Category: Spot the Difference

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

SIMON COVENEY LEO VARADKAR
Highly ambitious grey man in suit Highly ambitious gay man in suit
Tediously smug and smarmy Tediously smug and flashy
Keen on shameless self-promotion Keen on shameless self-promotion
Never shoots from the hip Always shoots from the lip
Resents anyone invading his privacy Resents anyone invading his publicity
On course for mission impossible On course for mission implausible

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

KIM JONG-NAM ENDA KENNY
Furtive high-flying lifestyle Furtive high-flying lifestyle
Completely mad Completely power mad
Used to poisonous atmosphere around him Used to poisonous atmosphere around him
Despised by most of his own family Despised by all in the Fine Gael family
Victim of vicious assassination Victim of political assassination
Leaving Kimmy a dead man Leaving Kenny a dead man walking

Spot The Difference

DERMOT DESMOND SEAN DUNNE
Enormously rich tycoon Bankrupt enormously rich tycoon
Made an absolute fortune Owes an absolute fortune
Friends in high places Friends in low places
Silly “Kaiser” nickname Silly “Ballsbridge Baron” nickname
Stylish silver-grey moustache Stylish blonde wife
Swanky Shrewsbury Road house purchase Murky Shrewsbury Road house sale
Lots of smokey cigars Lots of mirrors and smoke

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

HILLARY CLINTON ARLENE FOSTER
Can’t stand the heat in the kitchen Can’t stand the heat in the kitchen
Has recurring problems with troublesome emails Has recurring problems with troublesome males
Always keen on running for high office Always keen on running for cover
I’ve put up with enduring systematic abuse for years Yes, my party colleagues hate me as well
Working alongside bullies like Anthony Weiner is impossible Have you met Nigel Dodds?
Oohhh! Aren’t men awful! Oohhh! Aren’t Sinn Féin awful!

ARLENE FOSTER PLAYLIST

Spot The Difference

FIDEL CASTRO MICHAEL D HIGGINS
Gave lengthy speeches that bored everyone Gives long-winded talks that put people to sleep
Endless rhetoric Endless poetry
Believed he was superior to right Believes he’s always right
Took heat from America Takes first class trips to America
Won’t listen to anyone else Won’t listen to government

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

HILLARY CLINTON NÓIRÍN O’SULLIVAN
Fond of running for high office Fond of running for cover
Followed in husband’s footsteps Husband following in footsteps
Known widely for being generally secretive and crooked Known widely for being Ireland’s Garda Commissioner
Constantly tried to hide Bill’s indiscretions Constantly tries to hide everything
Denied smear campaign against Monica Lewinsky Denied approving alleged smear campaign against whistleblower
Career undermined by elements in the intelligence services Garda intelligence? You’ve lost me there!

BONO’S RINGSEND FILM STUDIO

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SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

POPE FRANCIS ENDA KENNY
Job for life Job for life… apparently
Prays for our salvation Preys on our taxation
Canonises Antagonises
Preaches the creed Preaches to Michael Creed
Visits Castel Gandolfo Visits Castlebar
Says Christ will come again Christ, here he comes again!
God’s helper God help us

DID YOU REMEMBER TO SET YOUR CLOCK BACK?

Please note that due to a combination of factors –the minority government, school closures and garda strikes – clocks this year are going back to about 1982 or what’s known as “GUBU time”.

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

SIR BOB GELDOF DONALD TRUMP
Reputation for being a fanatical self-publicist Reputation for being a fanatical self-publicist
Very fond of shooting from the lip Very fond of shooting
Likes to talk Likes to talk dirty
Has recorded an astonishing number of awful songs Has recorded an astonishing high percentage of the vote
Ridiculous Ridiculous hair

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

THERESA MAY DONALD TRUMP
On target to exit Europe On target to exit reality
Slightly to the right on immigrant policy Slightly to the right of Genghis Khan
Plans to put her opponents in their place Plans to put his opponent in jail
Has always focused on serious political issues Has serious issues
Making Britain great again Making America grope again

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

HILARY CLINTON DONALD TRUMP
Rich, white and completely power-crazed Rich, white and completely crazed
Blonde ambition hounded by media Blond ambition hounded by media
Always has a lot on her mind Always has a lot on his head
Endorsed by former US Presidents Endorsed by President Putin
In robust physical and mental health Robustly mental

Topical Words – Compiled by Dick Shunery

An occasional service to Phoenix readers explaining the meaning of certain words that have suddenly become newsworthy

This week – ‘Trumpery’

1. foolish talk or actions
2. a useless or worthless article.

