SCOUTING IRELAND LEXICON UPDATE
May 3, 2018 Craic & Codology
Canoeing – Deep water challenge to stay afloat somehow while up a very unsavoury creek without a paddle. Treasure hunt – Hoping to get a few quid from Minister Zappone. Backtracking – Not meeting those scary Oireachtas scout leaders after all. Cookery challenge – Finding the most creative ways to make a dog’s dinner of… Read more »
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Uproar over Kilkenny cultural centre
April 19, 2018 Craic & Codology
FANATIC: Cult leader Cody in one of his frenzies of religious devotion RESIDENTS in Kilkenny have expressed grave concerns over plans to construct a deeply controversial cultural centre in the county. Many worry the hub could encourage young people in the area to get sucked into a life of ideological rigidity and fanatical levels of… Read more »
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INM data breach by the numbers
April 19, 2018 Craic & Codology
56 – Unpublished Paul Kimmage articles about Paul Kimmage 92 – Spiked Rosanna Davison photo shoots 1400 – Joe Brolly eulogies for Tyrone footballers 3000 – Meghan Markle profiles 5000 – Barry Egan tributes to Bono 81000 – Contradictory Eoghan Harris opinion pieces 1.5million – Brendan O’Connor scoops on Norah Casey’s new mascara
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That newstalk valuation in full
April 19, 2018 Craic & Codology
Goldhawk breaks down Communicorp’s whopping €34m price-tag for Newstalk Chris Donoghue’s hair gel bill: €3m Large collection of clichés and resignations: €4m 10 mixing desks: €14m Cost of teaching Paul Williams about current affairs: €10m Motley crew of jaded, uninspiring presenters cowering in a corner: €3m One sensitive owner: Priceless
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Travel Matters
April 19, 2018 Craic & Codology
Reader’s Question: I’m told Israel is warm at this time of year and is very welcoming. Would you recommend it? Mícheál Mac Donncha: I’ve just returned from visiting the region as part of my research into the ancient practice of cage-rattling which remains very popular in both Israel and the north to this day. To… Read more »
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Topical Words – Compiled by Dick Shunery
April 19, 2018 Craic & Codology
An occasional service to readers offering selected meanings of certain words that have suddenly become newsworthy ‘Fodder’ 1. (noun) Food that is given to farm animals – and journalists! (Is that last bit true? – Ed). 2. (noun) People or things that are useful for the stated purpose. Denis O’Brien continues to provide great fodder… Read more »
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Why I’m not running
April 19, 2018 Craic & Codology
By Muhreeum O’Callaghan MANY of you will by now have read at your breakfast table or received texts from family and friends that I have decided, this time, not to run for president of our wonderful little country. It is not a decision lightly made. Truly I have been humbled and a little embarrassed these… Read more »
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Good Friday Agreement Anniversary Filler
April 19, 2018 Craic & Codology
By All Hacks IT’S ALL too easy to become cynical about the political impasse in the north, but even a hard-bitten commentator like myself was forced to shed a tear yesterday. Yes, I have to admit that the floodgates opened when my editor asked me to write a 1,000 words by lunchtime on the 20th… Read more »
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INM data rumours and me
April 19, 2018 Craic & Codology
By Barry Ego AS dramatic details emerge of an alleged data breach at Independent News & Media, the state’s watchdogs have claimed that sensational emails have been doing the rounds belonging to prominent journalists – or “persons of interest”. Quelle surprise! Of course they’re of interest – they work for the Sindo! As I said… Read more »
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Those Syrian air strike targets
April 19, 2018 Craic & Codology
Martin Callinan’s version of events Jim Daly’s ministerial car Miriam O’Callaghan’s presidential hopes Michael Oliver’s house Manchester City’s dream James Comey’s publisher
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T.V. Listings
April 19, 2018 Craic & Codology
At Your Service – RTÉ 2: Sunday, 8.30pm Fussy little men with way too much time on their hands decide to go through a struggling media company with a fine toothcomb to see what secrets lie inside (allegedly). National Treasures – RTÉ: Saturday, 6.30pm This week John Creedon meets celebrity solicitor Gerald Kean who has… Read more »
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What FIANNA FÁIL VOTERS want
April 19, 2018 Craic & Codology
After a Sunday Times survey revealed Fianna Fáil voters prefer male candidates, we take a look at some of those other Fianna Fáil voter preferences: Big strong arms (to carry brown envelopes) A deep voice (for speaking out the side of his mouth) Several senior county medals Has an uncle who can sort out that little… Read more »
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THOSE GEMS OF IRELAND’S HIDDEN HEARTLANDS
April 19, 2018 Craic & Codology
Carrig-on Cowen: Sleepy backwater where everything can be deferred until tomorrow as you idle among the beer gardens surrounded by such unforgettable scenery as the Mountain of Debt and the Tide of Emigration. Ballymingflanagan: Often referred to as ‘just a bit Irish” because of its tiresome efforts to present itself as of “European” importance, this… Read more »
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Letters I wish Id sent
April 19, 2018 Craic & Codology
AS PART of the Letters I Wish I’d Sent series, assistant editor of the Sunday Independent Brendan O’Connor puts into words a letter he wishes he’d sent to himself many years ago. Dear Brendan, ow are you? Can’t believe Twink and Linda Martin agreed to appear on this week’s show. Tubridy must be bricking it…. Read more »
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Paddy Jackson’s job prospects
April 19, 2018 Craic & Codology
Fill in shock jock Syrian rugby team coach DUP MP Sunday Independent columnist Data Protection Commissioner Kevin Sharkey’s presidential campaign manager Conor McGregor’s sparring partner
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EIR REDUNDANCIES ‘WON’T AFFECT BROADBAND ROLLOUT’
April 19, 2018 Craic & Codology
By Mal Ware COMMUNICATIONS firm Eir executives have said plans to deliver high speed broadband to 300,000 businesses and upgrade the system across rural Ireland will “remain unaltered” despite a voluntary redundancy package that will cut its workforce by 750. An Eir executive reassured the public today, saying: “There’s nothing to fear. The lad we… Read more »
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Boris: Bombs away!
