April 18, 2024 Craic & Codology

Socially media personality and part-time Taoiseach Simon Harris has announced his commitment to deliver “like, loads of houses, yeah?” to the people of Ireland by 2030. Speaking in a TikTok video, he said: “If all of our followers give us a like and subscribe at the next election it would mean the world to us…. Read more »

April 18, 2024 Craic & Codology

Hardline loyalists have reacted angrily to a new report estimating that Irish reunification would cost around €20bn a year for two decades. Interviewed on RTÉ’s Mourning Ireland, TUV leader Jim Allister said: “This nightmare vision would mean exorbitant taxation and widespread impoverishment for nationalists while forcing millions of God-fearing British citizens to live under an… Read more »

April 18, 2024 Craic & Codology

Having returned as CEO of the Web Summit after a six-month absence, Paddy Cosgrave has revealed ambitious new plans to limit his controversies to five or six per day. While the announcement has been met with some scepticism amongst the tech community, the combative entrepreneur insists the target can be met. “Clueless tech reporters doubting… Read more »

April 18, 2024 Craic & Codology

Tánaiste Micheál Martin has pledged that he will bring forward proposals for Ireland to recognise the state of Palestine, but not while Government TDs are risking their political lives on a daily basis. Speaking in the Dáil and looking even more mournful than usual, Mr Martin said: “While the tragic conflict in Gaza is terribly… Read more »

April 18, 2024 Craic & Codology

How To Disappear by Dee Forbes Fascinating insight into RTÉ payment saga, which I had some experience of. Shame about last chapter being blank due to Dee’s failure to appear before PAC. RTÉ Pay Saga by Public Accounts Committee Definitely a rough read and not one for the faint of heart, especially for those of… Read more »

April 18, 2024 Craic & Codology

Climate change: Make a few digs about low-energy Leo Finance: Don’t bet on any progress on health or housing Justice: Blueshirts hoping Harris can bail them out Agriculture: Fine Gael keen to avoid reaping what it sows Education: Writing on the wall for the Government Social Protection: Only a few ministries to dole out Defence:… Read more »

April 18, 2024 Craic & Codology

❍ Leinster counties to be given 15-point head start on Dublin ❍ Players to be given additional training in hand-to-hand combat ❍ Club championship games to go on double bill with UFC/WWE bouts ❍ Additional bars to be opened in grounds for bouts of lateral passing ❍ Tackle crisis of mass brawls (ie there aren’t… Read more »

April 18, 2024 Craic & Codology

Taoiseach Simon met a pieman, Going to the Dáil Smirked Taoiseach Simon to the pieman, I’m the leader of you all! Said the pieman unto Simon, Check the polls when you’ve a minute You’ll see why Leo called time on The job – to drop you in it! ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦… Read more »

April 18, 2024 Craic & Codology

by Des Perate Pope Francis has introduced the most radical revamp of Irish Catholic Church structures in more than 900 years. As a result, two west of Ireland dioceses are to lose their bishops. The announcement was made last night by the Papal Nuncio to Ireland, Archbishop Bunga Bacardi. Speaking outside a deserted cathedral in… Read more »

April 18, 2024 Craic & Codology

Football fans across the island were cock-a-hoop at Ireland player Megan Campbell’s extraordinary throw-ins against England. As one fan, Jenny Blinkers, put it: “The Sassenachs had no idea what hit them. She was throwing the ball 38 metres, every throw-in was like a corner. She’s deadly!” Writing in the Irish Times, Fintan O’Toole eulogised the… Read more »

April 18, 2024 Craic & Codology

Benjamin Netanyahu His ludicrous attempts to try and deny appalling acts of murder meant he would have made an excellent spokesperson for my government. He became synonymous with a pair of gloves but my hands are too bloody to wear those things. Donald Trump OJ started out as an American icon but ultimately became a… Read more »

April 4, 2024 Craic & Codology

THANK YOU all for choosing me as your new party leader. As you know, I’ve been even busier than usual recently, rushing around sorting out problems that have been left on my plate – thanks a bundle, Leo. We face growing challenges, in housing, Sinn Féin, immigration and Sinn Féin. And some people out there… Read more »

April 4, 2024 Craic & Codology

The White House has, in recent days, indicated a hardening of its stance against Israel’s alleged genocide in Gaza. “It’s a very serious cause for concern and is keeping us all up at night,” confirmed a spokesman for the administration. “Indeed, the President took half an hour to get to sleep last night and was… Read more »

April 4, 2024 Craic & Codology

THE FAI’s search for a new Republic of Ireland manager has dragged on too long so, over recent weeks, our ace sports journalists have indulged in an orgy of idle speculation about the identity of Stephen Kenny’s permanent successor and the timing of his appointment. This hastily filled vacuum reflects very poorly on the FAI… Read more »

April 4, 2024 Craic & Codology

After a lifetime of public service since I was elected in 2020, the time has now come for me to seek a cushy job in either Brussels or the private sector. Unfortunately, throughout my time in the Dáil, there has been a coarsening of debate, with sickening abuse on social media – much of it… Read more »

April 4, 2024 Craic & Codology

The arm waving. Talking about the flag. References to blood and a great country. His speech to Fine Gael was straight out of my playbook. I predict great things for this man. – Vladimir Putin What? Leo’s gone? Fiddlesticks. What size socks does the new guy wear? – Justin Trudeau I would like to extend… Read more »

April 4, 2024 Craic & Codology

Media How many times has the college been in the news in past fortnight? Advanced mathematics Just how do you overpay for a housing scheme by €5 million? Geography Can anyone find all these people declining to appear before public accounts committee? Video game design In-depth study of the ground-breaking PAC MAN.

April 4, 2024 Craic & Codology

THE MINISTER for Justice has resisted calls to ditch the upcoming hate speech legislation, saying people do not feel safe in the country at present. Ms McEntee told reporters: “I myself thought it was perfectly safe to bring in another vote-winning populist law – but following the recent referenda debacle, the Shinners and other enemies… Read more »

April 4, 2024 Craic & Codology

Senior figures within Fine Gael have thanked the DUP for taking attention away from Leo Varadkar’s surprising decision to step down due to the shocking manner of Jeffrey Donaldson’s resignation. Said one FG source: “We were all left reeling by Leo’s decision, with many questioning the stability of the coalition. However, we were relieved to… Read more »

April 4, 2024 Craic & Codology

Departing Taoiseach Leo Varadkar has ruled himself out of the running for the job of Irish soccer boss. One of the few public figures not to have been linked with the role, Varadkar said fans shouldn’t expect him to be taking the position any time soon. “I’ve already helmed one bunch of journeymen on the… Read more »

April 4, 2024 Craic & Codology

Guinness consumers have taken to placing down-payments on future drinks to avoid the risk of being hit with fresh and unexpected price hikes by the time they are poured, according to a new survey. The drastic development comes after mega-rich distributors Diageo announced an unexpected and unpalatable increase in its range across Ireland’s boozers for… Read more »