Category: Craic & Codology

IRELAND LOOKING TO HOST MORE TOURNAMENTS

UEFA 2028

With Ireland set to co-host Euro 2028, FAI chief Jonathan Hill is keen for the country to secure more major tournaments as it’s the only way the team are likely to qualify ever again. With Stephen Kenny overseeing yet another flop qualification campaign, hosting tournaments could be become a major part of the FAI’s strategy.... Read more »

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TOP-SELLING HALLOWEEN MASKS

Kielty mask

Patrick Kielty Late Late Woe viewers are sure to break out in a cold sweat as you promise another country music special. They’ll also be fleeing in horror when you reveal this week’s special guests are the Fair City cast. Stephen Kenny Terrify Irish supporters with the prospect that you may land yet another qualification... Read more »

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YET MORE PRAISE FOR TERRY PRONE’S MEMOIR!

Terry Prone book

“Eat your heart out Shakespeare, the greatest writer in the English language has struck again. Surely no amount of column inches dedicated to this supreme wordsmith and communicator can adequately do her justice. Her latest work, perhaps her magnum opus, is… [That’s enough Anton Savage for now – Ed]

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‘GIVEAWAY BUDGET’ TO STIMULATE GROWTH

Budget

Senior politicians are thrilled with the general public’s response to Budget 2024, Government sources have reported. Some Cabinet insiders are even suggesting that it could stimulate a rise in the coalition parties’ dreadful poll numbers in recent times. “The fawning coverage in the Southside Times was everything we could’ve hoped for and more,” said one... Read more »

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PLAYERS ‘WIN BIG’ ON RTÉ’S QUIZ SHOW

Money List

RTÉ’s latest gameshow, The Money Mist, has become the surprise sensation of the autumn schedule. In keeping with the national broadcaster’s previous formats, teams of complete chancers are challenged to fill in missing answers on a lengthy Public Accounts Committee list of queries. The more questions they dodge, the more money they win. Says presenter... Read more »

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EXCLUSIVE EXTRACT FROM ALAN SHATTER’S LATEST BONKBUSTER

Alan Shatter

She was completely captivated by him the moment he entered the room. Her heart beat faster than someone who was approaching a Garda checkpoint. He was effortlessly arrogant but she knew she desired him and his mere presence stirred feelings in her that she had never felt before. She wanted him to ravage her the... Read more »

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CARTOONS 4120-14

Keyes - u2 dome vegas

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CARTOONS 4120-01

Tim Bales - volcano don't disturb

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CARTOONS 4120-02

Jonny Hawkins - lot of problems

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CARTOONS 4120-03

Jonny Hawkins - rearranging furniture

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CARTOONS 4120-04

Keane - dail sitting

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CARTOONS 4120-05

Keane - late late show

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CARTOONS 4120-06

Keyes - influencer degree

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CARTOONS 4120-07

Lennon - u2 las vegas

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CARTOONS 4120-08

Mark Wood - have to downsize

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CARTOONS 4120-09

McCabe - catch of the day

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CARTOONS 4120-10

Schwadron - evolution

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CARTOONS 4120-11

Schwadron - mystery

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CARTOONS 4120-12

Scott Masear - midlife crisis

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CARTOONS 4120-13

Theo - rugby blighted

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OZONE

Ozone 2_10

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POLL LATEST: GOVERNMENT NOT UNIVERSALLY HATED (YET)

Ruadhan Mac Cormaic

By Pat Squeaky There was good news for the Government parties in the latest Southside Times/Dispo poll, with 1% of voters saying they have not yet reached the point where they hate the Government. This is sure to give a major boost to the coalition and give those overhyped bastard Shinners pause for thought. Further... Read more »

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THOSE KEY BUDGET DETAILS REVEALED

Budget

Agriculture: Increased supports for farmers who have beef with Charlie McConalogue Policing: Funding to provide for additional new recruits, who will then immediately go on strike Health: €1bn to HSE to help keep Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael on life support RTÉ: €56m bailout to shore up finances and fund development of Toy Show The... Read more »

