October 31, 2024 Craic & Codology

After a great deal of careful consideration/seeing which way the wind was blowing, I wish to apologise unreservedly for our complete/incomplete overhaul of Sinn Féin party governance, inappropriate emails and absolutely everything else, including all past/future scandals. By suggesting that such a thoughtful/panic-stricken apology as this would minimise any further discussion around recent damaging issues,… Read more »

October 31, 2024 Craic & Codology

RTÉ has defended Late Late Show host Patrick Kielty following controversial remarks he recently made about Sinn Féin. The scandal-plagued organisation, which has been haemorrhaging support in recent times, has also accused Sinn Féin of not understanding satire. “We here in Montrose have no problem with the public laughing at us and not with us…. Read more »

October 31, 2024 Craic & Codology

FORMER JUSTICE minister Alan Shatter has confirmed that he will contest the upcoming general election as an Independent candidate. He told reporters: “Simon Harris relies entirely on TikTok soundbites and has abandoned mainstream Fine Gael traditions, such as ensuring the next generation of Blueshirts inherit their legacies without too much intervention by the Revenue Commissioners.”… Read more »

October 31, 2024 Craic & Codology

THE RECENT findings of the GAA’s Football Review Committee should be implemented as soon as possible. That’s the controversial view of legendary Dublin manager Jim Gavin. He told reporters: “Supporters are sick of boring, in-depth analysis of proposals. They expect entertainment – not time-wasting tactics. Recommendations should be speeded up in future. “We need to… Read more »

October 31, 2024 Craic & Codology

As the Irish and American elections near, Donald Trump has expressed concerns for Irish democracy, saying the cult of personality that surrounds Micheál Martin and Simon Harris has reached alarming levels. “The sycophants that surround them in Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael have a lot to answer for,” Trump told Stateside reporters. “The primary concern… Read more »

October 31, 2024 Craic & Codology

Dublin footballers to be given 15-point handicap for Leinster championship games Aim to have at least one free seat on Luas at rush hour by 2025 Tackle anti-social behaviour (TDs canvassing for general election) Regenerate no-go areas overrun by gurriers (Kildare Street) Address rampant noise pollution (Una Mullally’s Irish Times columns)

October 31, 2024 Craic & Codology

Government TDs are alarmed by the prospect of increased jobseeker fines, with many deputies not having done a tap of work since being elected almost five years ago. The measures are intended to tackle a perceived “layabout” culture, meaning the coalition is directly in the firing line. “Too many deputies are claiming money for doing… Read more »

October 31, 2024 Craic & Codology

Make Ireland Green Again (MIGA) Climate change radicals whose policies include shooting motorists on sight and the removal of one lung per person to reduce CO2 emissions by 59%. Bring Back Tubs (BBT) Party Dangerous, book-reading, middle-aged fanatics who want to turn the clock back to the dark days of 2022, with Noel Kelly installed… Read more »

October 31, 2024 Craic & Codology

Dear citizens of the Rathdown constituency, I have decided to come out of retirement as an erotic fiction writer to stand for election. Why? Because I have my finger on the throbbing pulse of Ireland and I can feel the desire for me to return to the body politic. I will insert myself into the… Read more »

October 31, 2024 Craic & Codology

Disbelief and horror spread across Ireland yesterday as news emerged that gangland figure and convicted criminal Gerard ‘the Monk’ Hutch may run for the Dáil in the upcoming general election. “Gerry would do well to remember the old adage that a man can be judged by the company he keeps! I’m appalled,” said one shocked… Read more »

October 17, 2024 Craic & Codology

Following a sudden and sadly expected escalation in the long-simmering conflict, Amnesty International has once more called for a humanitarian ceasefire. “There is absolute anarchy going on within Fine Gael in Dublin Bay South at the moment,” lamented a spokesperson for the organisation. “They’ve been left reeling by the media blitz launched against them by… Read more »

October 17, 2024 Craic & Codology

Voiceover: Billionaire Michael Smurfit towers over the world stage like a colossus. His dazzling business triumphs have made him the greatest ever tycoon. Sir Mick: I’ve always been a creative genius with money, but now I prefer being all at sea – like the workers I let go in the old days of complex deals,… Read more »

October 17, 2024 Craic & Codology

There is growing concern in Irish political circles that a TD may not be a Russian spy. The news comes as a bombshell development, with widespread recent suggestions that virtually every deputy in the Dáil is sending intelligence to Russia. “We would be deeply uncomfortable if any of our agents were immersed in the murky… Read more »

October 17, 2024 Craic & Codology

Mary Lou McDonald My understanding is that these people spend most of their time playing mind games with one another and have no qualms about airing their grievances for all the world to see. Who would ever do such a thing… Kate O’Connell In order to make progress within the show, participants are encouraged to… Read more »

October 17, 2024 Craic & Codology

Lazies and gentiles, it gives me the greatest pleasure tonight to introduce to you my great friend and Vice President of the Emerald Isle, Simon Kamala. Mr Kamala hails from the tiny village of Finegael in County Mayonnaise, from where my own great, great Grandpiano Benjamin set sail for a better life in Netanyahu, Massacrechussets… Read more »

October 17, 2024 Craic & Codology

AN ANGRY Mary Lou McDonald yesterday announced an in-depth inquiry into “Sinn Féin’s governance procedures and everything else you could possibly think of”. The dramatic development follows concerns that were raised recently about the party’s (mis)handling of a child sex crime investigation into a former press officer. The wide-ranging overhaul will be headed by a… Read more »

October 17, 2024 Craic & Codology

IN HIS sternest warning yet, Michael Twee Higgins has accused Israel of making “outrageous” threats against Irish peace-keeping troops in Lebanon. Using suitably undiplomatic language, President Higgins fired off his latest ultimatum, warning that if the Israeli government ignores him there might well be serious consequences. Benjamin Netanyahu was visibly shaken by the ferocious onslaught… Read more »

October 17, 2024 Craic & Codology

Exclusive by all pol corrs The endless speculation about the date of the next election will continue at least until November, it has been revealed. With interest in the possible date at fever pitch around the globe, all Irish newspapers will continue to fill up space with more guesses about when the election will take… Read more »

October 17, 2024 Craic & Codology

Complaints: Public think Darragh O’Brien’s development policies are objectionable Submission: Politicians to keep pandering to nimbys in their constituencies Rights of way: Government always giving everyone the runaround on homeless figures Appeals: Coalition TDs will shortly start begging for votes in a general election Traffic management: Cabinet will park all those social housing targets when… Read more »