of history. Nigel Farage They swarm here in… Read more »

August 21, 2025 Craic & Codology

The time has come to shake up a presidential campaign dominated by dour figures in grey suits. Only I personally have the charisma to set the campaign trail alight as I prioritise vital issues such as traffic-light management, the country’s inadequate supply of paperclips and making motor tax more efficient. One thing is certain; the… Read more »

August 21, 2025 Craic & Codology

➜ Significant number of officers want to hit the road ➜ Levels of alleged laziness is breathtaking ➜ A lot hoping to speed up their retirements ➜ Commissioner definitely being taken for a ride ➜ Management denying they need to hit the brakes ➜ No signs of malaise slowing down ➜ Public witnessing a complete… Read more »

August 21, 2025 Craic & Codology

by Our Taylor Swift staff THE POP megastar is back and while details are scarce, that doesn’t mean a thing. There is certainly no shortage of gossip about superstar Taylor Swift and her loved-up NFL player boyfriend, Travis Beefy. Said one editor: “How could anyone have predicted that, after running out of Oasis front-page hype… Read more »

August 21, 2025 Craic & Codology

The proposed Dublin Metro has said that developments in AI will soon make Dermot Desmond unnecessary, as the rapidly evolving technology more perfectly mimics self-obsessed billionaires who love the sound of their own voices. “We’re working on an AI driven by rampant egotism,” said the Metro. “It’s completely shrill and insufferable, so it’s likely to… Read more »