Category: Craic & Codology

LIMERICK FOR OUR TIMES

May 3, 2023 Craic & Codology

There once was a man named Hutch, Who the cops found they JUST could not touch, One went to his bash, Causing his career to crash, Now GSOC’s reputation is f*cked!

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VARADKAR PLANS WELFARE PACKAGE

May 3, 2023 Craic & Codology

Taoiseach Leo Varadkar has said that the expected €50 trillion budget surplus will have a tremendous impact on the coalition’s welfare as it attempts to cling to power by any means possible at the next election. In addition, the Government is also planning a record number of press releases to further hype its budget bonanza.... Read more »

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THAT NEW JUNIOR CYCLE SEX ED CURRICULUM

May 3, 2023 Craic & Codology

Understanding myself and others – It’s perfectly normal to want to experiment and try different things – especially if you’re a member of the clergy who’s fancied the housekeeper for a few years. Making healthy choices – If you’re a county councillor with ministerial ambitions, it’s probably best not to attend that local area committee meeting... Read more »

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FEARS FOR IRISH TRYING TO FLEE SUDAN

May 3, 2023 Craic & Codology

Both sides engaged in Sudan’s bitter confrontation say they can “neither prevent nor be held responsible for” any misfortune that befalls Irish residents desperately trying to flee the war-stricken country. “We can try to stop them leaving but, if they manage to escape and end up on a street in Dublin after dark or on... Read more »

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HARVEY NÓIRÍN’S ‘SUNDAY TIMES’ SALE!

May 3, 2023 Craic & Codology

STOCK SALE NOW! Printer – Perfect for journalists to print out their CVs Desk – Buy our now vacant political desk (would make great firewood!) Telephone – Perfect sound quality to receive a clear bollocking from your bosses in London. Blank paper – Get it before it’s devalued by having the latest Sunday Times printed... Read more »

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SCANLON VIEWER LOCATED

May 3, 2023 Craic & Codology

A full-scale search-and-rescue mission has located the remaining viewer of Angela Scanlon’s Ask Me Anything, after the RTÉ chat show lost a mortifying 60,000 viewers in one week. However, while RTÉ execs were initially delighted to discover the audience member, the upbeat mood didn’t last, with the viewer explaining they accidentally caught Scanlon’s show while... Read more »

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DREW HARRIS: “MY GANG BIGGER THAN HUTCH GANG”

May 3, 2023 Craic & Codology

GARDA COMMISSIONER Phew Harris has hit out at criticism of Garda tactics following the acquittal of Gerry ‘The Monk’ Hutch. Speaking to the media, he said: “I think we should be applauded for our vigour in failing to bring yet another gangland boss to justice, given the current overcrowding situation in Irish prisons. “Incidentally, you... Read more »

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O’NEILL ACCEPTS INVITE TO SINN FÉIN ARD FHEIS

May 3, 2023 Craic & Codology

With Michelle O’Neill set to attend King Charles’s coronation this weekend, it has also been confirmed that she has controversially accepted an invite to the Sinn Féin ard fheis later this year. The move is seen as marking another step away from O’Neill’s place at the heart of the British monarchy. “I recognise there are... Read more »

