Category: Craic & Codology

CARTOONS 3806-01

Wilbur - Eurovision

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CARTOONS 3806-02

Bernie - Happy Birthday

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CARTOONS 3806-03

deAn - stock piling

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CARTOONS 3806-04

Dowling - Working from home

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CARTOONS 3806-05

Harry Burton - Lemmings

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CARTOONS 3806-06

Jonesy - You spoil that dog

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CARTOONS 3806-07

Keyes - Croke park

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CARTOONS 3806-08

Keyes - Tunnel of Isolation

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CARTOONS 3806-09

Lennon - Social distance

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CARTOONS 3806-10

Percival - 70 years

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CARTOONS 3806-11

Royston - Proposal

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CARTOONS 3806-12

Serg - Tone it down

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CARTOONS 3806-13

Theo - Arses and Elbows

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OZONE 3806

Ozone 3806

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CARTOONS 3806-14

Keyes - Olympics

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VARADKAR READDRESSES THE NATION

Shomera

Citizens of Ireland, Greetings again. You might notice the change in background of this broadcast. Well, I’m currently self-isolating in my Shomera. I have recently had it varnished and the fumes are still very, very strong, so I will be brief. Senior doctors advised me... Read more »

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PANDEMIC LEXICON

Virus

Covid-19: New respiratory virus; it is caused by a germ known as coronavirus. Cronyvirus: Sickening political practice where close associates are appointed to positions of authority, despite their obvious lack of qualifications. Self-isolation: State of near total seclusion, often experienced by RTÉ late-afternoon radio presenters. Shelf-isolation:... Read more »

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THE LEO-LECTRIC KETTLE

Leo Kettle

Why wait until it’s all over? Buy the Covid-19 memento that everyone will want NOW and ensure that you, your children and your children’s genetically adjusted test-tube children have the ultimate keepsake for the future when the crisis is fondly recalled! Our ‘Leo-lectric’ kettles do... Read more »

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NEW SANITISER CRISIS

HSE logo

A new crisis has emerged due to the number of sanitised speeches and press releases coming from the government. It is believed that Paschal Donohoe, Regina Doherty and Heather Humphreys are among those infected. “We’re currently advising people to avoid any media appearances made by... Read more »

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HOME ALONE!

Torrance

Agony uncle Jack Torrance’s guide to quarantine with your family Day 1 It’s good to be emotionally prepared for these extended periods in familiar surroundings, but nothing beats spending quality time with loved ones. A rare opportunity to combine working from home, a little gardening... Read more »

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FINE GAEL JIGSAW

Harris Varadkar Jigsaw

Make your time in quarantine a quaran-dream with this licensed Fine Gael jigsaw. Help put these men, usually in pieces themselves, back together. Jigsaws are proven to help alleviate: Anxiety Stress Existential fear of society as we know it disintegrating To be in with a... Read more »

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HARRIS SAVES THE DAY

Harris Wipes

“We must all ask ourselves what we can do to help one another,” said Simon Harris at a press conference called to address the shortages of toilet paper. “After some reflection I realised what I could do, as health minister, to provide the greatest assistance.”... Read more »

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CORONA STYLE CORNER

CORONA STYLE CORNER

18th century fashion to make dramatic return Still wondering how to maintain social distancing now that we are being ruled by King Covid the 19th? Look no further than the Court of Versailles in the mid 18th century, says social media influencer Golly Gosh. “From... Read more »

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FRONT RUNNERS FOR JOE BIDEN RUNNING MATE

Joe Biden

Uncle Joe here (Where have I heard that name before? Ed.) Now that I’ve clawed the Democratic candidacy from the leftist hands of Sanders, I’ll introduce you to the lovely ladies that I’m considering as my running mate. Annie Boddies: The former Ms Texas Barbecutie... Read more »

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WOMAN EXPECTING SECOND BABY

Vogue Williams

Exclusive to all Tabloids In a sensational press release that has sent shock waves throughout Ireland’s celebrity world, a woman who already has one young child revealed that she is pregnant again. On Other Pages: Full colour pics of blonde woman in bikini – p2-7... Read more »

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SPOT THE DIFFERENCE 3806

StD 3806

Joe Biden Donald Trump Man who was vice president Man who has many vices Served with Barack Obama Always barracking about Obama Lives in Delaware Lives in his own reality Presumptive nominee Presumed to have colluded with Russia No spring chicken Only eats fried chicken... Read more »

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4 ESSENTIAL QUESTIONS ANSWERED ABOUT COVID-19

Irish Daily Scare

How worried should I be about the virus? We are still in the early stages of identifying successful treatments for the virus. In the absence of a vaccine, an overabundance of information is the next best thing. You should endeavour to consume as many fear-mongering,... Read more »

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GIANT HAND-GEL DISPENSING FLOAT UNVEILED AHEAD OF PATRICK’S DAY PARADE

Hand Gel Float

The HSE has revealed its proposed float for the Patrick’s Day parade – a vast grain silo, adapted to fit thousands of gallons of hand gel affixed to the back of a former missile-carrier, purchased from an ex-Soviet state. The vehicle was intended to shower... Read more »

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TV PREVIEW: THE GUARDS – INSIDE THE SQUAD

Armed Garda Unit

Episode 2: When the chips are down Fascinating insight into how Ireland’s finest deal with tragedy as a sudden braking manoeuvre causes an entire chicken supper and French fries to scatter on to the floor and between the seats. It’s a race against time before... Read more »

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ARMAGEDDON OUTTAHERE!

Eoghan Harass Talk about crypto-fascist chickens coming home to roost! Everything I predicted about the Satanic Shinners is coming to pass. The warning signs were there in the run-up to the recent election. Massive murals of Mary Lou McDonald and her conniving associates suddenly appeared... Read more »

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HSE EXPECTS SURGE IN CASES

Exponential Feature

“The number of people infected with the virus has been roughly doubling week by week in most affected countries,” said health minister Simon Harris. “Now, I’ll be the first to admit that maths isn’t my forte,” he continued, unveiling a hastily constructed graph, “But if... Read more »

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NEW EURO PLAYOFF SHOCK

Mick McCarthy

By Emmet Baloney Amid speculation that Ireland’s crunch Euro playoff against Slovakia may have to be played behind closed doors due to coronavirus fears, there is now additional concern that Ireland may not turn up for the fixture. However, team boss Mick ‘Big Mick’ McCarthy... Read more »

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GOLD CUP CHELTENHAM FRONTRUNNERS

Horse racing

Goldhawk examines some of the favourites for this year’s Cheltenham festival: The Pianist Owned by Ireland’s most high-profile powerless couple, Frank McNamara and Theresa Lowe. The Pianist has been having a complete ‘mare over recent years and still has many hurdles to face.Verdict: Don’t bet... Read more »

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SIR BOB’S…YAWN…UPCOMING MEMOIRS

Geldof Book

May 1952 Speaking as an angry baby, I am utterly disgusted by the total power imbalance apropos all these corrupt parental establishment fookers. I may know little about the world per se, but I know what it’s like to be bald and helpless, so I... Read more »

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PAPAL BULL(ETIN)

Pope

Greetings from your ultra-liberal Pontiff. What freak weather events for the flock in Ireland. Yes, it is rare for God to comment on political matters, but I can tell you that he has verily expressed his views at the awful post-election tedium. But why have... Read more »

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