August 7, 2025 Craic & Codology

Local authorities are supposed to zone more land for housing as part of an exciting (surely unrealistic? – Ed) Government plan to raise the national annual target to 83,000 units. The latest guidelines cover the period to 2099. Housing minister James Browne joyfully stated: “I can confidently describe this bold construction scheme as ambitious, visionary… Read more »

August 7, 2025 Craic & Codology

Drew Harris Finds himself a free agent following his high-profile transfer to Dublin a number of years ago but faced constant criticism that he wasn’t really a team player and built a reputation for scoring impressive own goals. Michael O’Leary Often known to go in two-footed on opponents, his erratic attacking style doesn’t always yield… Read more »

August 7, 2025 Craic & Codology

Pharmaceuticals: Plenty of bitter pills for Irish Government Automobiles: US negotiators definitely in the driving seat Chemicals: Trump’s behaviour to get more sulphurous Precious metals: Elements of deal look like fool’s gold Agriculture: Von der Leyen happy to buy some magic beans Booze: Whole thing generally considered to be hard to swallow Manufacturing: Europeans denying… Read more »

August 7, 2025 Craic & Codology

I’ve never seen any merit in staying in one place for very long, so I intend visiting the southern Sahara this month to study the nomadic Igot Nohouce people. They live solely in tents and enjoy very fulfilled lives, so I hope to learn more about what sounds like a truly wonderful lifestyle. – Housing… Read more »

August 7, 2025 Craic & Codology

Are Liam Neeson and Pamela Anderson really madly in love? Amid rampant true romance rumours, the glamorous Hollywood stars were recently spotted cosying up together on the Naked Gush red carpet. Several of the couple’s closest friends (who cannot be named because they don’t actually exist) insisted: “Pamela and Liam are a hugely essential part… Read more »

August 7, 2025 Craic & Codology

On behalf of all media outlets, we would like to apologise profusely to our respective audiences for implying that the Donegal football team were invincible. Headlines such as “Jimmy is a genius”, “Crocked Kerry limp towards doom” and “Donegal to dominate for decades” may have given people a misleading impression about the Tyrconnell men’s footballing… Read more »

August 7, 2025 Craic & Codology

Due to an anticipated readjustment of our senior management framework, a vacancy will shortly, any year now, sooner or later, arise in our senior management infrastructure. Have a go if you think dealing with half-witted politicians or cry-baby punters is something you can tolerate. • The successful candidate will be expected to – are you… Read more »

August 7, 2025 Craic & Codology

By Con Sultant Consumers in Ireland remain on red alert today amidst warnings that the recent outbreak of listeria stories may be “only a taster of what’s to come”. “People are still digesting half-baked reports and regurgitating the information. I saw it happening all around town this morning,” said one worried GP in Tipperary. “A… Read more »

August 7, 2025 Craic & Codology

♦ Public to be led up the garden path on housing figures ♦ Roof will continue to fall in on James Browne ♦ Micheál Martin constantly dwelling on what’s next for his career ♦ More walls of silence about child homelessness ♦ Fine Gael denying they’re planning to oust Simon Harris ♦ Cabinet happy to… Read more »

August 7, 2025 Craic & Codology

by Phil More-Pages FANS OF unflinching dystopian literature have hailed the continuing dominance of home-grown novelists on the 2025 prestigious Booker Prize longlist. Although there are no Irish-born authors among this year’s nominees, Trinidadian-Irish writer Claire Anon, whose mother is from Cork, has allowed us to shamelessly plug her inspiring story, Love in the Title…. Read more »

July 24, 2025 Craic & Codology

The government has moved to reassure people that a potential economic downturn will not have any meaningful consequences on the upcoming autumn budget. Fears are growing about the negative impact tariffs and the increasingly volatile global security situation could have on the state’s future financial plans. However, the administration has confirmed they will seek to… Read more »

July 24, 2025 Craic & Codology

IT HARDLY seems possible that today marks the 10th anniversary of the Social Democrats!! Commenting on the milestone, acting leader Cian O’Callaghan said, “Who would ever have believed that we would become such a major force in Irish politics? “We would therefore like to congratulate ourselves on our unmitigated achievements to date. There are far… Read more »

July 24, 2025 Craic & Codology

Finance minister Paschal Donohoe has emphasised the Irish economy is entering an unprecedented period of uncertainty, with the coalition completely clueless about what will unfold. However, the minister has emphasised the country is uniquely prepared. “We’ve been making a disaster for the economy for the last decade, so in a lot of ways, it’s business… Read more »

July 24, 2025 Craic & Codology

Donald Trump My life has become a living hell because of numerous disgusting lies about my alleged links to this creep and his unspeakable activities. With that in mind I have instructed my administration to kill all these Epstein rumours or at least make it look like a suicide. Conor McGregor I think we can… Read more »

July 24, 2025 Craic & Codology

The never busy Dáil Reform Committee is to consider calls from Labour and Sinn Féin to end both the customary practice of TDs observing daily prayer and the requirement to grovel on their knees to the Ceann Comhairle when leaving the Dáil chamber. However, Micheál Martin backed the practices, saying: “Unfortunately, a tiny minority clearly… Read more »

July 24, 2025 Craic & Codology

Independent TD Catherine Connolly’s bid for the Áras has suddenly set the presidential race alight. The soft-spoken trailblazer is expected to make her mark by continuing to speak out on controversial political issues exactly like the current incumbent, Michael Twee – apart from the dodgy poetry. Said all Irish Times columnists, “It’s such a breath… Read more »

July 24, 2025 Craic & Codology

When you vote in a government that promises to deliver the sun, moon and stars, you end up with empty space! We have to fill in that space with flying machines and the stargazers need to just suck it up! – Michael O’Leary Fianna Fáil has been using drones to deliver messages for years and… Read more »

July 24, 2025 Craic & Codology

In an unexpected development senior management at Lidl Ireland say the stores will open the third checkout to mark the company’s 25th anniversary in the country. Eye witness accounts report delighted shoppers, many of whom had been queuing at checkouts 1 & 2 for days. One woman wept as she rang her husband and children… Read more »

July 24, 2025 Craic & Codology

Best Melodrama: David McRedmond and The Leak Best Stunts: Simon Harris and Budget 2026 Speculation Best Scripted Lines: Mairead McGuinness and Fine Gael Best Choreography: Michael Lowry and The Government Best Bit Part: Darragh O’Brien in Forgotten Minister Best Musical Adaptation: Michael D and Áras Poems CD Best Comedic Performance: Alan Shatter and Oireachtas Committee

July 24, 2025 Craic & Codology

Exclusive by all business hacks The EU is ratcheting up its response to President Trump’s pledged 30 percent trade tariff, with officials preparing a record number of press releases and social media posts. Commission President Ursula von der Leyen said the counter-measures will have a dramatic immediate effect, with Eurocrats securing themselves more column inches… Read more »