March 7, 2024 Craic & Codology

International aid organisations have repeated their calls for an immediate humanitarian ceasefire to put a halt to the bloodbath being self-inflicted upon the RTÉ board. “We just want them to lay down their weapons and try go one single day without shooting themselves in the foot or triggering yet more incredibly damaging explosive revelations,” said… Read more »

March 7, 2024 Craic & Codology

Here they are – the front-runners to replace last week’s occupant in the RTÉ hot seat. Niamh Brennan Leading academic with a proven record as the go-to saviour of failing state organisations. One insider (her husband) said: “She did a fantastic job of governance on me, advising me throughout my countless triumphs as justice minister…. Read more »

March 7, 2024 Craic & Codology

Farmers throughout the country have reacted with fury to the new Nature Restoration Bill. Irish MEPs, however, have generally welcomed the legislation. “It’s a great deal for us – although obviously not for many farmers,” said Ciarán Guff. But rural TDs have hit out at the legislation. “Green ecosystem nonsense and half-baked claptrap about rewilding… Read more »

March 7, 2024 Craic & Codology

Taoiseach Leo Varadkar has clarified that the reference to “durable relationships” in the proposed constitutional amendment does not include the current coalition. With the Government increasingly likely to be booted out at the next election, their relationship is instead coming apart at the seams. “Craven lust for power is the fundamental unit of this Government,”… Read more »

March 7, 2024 Craic & Codology

The IRFU has dismissed criticism that recent Six Nations matches have been played to “deafening silence” and that “Mars currently has a better atmosphere than the Aviva Stadium”, saying it’s what match-goers want. Said one spokesperson: “The few high-flying corporate execs who can still afford tickets to live games are busy people. They need to… Read more »

March 7, 2024 Craic & Codology

Catherine’s Car Crash Has been having an absolute ’mare since arriving on the scene back in 2020 and was thought by experts to be well off the pace. However, she impressed many with her ability to run for cover when things got tough during the RTÉ hurdle recently. Ireland’s Unanswered Call Credible runners and riders… Read more »

March 7, 2024 Craic & Codology

CATHOLIC BISHOPS have repeated their call for a ‘No’ vote in the referenda on the role of care and the definition of a family. In a statement issued last night, the Irish hierarchy said: “Everyone recognises the enormous commitment that women in Ireland have given as mothers and homemakers. “Their enduring service within stable marriages… Read more »

March 7, 2024 Craic & Codology

In a new condemnation of Satanic influence being exerted by art and media entities, Boyzone crooner Shane Lynch has warned against falling under the influence of RTÉ. “That place has completely gone to Hell,” said the 47-year-old singer. “People don’t understand what is happening when they see finger-pointing and shoulder-shrugging ritually practised on air, even… Read more »

March 7, 2024 Craic & Codology

Several Irish actors have made dramatic late entrances into the Oscars race, with members of the Oireachtas committees charged with questioning Catherine Martin and RTÉ board members being hailed for their scenery-chewing performances. In particular, Shane Cassells and Alan Dillon have enjoyed a late surge thanks to their epic grandstanding and melodramatic delivery. “The Oireachtas… Read more »

March 7, 2024 Craic & Codology

The recent snowfall that surprisingly blanketed the country has issued a statement of apology to an embarrassed Met Éireann, which was caught unawares. The snow has promised, in future, to keep the meteorological service informed of all plans to make an appearance.

February 22, 2024 Craic & Codology

The national broadcaster has announced that it is to offer advertisers a unique opportunity to sponsor its massively generous severance payouts to former executives. In a press release to advertisers, the broadcaster said: “The calls by politicians for RTÉ to publish the details of every senior executive’s exit package since 2016 represents a unique and… Read more »

February 22, 2024 Craic & Codology

By Our Pre-Election Staff SOCIAL PROTECTION minister Heather Humphreys has warmly welcomed her splendidly timed decision to bring forward the extension of child benefit to 18-year-olds in full-time education to May 1. Speaking to Fine Gael supporters last night, she said: “Obviously, up to now, there was no sense of urgency about tackling this issue… Read more »

February 22, 2024 Craic & Codology

The political world has been left reeling by breathtaking reports that a current Fine Gael TD is planning on running for re-election when the country goes to the polls within the next 12 months. This unprecedented move has left the party scrambling to prepare itself to actually field an incumbent. Said one flustered official: “We… Read more »

February 22, 2024 Craic & Codology

RTÉ’s Home of the Year is back with some jaw-dropping projects designed to leave viewers gasping. The highlight of the latest series is likely to be an extensive new build in south central Dublin, which has been under construction since 2016. “This is one of the most lavish projects in the world,” explained on-site manager… Read more »

February 22, 2024 Craic & Codology

Colonoscopy – media up my ass again Incontinence – more shite about me in the media Hypertension – hacks won’t leave me alone Bile – what these reporters come out with Nerve – possessed in abundance by newspaper editors Inflammation – journos poking at old wounds