April 19, 2018 Craic & Codology
Britain’s Foreign Secretary tells it like it isn’t QUADRUPLE CRIPES! What a busy week with all this bombing hoo-ha happening in Syria or wherever. Which means non-stop round-the-clock pressure for poor old Bozza. Let’s face it, the whole Middle East desert business is all a tad complex, but the MI6 chaps in the know reckon… Read more »
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Conor McGregor’s favourites
April 19, 2018 Craic & Codology
Favourite film: Escape from New York Favourite song: Walking on Broken Glass, Annie Lennox Favourite TV show: Arrested Development Favourite band: The Trashmen Favourite chocolate: Double Decker Favourite accessory: Cuffs Favourite holiday: Rikers Island Favourite clothing: Jumpsuit Favourite food: Porridge Favourite exercise: Throwing shade
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Spot the Difference
April 19, 2018 Craic & Codology, Spot the Difference
CONOR McGREGOR RORY McILROY Major embarrassment Masters embarrassment Lost to Mayweather Lost fairweather fans Pulled a stroke Takes too many strokes Pulled a stroke Stuck in bunker Threw trash cans Threw away victory Has no UFC belts Has no green jacket Hybrid sports star Hybrid nationality Worth millions Disappointed millions
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THIS WEEK’S MOST READ STORIES
April 19, 2018 Craic & Codology
GOLFER LOSES AGAIN A FAMOUS golfer struggled in the final round of a golfing competition in Augusta, Georgia. An eye-witness said: “From what I could gather, the golfer who lost wore a pale blue v-neck sweater and did not play very well on the final day. The American golfer who won the tournament wore a… Read more »
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DUP leader ‘denies allegations’
April 19, 2018 Craic & Codology
By Our Political Staff – Phil Pockets ARLENE FOSTER, who was minister in charge of the department that set up the renewable heat incentive scheme, has strenuously denied all allegations that she was involved in the botched green energy project. Giving evidence in Belfast yesterday at the public inquiry into RHI, the DUP leader blamed… Read more »
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Miriam’s tribute to Winnie
April 19, 2018 Craic & Codology
PRIME TIME host Miriam O’Callaghan has paid tribute to Winnie Mandela who was laid to rest recently. The RTÉ presenter said she was deeply moved by the plight of the ANC activist who many had predicted was destined for the top job in South African politics. “It’s genuinely heartbreaking to think that a woman who… Read more »
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Leo doesn’t trust Sinn Féin
April 19, 2018 Craic & Codology
TAOISEACH Leo Varadkar has reiterated his opposition to working with Sinn Féin. The Fine Gael leader ruled out any prospect of a coalition between the two parties in the immediate future. Speaking to the media at a charity sock launch in Leinster House the Dublin West TD said he didn’t wish to join forces with… Read more »
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Doctor in the House
April 16, 2018 Craic & Codology, Doctor In The House
The Easter recess is over and the Eoin O’Duffy Memorial Infirmary is returning to full operations, in more ways than one. Hospital master Leo Varadkar prepares for a delicate procedure on a visiting American, with the help of a committee of assistant surgeons. Varadkar: What’s this guy’s name again? Surgeon Timmy Dooley: Kaplan, I think…. Read more »
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INM moots data mining
April 5, 2018 Craic & Codology
INDEPENDENT News and Media has announced plans to diversify its business operations over the coming months. The corporate media giant wants to enter into the highly lucrative field of natural resources and data mining in particular. The move comes hot on the heels of a decision to dig for info at the offices of the Irish… Read more »
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Aussie Captain denies Simon-tampering
April 5, 2018 Craic & Codology
AUSTRALIAN cricket captain Steve Smith has denied tampering with Simon Coveney’s balls. The Tánaiste and part-time circus performer had spent months trying to keep the items up in the air while simultaneously checking to see which way the wind was blowing. But disaster struck when he yet again tripped up over his oversized shoes and… Read more »
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Shane Ross’s dog’s dinner
April 5, 2018 Craic & Codology
