Category: Craic & Codology

OZONE

Ozone 08-25-23

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CARTOONS 4117-14

Keyes - climate denial farmers

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SIMON HARRIS DOWNPLAYS VARADKAR’S LEADERSHIP AMBITIONS

Simon Harris

Minister for Everything Education Simon Harris has sought to dispel rumours that Taoiseach Leo Varadkar is looking to provide any form of discernible leadership within the party. “These scurrilous accusations that Leo harbours any aims to maintain harmony within the party couldn’t be wider off the mark,” Mr Harris today told a packed crowd at... Read more »

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NEW GARDA TRAINEE CONTROVERSY

garda

Following the controversy over Garda trainee tattoos, the force has been rocked by the news that one cadet actually apprehended some criminals. This deviates seriously from Garda protocol, which says that officers are to prioritise sourcing All-Ireland tickets and dropping into the chipper for a free burger. “The trainee has now been sent home and... Read more »

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THOSE LATE CONTENDERS FOR FARRELL’S WORLD CUP SQUAD

Rugby World Cup 2023

Stephen Nolan Has received some criticism recently for how he handles tackles and there are concerns that his best years are behind him. However, he’s made promises that he’ll train hard to catch any opposition with their pants down. Kevin Bakhurst Unafraid of quick turnovers and dump-tackling opposition, this player wants to show that, unlike... Read more »

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SCIENTISTS WARN OF NEW STRAIN OF SCAREMONGERING ARTICLES

coronavirus

The World Health Organization has said it is monitoring a developing outbreak of feverish articles in the Irish press warning of new Covid variants. Said one scientist: “We recently detected signs that these coughing hacks were spreading stories over the past number of weeks, with headlines like: ‘NEW COVID VARIANT DEADLIEST YET?’, ‘COVID TO MURDER... Read more »

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LEO THANKS COLLEAGUES

Leo Varadkar

Taoiseach Leo Varadkar has expressed his gratitude to party colleagues for “understanding and helping” him and his partner, Matt Barrett, to acquire a more desirable level of privacy, beyond the prying attentions of a pestering public. “My colleagues have been very accommodating of our need for privacy by increasingly distancing the party from the country’s... Read more »

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CALLING ALL TOURISTS!

Temple Bar

Still planning on taking a late summer break this August? Well, look no further than the charming cobblestone streets of Temple Bar’s famous ‘No-Go’ cultural area in the heart of Dublin. The area is well-known worldwide for sightings of fun-loving party animals (stags and hens) mingling freely with feral gangs of paralytic delinquents. Unmissable Highlights... Read more »

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RUSSIANS SUSPECTED OF COMMUNICATIONS CABLE DAMAGE

Putin

Russian spies, operating under the cover of fishing boats, have allegedly cut communications cables linking Ireland and Britain – and between Ireland and North America. The revelation was made by RTÉ director general Kevin Bakhurst in an appearance before the Public Accounts Committee. “Astounding though it may seem, it is the only plausible explanation as... Read more »

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NO NEW PSNI DEBACLE SHOCK

PSNI

The Police Service of Northern Ireland was forced to apologise last night after no new major security leaks had occurred over the previous 12 hours. “We are still struggling to understand what went right here, particularly as everything was hopelessly mismanaged from start to finish and we followed all our rigorous procedures regarding the routine... Read more »

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WHO’LL REPLACE TUBRIDY AT RTÉ?