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CARTOONS 4109-19

May 3, 2023 Cartoons, Craic & Codology

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FESTY O’SEMTEX

May 3, 2023 Cartoons, Craic & Codology, Festy O'Semtex

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OZONE

May 3, 2023 Cartoons, Craic & Codology, Ozone

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CARTOONS 4109-18

May 3, 2023 Cartoons, Craic & Codology

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CARTOONS 4109-17

May 3, 2023 Cartoons, Craic & Codology

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CARTOONS 4109-16

May 3, 2023 Cartoons, Craic & Codology

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CARTOONS 4109-15

May 3, 2023 Cartoons, Craic & Codology

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CARTOONS 4109-14

May 3, 2023 Cartoons, Craic & Codology

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CARTOONS 4109-13

May 3, 2023 Cartoons, Craic & Codology

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CARTOONS 4109-12

May 3, 2023 Cartoons, Craic & Codology

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CARTOONS 4109-11

May 3, 2023 Cartoons, Craic & Codology

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CARTOONS 4109-10

May 3, 2023 Cartoons, Craic & Codology

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CARTOONS 4109-09

May 3, 2023 Cartoons, Craic & Codology

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CARTOONS 4109-08

May 3, 2023 Cartoons, Craic & Codology

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CARTOONS 4109-07

May 3, 2023 Cartoons, Craic & Codology

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CARTOONS 4109-06

May 3, 2023 Cartoons, Craic & Codology

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CARTOONS 4109-05

May 3, 2023 Cartoons, Craic & Codology

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CARTOONS 4109-04

May 3, 2023 Cartoons, Craic & Codology

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CARTOONS 4109-02

May 3, 2023 Cartoons, Craic & Codology

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CARTOONS 4109-01

May 3, 2023 Cartoons, Craic & Codology

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‘SUCCESSION’ BLAMED FOR ‘IRISH TIMES’ SPOILERS

April 19, 2023 Craic & Codology

Frustrated viewers have taken to social media to vent about the latest episode of hit drama Succession, with many complaining that it contains several spoilers for upcoming editions of the Irish Times. In the contentious scene, members of the Roy family discuss the sensational IT contents, with the paper revealed to feature the same mix... Read more »

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NEW FANTASY SERIES ANNOUNCED

April 19, 2023 Craic & Codology

Following on from HBO’s announcement of a Harry Potter TV reboot, plans are also in place to produce a series based on the current Irish Government, whose belief the housing and health crises are under control has been noted as an epic fantasy. Leo Varadkar will star as a wizard whose magical world of make-believe... Read more »

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PLAYERS TO WATCH FOR THE 2023 GAA CHAMPIONSHIP

April 19, 2023 Craic & Codology

Donald Trump – New York This notorious player made history in his native New York when a huge crowd turned out in Manhattan to witness his shoddy defence. Could face further disciplinary action over the January 6th shemozzle in Washington DC. Rory McIlroy – Down (And Out? – Ed.) Not since the fall of the... Read more »

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RTÉ UNVEILS DIRECTOR-GENERAL CONTENDERS

April 19, 2023 Craic & Codology

Leo Varadkar As leader of Fine Gael, he knows what it takes to run a deeply unpopular, chaotic organisation full of underachieving divas. If his poll numbers get much worse, there will be no need to work out his notice to quit. Jeffrey Donaldson The DUP leader has stressed the importance of creating a productive... Read more »

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LIBRARY BOOK SHOCK!

April 19, 2023 Craic & Codology

Following staff at Swords library being confronted by a group of irate and aggressive upstanding citizens over the availability of LGBT ‘propaganda’, Goldhawk can exclusively reveal some of the tomes that got up their noses: Ben She/Her The Dead (Name) Where’s Wally’s HRT? Gulliver’s Transition The Importance of Being Boorish Complete Idiot’s Guide to Moral... Read more »

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RICHARD BRANSON’S ADVICE FOR IRISH ENTREPRENEURS

April 19, 2023 Craic & Codology

BRITISH BILLIONAIRE Richard Branson is urging Irish entrepreneurs to show people how to reduce energy costs in their homes. Speaking on local radio show Profits Matter, Sir Richard said: “Now is the time to have fun, save the planet and make huge piles of cash from clean energy – tonnes and tonnes of it.” Branson’s... Read more »

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APOLOGY–THE MAYO FOOTBALL TEAM

April 19, 2023 Craic & Codology

In common with all other newspapers, we may in recent times have given the impression that the Mayo footballers’ league triumph set them up nicely to win this year’s All-Ireland. In particular, this perception may have been reinforced by headlines such as “McSTAY’S MARVELS A CERT FOR SAM”, “TIME TO PLAN CASTLEBAR HOMECOMING” and “MAYO... Read more »

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SIMON HARRIS’S NEW ‘GROUND-BREAKING’ NON-CAO DEGREES

April 19, 2023 Craic & Codology

Sports Analysis (Hons) Three-year degree based around yelling at the TV and developing conversational theories on why Stephen Kenny keeps shooting himself in the foot. E.Litt Leisure (Hons) Self-funded optional two-week intensive degree-style cultural curriculum with exotic substances (Balearic Islands campus). The Joy of Politics (Hons) Advanced diploma including foreplay (pleasing your coalition partner), back... Read more »

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