Three canny canines give their reaction Leo – Owned by Mr E. U. Brussels “Hard to judge” Mick – Owned by Mr M Wallace of Wexford. “Dinner at Ross’s place? I wouldn’t bother me arse getting all dressed up for that.” Brendan Howling – Owned by Mr B Howlin of Wexford. “Why was I… Read more »
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ANIMAL MATTERS
April 5, 2018 Craic & Codology
This week attorney general and faithful companion Séamus Woulfhound delivers his verdict on the latest dog food to hit the shelves. As Ireland’s best known expert on canine nutrition I cannot say how appalled I am at the depreciating quality of dog’s dinners coming on the market these days! Take this new ‘Shane’s Dog Dinner’… Read more »
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Simon Coveney’s guide to politics
April 5, 2018 Craic & Codology
Abortion Referendum Bill The original proposal has been clarified and involves reassuring protocols allowing a lot more time for consideration of this crucial issue.This has given me additional time to assess the impact on my future career prospects – so, in fact, my sudden u-turn was not an embarrassing u-turn at all. Brexit Border negotiations… Read more »
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THAT FIANNA FÁIL RESHUFFLE IN FULL
April 5, 2018 Craic & Codology
Spokesperson on Greystones: Stephen Donnelly Spokesperson on hand-wringing: Barry Cowen Spokesperson on conspiracy theories: Niall Collins Spokesperson for Coppers: Jack Chambers Spokesperson on disgruntled TDs: Darragh O’Brien Spokesperson on hard borders: Lisa Chambers Spokesperson on regime change: Michael McGrath Spokesperson on dog’s dinners: Jim O’Callaghan
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Leo stands by Ireland’s neutrality
April 5, 2018 Craic & Codology
TAOISEACH Leo Varadkar has reiterated that Ireland remains “fully neutral” on the international stage, despite his decision to expel a Russian diplomat. Speaking on a leisurely plane-spotting trip to Shannon, the Taoiseach insisted, “As I recently advised Donald as we watched the moon rise above Washington together, we are neither for nor against our wonderful,… Read more »
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T.V. Listings
April 5, 2018 Craic & Codology
Hardy Bucks, Sunday 10.35pm – Comedy about four twenty-somethings who unexpectedly find themselves temporarily in trouble with the law. In this week’s episode Paddy, Stuart, Rory and Blane decide to get back on the dating scene. Catastrophe, Thursday, 9.00pm – Sitcom about an ageing politician (Micheál) whose brief affair with a dashing Indian doctor turns into a… Read more »
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SIMON COVENEY FAVOURITES
April 5, 2018 Craic & Codology
Favourite film: Flashbacks of a Fool Favourite song: Think Twice, Celine Dion Favourite TV show: WWE Smackdown Favourite book: Fifty Shades of Grey Favourite food: Ham-fisted Favourite clothing: Turncoat Favourite holiday: Route 66 (per cent) Favourite chocolate: Flake Favourite passtime: Flying kites Favourite prayer: Hail Mary
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THOSE GRAND NATIONAL RESULTS IN FULL
April 5, 2018 Craic & Codology
Corky Simon: Light-weight challenger who competed with a string of career duck eggs behind him. Was desperate to put highly embarrassing display behind him after he was put firmly in his place by stablemate Show Pony Leo in the Twelve Week Mind Changers Chase. As always, was absent when the honours were handed out. Belfast… Read more »
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Topical Words – Compiled by Dick Shunery
April 5, 2018 Craic & Codology
An occasional service to readers offering selected meanings of certain words that have suddenly become newsworthy This week: ‘Concannon’ Concannon is a new culinery marketing favourite based on a traditional Irish dish of mixed metaphors wit guff, hyperbole, mashed potato and some green stuff such as kal or cabbage thrown in. (what about avocado? –… Read more »
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LEAKED: CONCANNON RALLIES SPIN UNIT TROOPS
April 5, 2018 Craic & Codology
Hi all, Tough news about our little baby! But CHIN UP! Remember every little unmitigated disaster is really a NEW OPPORTUNITY! So let’s PUSH THE POSITIVES and make this humiliating, buttock-clenching catastrophe into a story of a CARING government that LISTENS. In dealing with this, remember the Golden Rule: Everything bad is Fianna Fáil’s fault…. Read more »
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