Category: Craic & Codology

CARTOONS 4105-13

Schwadron - i can smoke

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CARTOONS 4105-14

Steve Jones - wrong place

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CARTOONS 4105-15

Theo - Food bank

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OZONE

Ozone-7-3-23

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CARTOONS 4105-16

Keyes - chatGPT

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WHO THE HELL IS HOLLY?

Holly Cairns

WHO IS this political meteor and doe-eyed newcomer who is set to rock Leinster House to its very foundations? Make no mistake, when the sensational news broke that the youthful Cork TD Holly Cairns was to head up the Social Democrats party, the entire country came together as one to ask: “Who?” According to one member... Read more »

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THE DUP’S SEVEN TESTS FOR THE WINDSOR AGREEMENT

Hand shake

1. Does it benefit Them’uns at all? 2. Can we easily add the word “NO” before the new agreement’s title? 3. Will it result in a peerage? 4. Can we use it to stick it to Them’uns? 5. Was it signed on the Lord’s Day? 6. Does it ensure we are treated like other British... Read more »

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UKRAINE ANNIVERSARY: CASUALTIES MOUNTING

pub drinks

As the war in Ukraine enters its second year, news desks across Ireland say casualties continue to spiral at an unprecedented rate. “We lost poor Jeff last Thursday, just a week after he was sent to the front pages,” sighed one newspaper boss in the Midlands. “I’m afraid 2,000 words on the afternoon shift did... Read more »

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WARM WELCOME FOR DEFAMATION LEGISLATION REFORM

Jay Bourke Ellie Kisyombe Francesca McDonagh Ted Cunningham National Space Centre An Irish Goodbye Oscar Robert Quirke Ciara Kelly Executive Women Gathering Doug Taylor Florian Haufe Robbie Henshaw Bill Shipsey Breaking the Silence L’Ecrivain Ronan McNally National Lottery Michael Roche Energy Action Balls.ie Newspapers VAT Abbey Theatre Patricia Madden Irish Banking Culture Board Randox Aoife Gallagher Book Dalai Lama Trinity Trevor White RTÉ Chairperson Shane Houlihan Noel Smyth IKC Bob Geldof Landlord Ireland Neutrality Ukraine

Leo Varadkar I’M PERSONALLY fast-tracking the reforms as this is something I care deeply about – and it’s certainly nothing at all to do with the Shinners. In the meantime, I’m confident the country’s media will continue to understand their responsibility in dealing with private matters concerning leading politicians… Thanks, guys. Shane Ross IRELAND’S antiquated... Read more »

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JARLATH BURNS’S PRIORITIES AS GAA PRESIDENT

Jarlath Burns

Maximum of 25 extra men allowed when team is defending last-minute free Fines and suspensions imposed if matches fail to end in mass brawl Negotiate deal with WWE and UFC for club championship coverage Medal of bravery for goalkeepers facing Dublin in Leinster football championship New hurling tier exclusively for Limerick

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AMNASTY INTERNATIONAL – VICTIM OF THE MONTH

Denis O'Brien

Dinny’s worried face says it all. Mercilessly targeted by bond creditors, he may lose up to 90% of his Digihell group. As well as being a devastating blow to his legendary ego, it would force him to get a new monthly mobile plan and would be a cruel fate for a much-loved businessman, celebrated for... Read more »

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NPHET EXPERT SLAMS NPHET

Martin Cormican

FORMER NPHET member Professor Martin Comical has launched a stinging attack on the state advisory team’s handling of lockdown measures during the pandemic. Said the UCG academic: “Apart from the vaccination – which should have been 100% mandatory – all the other guidelines were a gross denial of basic human rights. “We told people to... Read more »

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WINDSOR FRAMEWORK GLOSSARY

Brexit Deal

• Tory-fied: The fear that fragile perishables might not last long • Boris Proofed: Heavy duty vellum paper used to ensure text cannot be torn up • Collinsated: Goods that may not be registered properly • Trussed: Passed through very quickly •DUP Brake: Mechanism by which everything comes to a complete and indefinite halt

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DR BERTIE ANSWERS YOUR PERSONAL QUESTIONS

Bertie Ahern doctorate

Dear Dr Bertie, I sweat a lot after vigorous exercise. Should I be worried about this? Drumcondra resident. Dr Bertie says: It’s completely normal to perspire during the course of some physical activity. I myself will be running between now and the next presidential election. However, try keep to keep clean – I’ve been trying... Read more »

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REACTIONS TO NEW SOC DEM LEADER HOLLY CAIRNS

Micheal Martin

Micheál Martin I wish Holly all the best but I would caution politicians – and especially my own party – against rapid leadership changes anytime soon. It’s far better to stick with a tried-and-tested leader who is slightly ahead of the Soc Dems in the polls. Stephen Kenny I’m worried this course of action could... Read more »