Ryan Tubridy

FRANK LAMPARD Track record of being a disaster in big jobs makes him a good fit for Montrose. Experience of overpaid egotists at Chelsea considered another advantage. CONOR McGREGOR As an opinionated loudmouth who frequently seems to not have a clue what he’s talking about, the MMA superstar seems ideal for the RTÉ daytime schedules.... Read more »

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LATEST REACTION TO BANK OF IRELAND GLITCH

bank of ireland logo

Micheál Martin As we prepare to celebrate the 15th anniversary of the bank guarantee, I think it’s important to remember how we in Fianna Fáil were responsible for saving these beloved institutions. Those decisions meant people went cashless long before it was trendy. Stephen Kenny Bank of Ireland is adamant it will recoup its losses... Read more »

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THOSE KEY TRENDS FROM THE LEAVING CERT RESULTS

Leaving Cert Results

57% surge in panicked articles about women in STEM 1 in 3 students to be asked to appear in photo op with Simon Harris 9% rise in third-level applications 100% increase in profiteering landlords rubbing their hands together over this Less than half of students remember sitting the exams 20% failed to identify Norma Foley

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REACTION TO THAT LIVING-AT-HOME REPORT

Minister for Housing

Ivana Bacik These abysmal figures illustrate how young Irish people are failing to launch their adult lives. And believe me, in my twin roles as Labour leader and spokesperson for housing, failure to launch things is something I totally understand. Holly Cairns Everyone calls young adults self-pitying. It’s so unfair. After all, finding one’s own... Read more »

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CARTOONS 4116-01

Theo - WFH Crisis

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CARTOONS 4116-02

Alan Rozanski - someday

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CARTOONS 4116-03

Bernie - library

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CARTOONS 4116-04

Bill Borders - Teenager

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CARTOONS 4116-05

Hickey - Dublin Airport Night

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CARTOONS 4116-06

Keane - just stop leo

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CARTOONS 4116-07

Keyes - Just out

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CARTOONS 4116-08

Mark Wood - Twitter X

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CARTOONS 4116-09

McCabe - book burning aisle

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CARTOONS 4116-10

Micko - Festival Ready Fashion 2023

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CARTOONS 4116-11

Paul Wood - recycle

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CARTOONS 4116-12

Phil Witte - undelete

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OZONE

Ozone 08-11-23

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CARTOONS 4116-13

Scott - Prayer

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CARTOONS 4116-14

Dowling - 4 Seasons out there

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TDS RAIL AGAINST ‘BACK TO DÁIL’ COSTS

TAOISEACH MIN DONOHOE LAUNCH STAY AND SPEND

Despite still being several weeks away, TDs and their families are already complaining about the exorbitant costs they’re facing as they approach the new Dáil term. With everything from the cost of restaurant lunches to high-end suits rising in recent weeks, politicians are fretting about what it will mean for their finances. Said one concerned... Read more »

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NIGER PRESIDENT DENOUNCES ‘ATTEMPTED COUP’

Mohamed Bazoum

The imprisoned president of Niger, Mohamed Bazoum, has pledged his support to embattled Garda Commissioner Drew Harris as he faces a no-confidence vote from the Garda Representative Association. “This challenge to the powers that be came as a tremendous shock to myself and the international community,” said Mr Bazoum. “I have the utmost sympathy for... Read more »

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AIRPORT LOCALS DEMAND ACTION ON NOISE POLLUTION

Bray Air Show

Residents living near Dublin Airport have called for urgent action to curb the near ceaseless droning they’re forced to listen to from Ryanair’s Michael O’Leary. Said one frustrated resident: “There’s barely a moment that goes past where the airwaves aren’t filled with his whining about how his profits are being impacted by every DAA decision.... Read more »

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THOSE IRISH BOOKER LONG-LISTERS

Booker Prizes logo

Pauwned Off, by Katie McCabe A thrilling tale of two powerful women fighting for control. Each has been hailed as a hero but, when they turn on each other, can either escape with their reputation intact? Featuring a foreword by Roy Keane and Mick McCarthy. The Midas Touch, by Justin Barrett This tragicomedy follows one... Read more »

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GENERIC CELEB TRIBUTE TO THE LATE SINÉAD O’CONNOR

Sinead O'Connor

I remember well the first time Sinéad met me. I had just come off stage/air/touring/my bar stool during what was a deeply difficult time in my life. Sinéad must have got wind of my trauma because despite not knowing/recognising/liking me, she was suddenly, in typical fashion, at my side, offering to help me through my... Read more »

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