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FURY AS RUGBY DISRUPTS ‘ZOMBIE’ DEBATE

rugby Fans

There was continuing outrage within Irish rugby circles yesterday over the controversial singing of ‘Zombie’ after it became Irish fans’ unofficial anthem at this year’s Rugby World Cup. However, the ongoing row – which has sparked a social media frenzy – is now threatening to be disrupted by the upcoming clash against Scotland at the... Read more »

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WIDESPREAD DISGUST AS ‘LATE LATE’ CELEBRITY BOOKER ACCIDENTALLY BOOKS CELEBRITY

Kielty

There was widespread shock throughout RTÉ yesterday when the much-criticised, newly appointed celebrity booker for the Late Late Show accidentally secured an interview with a well-known public figure. Issuing a grovelling apology, they said: “Despite the new host and logo, the general public expect the same tired old roster of faces from the RTÉ canteen.... Read more »

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GOT A PROBLEM? LET IRISH EXHAUSTER’S NEW AGONY UNCLE, DÁITHÍ Ó SÉ, HELP

Daithi O'Shea

Dear Dáithí, I’m a highly successful public figure and very important person. I’m also a pretty cool guy who really hates the Shinners. Of course, I’m the complete opposite of whatever Mary Lou says – unless, of course, the voters like something she says, in which case I’m that as well. So why do I... Read more »

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MOB CONTINUES TO THREATEN DEMOCRACY

Protesters detained

As the public’s demand for recrimination grows, following large mobs gathering at Leinster House, commentators say any decision to have gardaí arrest those guilty of loutish behaviour would impinge on the country’s democratic process. “Nothing would please the public or give us more pleasure than throwing ill-mannered louts and deluded miscreants into the back of... Read more »

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TRIBUTES POUR IN FOR RETIRING RUPERT MURDOCH

Patrick Kielty

Patrick Kielty He may have destroyed American democracy and mainstreamed conspiracy theories through Fox News but at least they always have great guests. I’m absolutely dreading to see who the Late Late Show crowd has booked this week. Mickey Harte His stern conservatism didn’t sit well with everyone and he has been heavily criticised over... Read more »

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MICHEÁL MARTIN’S FAVOURITE SOUNDS

Micheal Martin

Following his strong public advocation of The Cranberries song ‘Zombie’, rocking Tánaiste Micheál Martin reveals more of his fav tunes. Have a Nice Day, Stereophonics One can really get down and groove to this number and it perfectly illustrates the soaring heights that can be achieved by a three-dude coalition. Born to Run, Bruce Springsteen:... Read more »

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U2 BEGIN LATEST LUCRATIVE RESIDENCY

Dome Las Vegas

As U2 begin their run of gigs in the newly constructed Sphere in Las Vegas, members of the band spoke of their excitement. “This is shaping up to be our most lucrative residency since we moved our tax dealings to the Netherlands,” said an enthused Bono. “It’s an honour to perform at such an illustrious... Read more »

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BIDEN APOLOGISES AFTER DOG DOESN’T BITE ANYONE

Biden dog

A sheepish US president has apologised after his German shepherd, Commander, failed to bite anyone yesterday. The non-incident has made international headlines, with Commander having bitten 20 secret service agents in the previous two days alone. Canine experts have speculated whether the dog’s behaviour has been influenced by the president’s trip to Ireland earlier this... Read more »

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LEAVING CERT REFORMS SHELVED OVER AI CONCERNS

AI avatar

Education minister Norma Foley has defended her decision to scrap plans for a radical overhaul of the Leaving Cert over concerns about the potential impact of artificial intelligence (AI) on teacher-based assessments. “This latest reversal of policy is certainly not a shameless U-turn and an obvious excuse for not taking on the teacher unions –... Read more »

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CARTOONS 4119-01

Thomas Wykes - Training for

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CARTOONS 4119-02

Keane - rte dodgy box

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CARTOONS 4119-03

Keyes - BP gusher

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