April 4, 2024 Craic & Codology

THANK YOU all for choosing me as your new party leader. As you know, I’ve been even busier than usual recently, rushing around sorting out problems that have been left on my plate – thanks a bundle, Leo. We face growing challenges, in housing, Sinn Féin, immigration and Sinn Féin. And some people out there… Read more »

April 4, 2024 Craic & Codology

The White House has, in recent days, indicated a hardening of its stance against Israel’s alleged genocide in Gaza. “It’s a very serious cause for concern and is keeping us all up at night,” confirmed a spokesman for the administration. “Indeed, the President took half an hour to get to sleep last night and was… Read more »

April 4, 2024 Craic & Codology

THE FAI’s search for a new Republic of Ireland manager has dragged on too long so, over recent weeks, our ace sports journalists have indulged in an orgy of idle speculation about the identity of Stephen Kenny’s permanent successor and the timing of his appointment. This hastily filled vacuum reflects very poorly on the FAI… Read more »

April 4, 2024 Craic & Codology

After a lifetime of public service since I was elected in 2020, the time has now come for me to seek a cushy job in either Brussels or the private sector. Unfortunately, throughout my time in the Dáil, there has been a coarsening of debate, with sickening abuse on social media – much of it… Read more »

April 4, 2024 Craic & Codology

The arm waving. Talking about the flag. References to blood and a great country. His speech to Fine Gael was straight out of my playbook. I predict great things for this man. – Vladimir Putin What? Leo’s gone? Fiddlesticks. What size socks does the new guy wear? – Justin Trudeau I would like to extend… Read more »

April 4, 2024 Craic & Codology

Media How many times has the college been in the news in past fortnight? Advanced mathematics Just how do you overpay for a housing scheme by €5 million? Geography Can anyone find all these people declining to appear before public accounts committee? Video game design In-depth study of the ground-breaking PAC MAN.

April 4, 2024 Craic & Codology

THE MINISTER for Justice has resisted calls to ditch the upcoming hate speech legislation, saying people do not feel safe in the country at present. Ms McEntee told reporters: “I myself thought it was perfectly safe to bring in another vote-winning populist law – but following the recent referenda debacle, the Shinners and other enemies… Read more »

April 4, 2024 Craic & Codology

Senior figures within Fine Gael have thanked the DUP for taking attention away from Leo Varadkar’s surprising decision to step down due to the shocking manner of Jeffrey Donaldson’s resignation. Said one FG source: “We were all left reeling by Leo’s decision, with many questioning the stability of the coalition. However, we were relieved to… Read more »

April 4, 2024 Craic & Codology

Departing Taoiseach Leo Varadkar has ruled himself out of the running for the job of Irish soccer boss. One of the few public figures not to have been linked with the role, Varadkar said fans shouldn’t expect him to be taking the position any time soon. “I’ve already helmed one bunch of journeymen on the… Read more »

April 4, 2024 Craic & Codology

Guinness consumers have taken to placing down-payments on future drinks to avoid the risk of being hit with fresh and unexpected price hikes by the time they are poured, according to a new survey. The drastic development comes after mega-rich distributors Diageo announced an unexpected and unpalatable increase in its range across Ireland’s boozers for… Read more »

April 4, 2024 Craic & Codology

The GAA would like to apologise for the distressing scenes that occurred between Dublin and Derry. It has been brought to our attention that viewers were forced to sit through some 90 minutes of football before an almighty brawl broke out. This is unacceptable and we unreservedly apologise to all fans of mass violence who… Read more »

March 21, 2024 Craic & Codology

Amid the political fall-out surrounding the recent referenda, the taoiseach has repeated his view that he does not expect coalition members revealing they voted against the amendments to adversely affect relations between the partners. “The fiasco was a complete success in that it reflected people power at its best,” said Mr Varadkar. “The results show… Read more »

March 21, 2024 Craic & Codology

There was disappointment throughout Europe last night at the news that Paschal Donohoe had appeared to rule himself out of the running for the top IMF job, just because he had been ruled out by the IMF. Said one shocked journalist: “A reliable source near the top of Fine Gael told me ‘Mr Donohoe has… Read more »

March 21, 2024 Craic & Codology

Russian President Vladimir Putin has said he drew inspiration from the Irish government’s record defeat in recent referenda to help secure his landslide election victory. Putin announced: “None of this would have been possible without the hilarious example set by the Irish government. They helped remind me of just how thoroughly you can be humiliated… Read more »

March 21, 2024 Craic & Codology

By All Hacks Not since Cú Chulainn single-handedly routed all comers in the 41AD Champions League Handball Olympics or since Bono brought peace to Northern Ireland has an Irishman reached the Herculean heights now attained by our very own Cillian Murphy. (Excellent start – Ed.) Admirable as America’s glory was when it put a man… Read more »

March 21, 2024 Craic & Codology

As one of the longest serving moustac – er, members of Dáil Éireann, it saddens me to see my mighty Fianna Fáil bow to the woeful woke agenda with a multifarious mix of hate bills, greenways and homespun referendums! What is happening is nothing short of neglect turning to tragedy! Where is our party’s tradition… Read more »

March 21, 2024 Craic & Codology

In the rush to understand the overwhelming No vote in the recent referendums, there has been a glaring oversight of key factors, most notably the inherent Catholic conservatism of the current liberal epoch. In his influential post-modernist text, Hopelessly Pretentious, US academic Trevor Trendy contends that modern progressive politics is mired in psychosomatic didacticism. Certainly,… Read more »