(OF trompery deceit < tromper to cheat). See also trump up: to invent (a charge accusation etc)

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

DAVID CAMERON ENDA KENNY
• Smarmy right-winger

• Party just couldn’t wait to get rid of him

• Reputation for fouling up and then retiring

• Made a complete mess of Brexit

• “I only needed two terms”

• Smarmy right-winger

• Party just couldn’t get rid of him

• Reputation for fouling up and being downright tiring

• Made a complete mess of everything

• “Me too… well perhaps”

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

MIRIAM O’CALLAGHAN CLAIRE BYRNE
Totally convinced that she is RTÉ’s top presenter Totally convinced that she is RTÉ’s top presenter
Enormously high salary to prove it Enormously high salary to prove it
Loves to give politicians a good interrogating Loves to give politicians a good interrogating
Millions of children Catching up fast
Statuesque blonde ambition Statuesque blonde ambition
Plans to replace Michael D as president ASAP Plans to replace Miriam ASAP

TV Listings

  • Operation Transformation: Health and fitness programme. Ray D’Arcy along with a cast of nutritionists and fitness gurus do their level best to ‘transform’ RTÉ viewers into Netflix subscribers. Bad for your health.
  • A Series of Unfortunate Events — Children’s programme.
    Orphaned by its power-sharing executive, Northern Ireland finds itself in the care of two governments, both wholly disinterested in its welfare. Tediously predictable.

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

LOUIS VAN GAAL JOSE MOURINHO
  • Slurs meaningless words in a strange accent
  • Reputation for being moody and losing with Man Utd
  • Grossly over-rated and over-paid
  • Believes in his weird hair style and annoying players
  • Known affectionately as “The Sacked One”
  • Slurs meaningless words in a strange accent
  • Reputation for being moody and losing with Chelsea
  • Grossly over-rated and over-paid
  • Believes in providing bean bags for players during matches
  • Affectionately known as “The Special One until he gets sacked in 2017”

Spot the difference

 JACK O’CONNOR  SHANE ROSS
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  • Believes earth is round
  • Thinks Luas strike is justified
  • Hopes to maintain union ties
  • Likes to drive a hard bargain
  • Advocates power for the masses
  • Stands for no nonsense from the bosses
  • Up to a point
  • Thinks Luas is a robust Spanish red
  • Hopes union dies
  • Likes to drive a Government Merc
  • Advocates amassing power
  • Stands for nothing

MINISTER ROSS COMMITTED TO TRANSPORT PORTFOLIO

  • Look bus-y at all times
  • Make inroads with that Dáil menu
  • Train myself to put up with Jack O’Connor
  • Car–ry on pontificating in the Sindo
  • Have no truck with those Fianna Fáil freeloader b****rds
  • Rail against the banks
  • Re-cycle that guff about ‘change’ and ‘’openness’, etc

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

   
 MICHAEL HEALY-RAE  LEO VARADKAR
  •  Shameless self-publicist
  • Cute political opportunist
  • Cap firmly placed in Ring of Kerry
  • Speaks in tongues
  • Shameless self-publicist
  • Cute political opportunist
  • Hat in ring to replace Enda
  • Speaks with forked tongue

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

PETER ROBINSON ARLENE FOSTER
   
 Old face of DUP reactionary loyalism  New face of DUP reactionary loyalism
 Despises Shinners  Finds Sinn Féin despicable
 Really loathes UUP bastards  Hates Ulster Unionists even more
 Diehard dull Unionist time-server  Dull time-serving diehard Unionist
 Has colourful wife  Has colourless husband

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

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OLD ANGELUS NEW ANGELUS
Vague images of wishy-washy sunsets Wishy-washy images of hazy sunsets
Chimes indicating that the news is on Chimes indicating that the news is on
Catholic Mammy baking bread Young couple eating sushi and baklava
More popular than Ray D’Arcy More popular than Ray D’Arcy
Film of fishing boat off Irish coast RTÉ all at sea as usual