November 1, 2018 Craic & Codology

Republic of Ireland boss Martin O’Neill says preparations are “already well under way” for his side’s crucial encounter with Denmark in November. “We are using video technology a lot,” the manager reassured. “And Roy now has actual footage of where every player lives and how to get there. “So if we need to boost anyone’s… Read more »

November 1, 2018 Craic & Codology

AS WINTER weather conditions set in and hospitals come under renewed pressure, a senior health service correspondent has said that the situation is veering out of control due to the increase in HSE crisis stories. “There simply isn’t room for the huge numbers of stories that are queuing up to get into the paper,” said… Read more »

November 1, 2018 Craic & Codology

Remembrance Sunday: BBC One, 10AM – David Dimbleby presents live coverage of commemorations at the Cenotaph in Whitehall. Join her Majesty Mary Lou McDonald, who will lead this year’s service, alongside Lady Liadh Ní Riada of Ballyvourney. Doing Money: RTÉ One, 9:30PM – One lucky millionaire manages to get his deposit back after a divisive… Read more »

November 1, 2018 Craic & Codology

Favourite film: The Great Escape  Favourite song: Final Countdown, Europe  Favourite TV show: The Commish  Favourite food: Gravy train  Favourite breakfast: Continental  Favourite number: Cushy  Favourite fruit: Plum  Favourite band: The Police  Favourite football club: Charleton  Favourite exercise: Walking the plank 

October 18, 2018 Craic & Codology

Embattled former minister Denis Naughten today launched a four-square riposte to his critics (Vlad) who forced his resignation. “I did not have four dinner engagements with David McCourt,” he insisted. “It was one dinner but spread over four occasions. First we had the starter. That took about three minutes. A week later we had the… Read more »

October 18, 2018 Craic & Codology

(Lyrics by L Varadkar. With apologies to Dave Bartholomew) You went away and left me a short time ago Now you’re knocking all day upon my door I hear you Naughten, but you can’t come in I hear you knocking, go back to Roscommon I begged you to go and you said goodbye And now… Read more »

October 18, 2018 Craic & Codology

• OPPOSITION (common noun) – Body of docile persons who always agree with the government. E.g. “The Fianna Fáil Opposition is totally committed to wholehearted support of Mr Varadkar’s administration on all issues.” • Leader of the Opposition (insubstantive noun) – Person who is even more in agreement with the government than his colleagues. E.g. “Micheál… Read more »

October 18, 2018 Craic & Codology

Official staff wing “I abhor these awful Dragons and their money-making schemes” Other family residences guarded by rabid Bernese mountain dogs Garage full of unsold copies of Michael D’s brilliant poetry books ATM cashpoint “Who says I’m doing nothing to combat homelessness?” Miggeldy making passionate speech criticising landlords

October 18, 2018 Craic & Codology

Since the dawn of time, this great little country on the edge of Europe has punched above its weight, to be or not to be, that is. The question I put to you now is, do you want your old lobbying washed down? Because it’s a grand day for the drying thank God and now… Read more »

October 18, 2018 Craic & Codology

Minister for gritted teeth: Regina Doherty Minister for martyrs: Frances Fitzgerald Minister for women’s liberation: Simon Harris  Minister for Noel Grealish: Joe McHugh  Minister for optics: Richard Bruton

October 18, 2018 Craic & Codology

with Donald Clarke Galway 2020 Horror A disturbing tale of what happens when a remote Irish town is suddenly chosen to become European Capital of Culture. Something creepy starts when a curious band of accountants take possession of a spine-chilling budget of €46 million. Overnight, they splash out on lavish admin offices and heavy-duty expenses. The… Read more »

October 18, 2018 Craic & Codology

• Finding Joy — RTÉ One, 9pm: Uplifting sitcom in which an under-fire Montrose producer finds a formula for success: “We’ll just ask Amy if she’s free to do a new series.” Predictable.

October 18, 2018 Craic & Codology

Some readers may have, in the now distant past, taken inference from reports in this, and indeed all, newspapers that we considered former Garda Commissioner Nóirín O’Sullivan to be a person of suspect character. Headlines such as ‘Nóirín O’Shady’, ‘Cop yourself on Nóirín and GO!!!’ and ‘Can anyone ever believe a single word that comes… Read more »

October 18, 2018 Craic & Codology

If the proposed 37th Amendment to the Constitution is passed, the following statements will no longer be considered blasphemous: There are better sports than hurling  Amy Huberman wouldn’t be my cup of tea  No I haven’t watched the ‘Handmaid’s Tale’  Brendan O’Connor is a bit annoying, isn’t he? I just don’t get the Rubberbandits 

October 18, 2018 Craic & Codology

Following a number of recent vacancies and a report by the Labour Innovation, Management and Performance (LIMP) group, we are now inviting applicants for roles at all levels of the party. But especially at the top. Desirable attributes include: Endless optimism Strong faith in the power of prayer (and in miracles) Some knowledge of fine… Read more »

October 18, 2018 Craic & Codology

IN HIS first public comment since being mauled by Russian fighter ‘Doner’ Kebab Nurmagomedov, former UFC champion Conor McGregor says the world should “follow my example and abandon the use of violence” to resolve conflict. “I am a massive believer in the power of passive resistance, as my most recent encounter with my angry antagonist… Read more »

October 4, 2018 Craic & Codology

• We Need to Talk about Kevin — RTÉ 2: 7PM — Unsettling thriller in which a hapless executive assistant finds himself targeted in the middle of an election. Some great car chase scenes.

October 4, 2018 Craic & Codology

An occasional series in which resident Doctor Leo answers readers’ concerns Dear doctor, During a routine examination it was discovered that I have been sitting on a rather large lump sum for several years. I should have kept an eye on it as there is no accounting for why it is there or even whether… Read more »