July 11, 2024 Craic & Codology

by Owen Goal Several teams across Europe suffered bruising defeats in what proved to be a dramatic week of fixtures. “In the end, we just couldn’t get across the line,” said intrepid right-winger Marine Le Pen of her shock underperformance. “We came up against a much stronger defence on the left than we expected and… Read more »

July 11, 2024 Craic & Codology

Who is he, the 33-year-old greenhorn taking over Ireland’s financial hot seat? Earlier this year, Jack Chambers rocked the political world by coming out as a practising member of Fianna Fáil, courageously admitting: “It was my guilty secret for years.” With his youthful looks, strategic Dublin background and love of photo opportunities, it wasn’t surprising… Read more »

July 11, 2024 Craic & Codology

Enoch Burke This rookie has spent more time at court than many seasoned pros this year. He’s now eager to show the public that he can serve a ball as well as he can a sentence. Donald Trump Rallies are second nature for this fiery Yank – although he’s found himself in trouble recently for… Read more »

July 11, 2024 Craic & Codology

Reports that cocaine use is rife in Leinster House have been dismissed by a number of politicians and security staff. Said one member of staff at Leinster House: “Cocaine acts as a stimulant, allowing users to become hyper-focused, energetic and vigilant. Clearly, there’s not a single TD to be found exhibiting any of those traits.”… Read more »

July 11, 2024 Craic & Codology

By Hugh Midity Ireland is bracing itself for “extremely uncomfortable conditions” in the coming weeks and months as severe atmospheric changes are predicted to sweep across the country with increasing intensity. “There is a very worrying pattern developing around Dublin’s Leinster House and we expect it to affect all areas before Christmas,” said a worried… Read more »

July 11, 2024 Craic & Codology

by Polly Filler FOLLOWING THE departure of Taylor Swift news articles to Amsterdam recently, journalists throughout Ireland have begun to experience severe withdrawal symptoms. “Before they suddenly left the scene with the rest of her Money Era world tour, Taylor fillers were the best thing ever,” gushed one devastated hack. “All we had to do… Read more »

July 11, 2024 Craic & Codology

Commerce: Eamon Ryan and Emer Higgins will continue to trade insults Pedestrianisation: Fine Gael and Fianna Fáil to maintain policy of walking all over the Greens Active travel: Tolls and parking charges to continue travelling upwards Roads management: Roderic O’Gorman desperate to get out of his ministerial cul-de-sac Taxi services: Labour and Soc Dems anxious… Read more »

July 11, 2024 Craic & Codology

The Irish public was on tenterhooks last night after NO updates appeared on any news outlet regarding ex-finance minister Michael McGrath’s selection and suitability as Ireland’s nomination for its next European commissioner. “It’s been nearly an hour and his name hasn’t been mentioned at all,” said a Kilkenny butcher, the blood draining from his features…. Read more »

July 11, 2024 Craic & Codology

Donnybrook’s next Top Funding Model Cutting-edge format where Montrose execs predict the end of the world if the Government doesn’t deliver a king’s ransom to keep the show on the road. Expect plenty of strutting, superficial divas and good old-fashioned self-entitlement to be on display. Living on Another Planet Nature documentary exploring how the RTÉ… Read more »

July 11, 2024 Craic & Codology

THE GOVERNMENT has announced that several new countries have been added to the safe list for asylum applications. Human rights groups were quick to criticise the decision as “extremely reckless”. Yesterday, however, justice minister Helen McEntee refuted accusations of oppression and abuse in Malawi and Egypt. “We are confident that both of these countries are… Read more »

June 27, 2024 Craic & Codology

Ireland’s Green Party was thrown a lifeline recently as the European Parliament passed the Nature Restoration Law, aimed at restoring lost ground. The move comes as rapid changes to the political climate have seen the party being flooded by deluges of complaints from rural road users. Said one party insider: “Furthermore, current farming practices –… Read more »

June 27, 2024 Craic & Codology

Foreign affairs: Trump denies he’s had any Defence: Biden still tanking in the polls Economy: Most Americans wish both men would retire Capital gains: What those January 6 rioters tried to do Energy: Trump relying on white power vote Immigration: Biden’s re-election chances going south Guns: Trump loss could trigger more violence

June 27, 2024 Craic & Codology

IT’S THE latest romp-filled costume drama that’s gripping the entire country. No wonder fans and media alike are hot under the collar as Nicola Coughlan portrays Penelope Featherlite in this masterpiece of love and loss (of trousers and dignity). Said one desperate newspaper editor: “At this time of year, there’s nothing happening – apart from… Read more »

June 27, 2024 Craic & Codology

Michael McGrath You can’t help but admire this shameless diva who’s hoping to make a fortune in Europe before the public mood sours on them. But that’s enough about yours truly. While I’m not as musically gifted as Miss Swift, I do have an incredible talent for blowing my own trumpet. Simon Harris Taylor Swift… Read more »

June 27, 2024 Craic & Codology

Exclusive extracts from egomaniac PEOPLE DON’T understand the sheer weight of artistic trauma I experience – which means I’m forced to constantly empathise with myself. I remember Spielberg begging me for advice with Jaws. “I desperately need help, Neil,” he pleaded. “You’re the greatest director of all time – a Bergman of the human psyche.”… Read more »

June 27, 2024 Craic & Codology

“The media need to give him a break. Anyone can fall at the final hurdle!” Mary Lou McDonald “When people write you off, it makes the comeback all the sweeter. Cheers, Big Ears!” Nigel Farage “He is just following a trend of epic losing that Mayo GAA first made sexy. A choker and a copycat!”… Read more »

June 27, 2024 Craic & Codology

In his latest headline-grabbing broadside, Ryanair chief Michael O’Leary has called for mouthy business CEOs to put a sock in it. In his 25th consecutive interview yesterday, O’Leary suggested that certain business figures were too in love with the sound of their own voices. “I myself am quite reclusive,” said O’Leary. “It’s appalling the way… Read more »

June 27, 2024 Craic & Codology

ACTOR AND icon Paul Mescal turned stomachs (‘Heads’, surely – Ed) at Milan Fashion Week yesterday wearing skimpy boxers and Gucci loafers, in that order. The Normal People star told reporters: “This is not a publicity stunt. I just want my picture in the papers.” Mescal has frequently set pulses racing when seen out and… Read more »