Category: The Wesht Wing

The Wesht Wing

Scene 1: The political correspondents room, Leinster House. A lone hack lingers on the telephone, as a shadowy Government spin doctor enters.Spin doctor: Special delivery!Hack (putting down phone): What? Nobody ordered pizza.Spin doctor: It’s even better than pizza. (He takes something from a box) Here’s your copy.Hack... Read more »

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The Wesht Wing

Scene 1: A room in Leinster House. Talks between Fine Gael and Fianna Fáil resume.Enda Kenny (entering, out of breath): Sorry I’m late, gentlemen. An acting Taoiseach’s work is never done.Micheál Martin: Where was it you were, again?Kenny: National Concert Hall. Official reopening of the... Read more »

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The Wesht Wing

Scene 1: The Easter Rising commemorations, Dublin. Heavily disguised, and using “back channels”, negotiators from Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael open talks about talks.Man dressed as Countess Markievicz (actually Simon Harris): Psst! You there! Flag bearer in 1916 uniform.Flag Bearer (actually Barry Cowen): Is that... Read more »

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The Wesht Wing

Scene 1: The West Wing of the White House. After the St Patrick’s Day speeches, Barack Obama chats with Enda Kenny.Obama: So – last time we do this together, eh buddy? Although I guess you might still be back next year?Kenny: Visiting President Trump?Obama: Jeez,... Read more »

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The Wesht Wing

Scene 1: The Taoiseach’s Office. Enda Kenny reads the newspapers while the portrait of Michael Collins looks on.Collins: Well, have you had your picture painted yet?Kenny: What picture?Collins: The one for the gallery of ex-Taoisigh.Kenny (hufflly): I’m not gone yet. Even if I don’t win... Read more »

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The Wesht Wing

Scene 1: The lobby of a Dublin hotel. Fine Gael’s Director of Elections holds emergency talks with an old friend of the party.Brian Hayes: Thanks for meeting me at short notice, Frank. As you’ve probably seen, we’re in a bit of trouble, poll-wise.Frank Flannery: Yeah... Read more »

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The Wesht Wing

Scene 1: The Alexandra Hotel, Dublin. After a faltering first press conference of the election campaign by Enda Kenny, faceless party strategists call an emergency meeting.Faceless strategist 1: That wasn’t very good, Taoiseach.Kenny: Well, they asked me a question about figures and stuff, which as... Read more »

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The Wesht Wing

Scene 1: Davos. Mingling with guests after taking part in a panel discussion on “global inequality”, Enda Kenny bumps into an old friend.Denis O’Brien: Well done, Taoiseach – you were great.Kenny (checking nervously for cameras before shaking hands): Thanks Denis. I was a bit worried... Read more »

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The Wesht Wing

Scene 1: The Taoiseach’s home, Castlebar. Enda Kenny takes a call from the Government press officer.Feargal Purcell: Hi Taoiseach. Sorry to bother you so early in the new year, but we really need to get you photographed in a pair of wellies somewhere, quick.Kenny: Why?... Read more »

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The Wesht Wing

Scene 1: The Taoiseach’s office. Enda Kenny reads the papers as the portrait of Michael Collins looks on.Collins: So the Cop-on conference was a success after all? I hope you got some when you were out there.Kenny: It was called COP21, Mick – as you... Read more »

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The Wesht Wing

Scene 1: Labour Headquarters. The party leader and her deputy hold an emergency meeting on climate change.Joan Burton (studying documents): If these predictions are correct, we’re looking at a disaster.Alan Kelly: Yes.Burton: With rising levels of militant left-wing opinion everywhere, more than half the party’s... Read more »

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The Wesht Wing

Scene 1: The bustling corridors of Government Buildings (Wesht Wing). En route to a Cabinet meeting, the Taoiseach bumps into the Minister for Arts and Heritage. They walk and talk.Enda Kenny: Well, Heather. How’s all the 1916 stuff going?Heather Humphreys: Very good, Taoiseach – I... Read more »

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THE WESHT WING

Scene 1: The Burlington Hotel, Dublin. After delivering his speech to the Fine Gael president’s dinner, the Taoiseach receives congratulations from his party press officer.Enda Kenny: Well, how did I do?Press officer: Not bad. I didn’t notice anyone in the audience falling asleep. But was... Read more »

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The Wesht Wing

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Scene 1: A cemetery in Castlelyons, Co Cork. As the Taoiseach prepares to deliver the graveside oration at the State funeral of Thomas Kent, the VIP guests chat among themselves. Gerry Adams (to the President): You know of course it should be you delivering the... Read more »

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The Wesht Wing

Scene 1: The back seat of a State car. En route to the annual Béal na Bláth commemoration, and against the background of a crisis in the peace process, the Minister for Justice takes an urgent call from the Garda Commissioner.  Frances Fitzgerald: Commissioner?Noirín O’Sullivan: Good morning, Minister. You asked me... Read more »

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