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CITIZENS’ ASSEMBLY GUIDE TO POPULAR DRUGS

psychedelic colors

Chronic: Developed over the last few decades, this mind-altering substance manages to slow down the perception of time. The result is an experience that is virtually identical to being on a HSE waiting list. Drone: Causes a feeling of lightheadedness and fatigue that is akin to listening to Michael O’Leary talking about unmanned aerial vehicles... Read more »

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DAVE FANNING PAYS TRIBUTE TO HIMSELF

Dave Fanning

Obviously, I have made a legendary contribution to Irish radio, starting when I first began playing U2 in the 1970s, which I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned before. I’ve always been keen to downplay my association with the band, although I’ve remained the first DJ to play all their new singles, even the ones that... Read more »

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PAUL MESCAL FILLER

Paul Mescal

Exclusive by all showbiz hacks “Who is the real Paul Mescal?” That is the question the whole country is grappling with, especially me after my editor instructed me to churn out another 1,000 words about the Maynooth star. (Great start – Ed.) With his Wikipedia page open, I feel confident I can provide some new... Read more »

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POTTER BOOSTS DONNELLY

Jay Bourke Ellie Kisyombe Francesca McDonagh Ted Cunningham National Space Centre An Irish Goodbye Oscar Robert Quirke Ciara Kelly Executive Women Gathering Doug Taylor Florian Haufe Robbie Henshaw Bill Shipsey Breaking the Silence L’Ecrivain Ronan McNally National Lottery Michael Roche Energy Action Balls.ie Newspapers VAT Abbey Theatre Patricia Madden Irish Banking Culture Board Randox Aoife Gallagher Book Dalai Lama Trinity Trevor White RTÉ Chairperson Shane Houlihan Noel Smyth IKC Bob Geldof Landlord Ireland Neutrality Ukraine

Ireland’s beleaguered health minister, Stephen Donnelly, has received a much-needed morale boost, following a vote of confidence from Chelsea gaffer Graham Potter. Said Potter: “Obviously he’s unlucky with several people carrying knocks at the same time but I look at his record and think, ‘Wow!’ The main thing is the crowds keep turning up. “And... Read more »

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IRISH-RUSSIAN SPY SHOCK!

Jay Bourke Ellie Kisyombe Francesca McDonagh Ted Cunningham National Space Centre An Irish Goodbye Oscar Robert Quirke Ciara Kelly Executive Women Gathering Doug Taylor Florian Haufe Robbie Henshaw Bill Shipsey Breaking the Silence L’Ecrivain Ronan McNally National Lottery Michael Roche Energy Action Balls.ie Newspapers VAT Abbey Theatre Patricia Madden Irish Banking Culture Board Randox Aoife Gallagher Book Dalai Lama Trinity Trevor White RTÉ Chairperson Shane Houlihan Noel Smyth IKC Bob Geldof Landlord Ireland Neutrality Ukraine

NEWS THAT a Russian woman identified as an alleged security risk in Australia previously held a sensitive public position in Cork has been greeted with widespread shock within political circles here. Disbelief was the order of the day in Leinster House when it emerged that, at one time, Marina Smershki worked in the constituency office... Read more »

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PRELIMINARY FINDINGS OF THAT COVID-19 INQUIRY

HARRIS hand wash

Hand hygiene: All fingers should be pointed at Nphet Social distancing: HSE to keep taking one step forward and two steps back Long Covid: Tony Holohan still red-faced over Trinity College fiasco Vaccines: Government tried to ensure they were immune from criticism Respiratory health: Stephen Donnelly still terribly long-winded Masking: Coalition Government parties and Nphet... Read more »

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CARTOONS 4104-01

Wilbur - energy bill

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CARTOONS 4104-02

Dowling - DJ debts

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CARTOONS 4104-03

Ed Naylor - Call centre

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CARTOONS 4104-04

Goddard - Bad actors

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CARTOONS 4104-05

Hickey - Roald Dahl Story

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CARTOONS 4104-06

Keane - love landlord

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CARTOONS 4104-07

Keyes - mick wallace notes

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CARTOONS 4104-08

Keyes - pragmatic racist

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CARTOONS 4104-09

Len-Hawkins - carehome manager

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CARTOONS 4104-10

Lennon - Number one

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CARTOONS 4104-11

McCabe - mick wallace whine

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CARTOONS 4104-12

Percival - artisan

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CARTOONS 4104-13

Phil-Witte - clown fear

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CARTOONS 4104-14

Theo - Chat GPT

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