March 20, 2025 Craic & Codology

Ukraine to give Russia everything it wants New Ukrainian resort to be named after Donald Trump Ukraine to be renamed Ukrainian States of America Ukraine to give THE US control of all natural resources plus Netflix account Statue of JD Vance TO BE ERECTED in Kyiv Er… … That’s it

March 20, 2025 Craic & Codology

Ahead of Ireland’s two-legged Nations League play-off against Bulgaria, manager Heimir Hallgrímsson has said he’s taking inspiration from the Irish rugby team’s implosion against France. He has suggested the dire Irish display in the Six Nations clash had many of the hallmarks of his own team. “It’s flattering to see the rugby boys taking their… Read more »

March 20, 2025 Craic & Codology

Dublin Zoo is excited to announce its latest immersive experience, welcoming some of the world’s most realistic and terrifying animatronic dinosaurs. The Martin-Triceratops Horridus Relentlessly simpers while relying on an elongated brown snout to cower in the long grass before crawling on all fours before Trumposaurus Rex. The Healy-Raedons Wily pre-hysteric (Surely ‘prehistoric’? – Ed.)… Read more »

March 20, 2025 Craic & Codology

Sir Jim Ratcliffe has announced plans for a 100,000 seat misery-palace stadium to replace Old Trafford. The project is expected to cost £2bn, equivalent to the salaries of some 40,000 tea ladies. “Unfortunately, we don’t actually have that many tea ladies to sack,” said the wiry CEO, “which is a great shame for me on… Read more »

March 20, 2025 Craic & Codology

• Flooding the airwaves with Dáil speaking rows • Splashing out on St Patrick’s Day junkets • Not doing a tap of work • Watering down pre-election promises • Half of them not giving a dam • Coffers overflowing at children’s hospital • Washing one’s hands of Michael Lowry

March 20, 2025 Craic & Codology

With his grey suits and greyer personality, Canada’s new prime minister has had international political observers asking, ‘Mark who?’ But as he prepares to fight Donald Trump’s threatened trade tariffs, Carney has been sounding off about his cherished Irish roots. “My grandparents came from Hokeytown, near Paddysville on the famed Cavan/Waterford border,” reflected a misty-eyed… Read more »

March 20, 2025 Craic & Codology

After his meeting with Micheál Martin, Donald Trump has expressed his concern over a ‘massive deficit’, with Ireland currently engaging in 200% more fawning, gushing and brown-nosing than the US. Trump addressed the imbalance during an Oval Office meeting, which saw Martin reach record levels of obsequiousness and servility. “Look, the Irish are very smart,… Read more »

March 20, 2025 Craic & Codology

AN OFFICIAL ceremony yesterday marked the renaming of TCD’s main library after poet Eavan Boring. It was formerly called after George Berk, who owned a slave plantation in America during the 1800s. “Research now categorically shows that Berk was neither a modern Irishwoman nor even a feminist poet,” said a Trinity spokesperson. “Today it is… Read more »

March 20, 2025 Craic & Codology

Government officials have denied stunning revelations that Facebook officials were given a special phone providing direct access to the Irish government to resolve any issues they might encounter. Said one official: “We were doing all we could to try to encourage them to set up in Ireland in 2008. The last thing we’d do to… Read more »

March 20, 2025 Craic & Codology

Fears are growing over the potentially horrific consequences that tariff war stories could have on the Irish people. President Trump’s threats of levying charges on imports from the EU has sparked widespread panic and uncertainty among journalists based here. Experts point to evidence that suggests there has been a massive increase in the number of… Read more »

March 20, 2025 Craic & Codology

RETURN OF the dismal dating show that sees a random group of ‘famous’ simpletons (Surely, singletons? – Ed.) searching for love while – here’s the hook – learning a cúpla focal. Kneecap eat your heart out! There are tantrums galore as Dublin Bay North’s bronzed beefcake, ‘Barra’ Heneghan, is so desperate to get equal speaking… Read more »

March 20, 2025 Craic & Codology

Sinn Féin press officers are said to be reeling following the latest scandal to hit the party. In an entirely unprecedented and shocking 24 hours, no TDs or officials associated with the party were arrested. Said a visibly shaken Mary Lou McDonald: “We can only apologise to our supporters for this lamentable drop in standards…. Read more »

March 6, 2025 Craic & Codology

Bono has said it was only “with the greatest reluctance” that he agreed to talk about himself in a new Apple TV+ documentary, Bono: No Surrender. The film is described as a “lyrical, bold” exploration of how the U2 singer’s head swelled to unprecedented dimensions. “It offers a spectacular insight into how one man could… Read more »

March 6, 2025 Craic & Codology

Fears are growing that Micheál Martin’s planned trip to the White House is in jeopardy following the tumultuous meeting between Donald Trump and Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelenskyy. The Taoiseach, like Zelenskyy, intended to use his visit to the Oval Office to appeal for continued assistance from the US as he remains locked in a vicious… Read more »

March 6, 2025 Craic & Codology

Artillery – Several loose cannons (Micheál Martin etc) Firearms – Cabinet going ballistic about triple lock Aircraft – Coalition getting rid of neutrality by stealth Combat vehicles – Simon Harris’s popularity tanking Tracking equipment – Nato entry going under the radar Equine – Trojan horses to be used for militarisation

March 6, 2025 Craic & Codology

Micheál Martin Regarding diplomatic links and boosting investment, my historic American visit speaks volumes – just as I myself will do when courageously stating Ireland’s steadfast position in grovelling to everything Trump wants. Simon Harris Awesome catch-up on the cards with Philly’s live-wire diaspora before hitting NYC to grab a bite of the big bagel…. Read more »

March 6, 2025 Craic & Codology

Tony Holohan: Hotly tipped by the Irish Times as the country’s most respected crisis expert, whose compassionate briefings during lockdown make him the obvious choice to protect desperate would-be homeowners from greedy lumps of landlords. Mick O’Leary: The people’s straight-talking favourite to ramp up mass production of pop-up bedsit blocks within easy 99km coach access… Read more »

March 6, 2025 Craic & Codology

MICHEÁL MARTIN has again expressed his deep sense of outrage over the National Gallery’s purchase of an unused X-ray scanner, costing €125,000. Speaking outside the new Leinster House security hut, he said: “While the cost is relatively insignificant – compared to the Children’s Hospital signed off on by Simon Harris – I am determined to… Read more »

March 6, 2025 Craic & Codology

RTÉ has been hyping up its new weekly daytime schedule, saying it looks forward to “record-setting audience figures”, as listeners turn off in droves. Among the highlights is Doireann Garrihy’s return with a new afternoon show, although most listeners had barely noticed she’d left. “We can’t wait to unveil this fresh new line-up of people… Read more »

March 6, 2025 Craic & Codology

Rumours are mounting that former taoiseach Leo Varadkar and celebrity fitness enthusiast and ex-army ranger Ray Goggins are filming a survival show in South Africa. Speaking of his delight at learning from such a renowned survival expert, Goggins said: “Leo is a master in the art of survival. He made his name ducking dangerous questions… Read more »

March 6, 2025 Craic & Codology

Despite proposed changes to the triple lock mechanism, Tánaiste Simon Harris said the Irish Government’s neutrality is not at risk and that it will remain hopelessly indecisive on a range of key issues. Nonetheless, the Tánaiste did concede the coalition would continue to employ an army of spin doctors to get its message across. “This… Read more »

March 6, 2025 Craic & Codology

RTÉ headquarters in Montrose was said to be in “the grip of fear” last night following Green Party leader Roderic O’Gorman’s call for legislation to regulate and curtail drones. The station has become a focal point for condemnation after reports that ‘stars’ such as Joe Deaffy and Miriam O’Clangahan engage in “droning on for hours… Read more »